Chapter Three:
A sense of abandonment enveloped my being as I pasted the floor before me with the concept of has been, allowing the darkness to cloak my body with its ruinous self. Fearing the unknown, yet disconnecting from the cowardly demeanor I once upheld.
Sent slicing through the structure of my spine was an anxiety that knew no bounds of mercy, sprinting to plague every inch of my being with doubt.
And despite all this, I knew then that there was no going back. That the threshold proceeding the person I was was long gone, meaning it was no longer a position I could soon resort back to, no longer I position I could give up and expect survival from doing so.
With my head held high and my shoulders following suit, I kept walking in. And with each step I took, I drifted further away from the person I was, further away from the girl who was afraid, further from the girl who allowed uncertainty to influence her.
On every inch of my skin there itched a new question, but with each passing second, they got easier to ignore, and soon enough I almost believed the lie I told herself, that I truly wasn't afraid.
Suddenly, lining the walls completely was a screech that thickened every ounce of my blood.
I just stood there, frozen, slush becoming of my blood as I allowed the icy feeling to creep in. My mouth was held slightly open, my thoughts mocking me with shame as my muscles refused to function in accordance with my bones.
I just stood there, stock-still, counting what I presumed were the last minutes of my life when I finally decided to turn around. My muscles relaxed to the sight of nothing as I slowly tilted my head upward to blink away the tears that seemed embarrassed to even be a part of me; like they were so excited to leave before I forced them back into the shame that manifested into a being.
To where it was when my mind was open to new beliefs that were beyond the clutches of doubt, my head returned, no longer bearing the precious fruit of faith and trust as governing my mind at that moment was nothing more than thoughts that were destructive by nature.
Dwindling still -- in the smallest tinge -- was a part of me still wanting to pursue. I leaned to that side for as long as I could, trying to inhale bravery and exhale the self-destructive nonsense. The thoughts weren't even rational for survival; they were just there as a means of self-sabotage.
The breathing seemed to temporarily purge my mind of these thoughts as I focused predominantly on them, giving not a moment of attention to the doubt that'd do me no good.
Comforting me at the back of my mind was the thought that I could just dish back out and jump off the side of the mountain, but I didn't even remember the clear path that brought me here, so I continued. The only step I could take from then was forward.
A smile crept up my face. I think I could do this. I actually think I can do this. I think I may actually make it out alive- Completely intercepting my thoughts like a news broadcast was the same scraping sound that lasted a time longer than the last, and to make matters worst, the reverberation seemed so close it was as if it were directly behind me. Fear became evident in my eyes. I couldn't believe I used such foolish logic to dictate my life. The right way? Who the hell was I kidding?
I turned my head around, noticing at first from my shoulder that my clothes had changed. I was now wearing a long sleeve top that was black and stopped right below my bra. There was a single word written across my chest in white bold letters that contrasted extensively against the black landscape. Run.
I hesitated before spinning around, nearly knocking over a mirror that then stood inches away from me. I backed away from it at what I saw. It was me. Everything else was different, but the fact that it was me that stood there.
Within the reflection, my doppelganger seemed to have been on a high school football field, and to add detail she was dressed in a cheerleading uniform, from the green and white puffs that hid her hands to the matching ribbons holding up her high ponytail that was straight in comparison to the oily hair that crinkled down my sides. She wore the same expression as me, imitating every sign of disturbance I had on my face.
I stepped further and further away from it and with every passing second, my face grew more revolted than the next as in the perfect synchronization it copied my every step, breath, and expression I made.
Suddenly, it moved out of sync and I froze, waiting for its next move. It walked closer up to the mirror's glass before its face silently pressed up against it. I looked to where I was headed, a fucking dead end. I sighed, porcelain becoming my eyes as it nearly solidified to become that of a doll's.
Gravitating back to the reflection were my emerald eyes, only to see its head slowly drawing back, prior to sending it shooting forward with full force to smash the mirror. Upon being bewildered by such, blood-curdling events my fingers rushed to conceal my lips from the horror that unfolded before me.
Going limp in totality were my muscles as revelation paralyzed every inch of my being. Over and over again the doppelganger repeated this stunt, the inside of the glass becoming a canvas to which blood became splattered across its entirety. Within every moment of contact from its forehead to the glass, though it soon fell into a rhythm, it seemed foreign to me each time.
Soon, it was as if I became hardened to it as I steadily walked around the mirror. It seemed to have noticed me as the tempo and power increased to a terrific degree.
Suddenly, I heard a crack. I ran straight for the opening I once entered, my lungs struggling to keep up with the pace of my breathing as my sides began aching from all the running I wasn't used to.
Nearing the edge of the tunnel, I bent my knees to leap, but interrupting the poor attempt was a terrific boulder that fell from above the opening, exploding any ounce of hope I had into oblivion. I flinched so hard that I fell back onto my ass once more, the pain being incomparable to the reverberating sound that emanated from the boulder smashing down inches away from my feeble frame.
"What. The fuck!" I screamed, pulling my knees up before sticking my fingers into the roots of my hair and latching on to it as I tugged mildly at them, releasing drawn-out whimpers as I felt my sanity slowly slipping away.
And as if things couldn't get much worse from that there was a sudden smash, the sound of clattering glass soon following suit.
With great steadiness, I turned around, meeting face to face with my doppelganger.
"Xenalina." It whispered as it gawked with a neutral expression.
In a voice nearly mute with dread, I asked, "what?" To which there headed no reply.
Seconds passed by and the both of us made not an effort to move from the positions we were in. Soon, minutes passed as well and there was not a single alteration.
I had no way of timing the minutes we wasted, but I knew it took a while before I tried to move, and from the moment I made an indication to stand up, the being began whispering to itself. Believing it was preoccupied, I rose to my feet.
Suddenly, it sprinted forward. My neutral face converted into one of pure horror as my body rotated on its own.
Sent zipping through the expanse of my anatomy was an amount of energy that was so great in its quantity that my mind could not even grasp it. This explosion of energy enabled me to reach the rock within seconds and even enabled my body susceptible to enduring the pain of crashing my fists against the rock, along with the ability to sever my vocal cords to shreds with the volume to which my voice exceeded above.
"HELP!" I bellowed, the pain being clouded with adrenaline as I screamed the rest from within the void into that of existence. "LET ME OUT! I'D DO ANYTHING I SWEAR! JUST LET ME THE FUCK OUT!"
Thinking back now, a totally rational belief would be that the being increased its pace for the sole reason of teasing me as its pace declined to a dramatically horrific stride, holding its shoulders close to its ears and gawking into my soul with its ghastly eyes -- eyes that painted a vivid portrait of how carved out and hollow this being really was -- eyes that made my sympathy mildly reach out for it. Whatever this being was, it had no intention or will behind any of it, which made it more heartbreaking than it should have been.
A tear delicately slid down to linger beneath its chin before plopping onto its uniform with the weight it endured.
Whatever it was, it was conscious, and even there, with my back against the rock enriched with my DNA, I pitied the being. There was probably nothing I could even do to please it anyway. It's either I protect myself or allow it to do as it was instructed to do to me.
I planned to do the latter, I promise you I did -- it didn't even put up a proper fight from there on out -- but given the fact it grew claws and swiped them across my face, something primate kicked in. With the stinging sensation encircling the area, my rationality became completely enveloped. I held onto the scar it left, wheeling my hand back to view the staining of the blood on my skin.
My eyes sought alignment with its grim-looking ones, my upper lip becoming hoisted with irritation before I grabbed onto that bitch and gave her the kind of beating only a numb-nuts 'alpha male' would deserve.
Honestly, I never wanted to hurt it, but boy was it satisfying.
Motivated by every infliction I made on the being, I continued until it was on the verge of unconsciousness.
Becoming the perfect force of infliction, my fingers became tight as they curled into my palm, simultaneously shooting all energy I had left within to completely gather into my fist.
Blazing with an unreachable amount of intensity was my knuckles as they launched the being straight into the unconscious.
Satisfied with my work, I leaped to my feet, listening to the sound of the body making -- for me, the opponent -- a satisfactory contact with the ground.
Becoming etched across the expanse of my cheeks was a smirk induced and bricked with a sense of mockery, nuzzling my features to display the fulfilling feeling that embraced my insides.
Doing what I did then taught me something. It taught me that sometimes we do really things, things that knowing their severity makes the circumstance maybe even pleasurable, and even if those things were viewed as morally wrong in the eyes of many didn't exactly mean they were.
Just because a belief is shared among millions and possibly billions, that doesn't prove its legitimacy, only confirms the fact that human rationality relies a lot on the approval of others, even if that can result in nothing but unnecessary annihilation.
And so as I stalked the path with my presence, the being awoke and shrieked in a voice nurtured with such regulation and volume that I felt warm from the blood that crept down my ears.
By instinct, I spun around, only to be met with the being. Its eyes bulged from its skull. My palms covered my ears as my face displayed shock at its purest.
Finally, it came to an abrupt end and finally fell limp onto the ground.
Unaware of what may happen next and troubled more with uncertainty, my brain anticipated the worst potential outcomes.
I took a deep breath amongst all the pain that was just starting to kick in, wiped the blood that poured onto my cheeks, and straightened my posture.
Just then, there was a shake. I assumed an earthquake, standing stoic and unbothered against my inevitable death, I stood immobile. Pure confidence finally kneeling to kiss the tips of my boots as my face remained untouched with any indication of fear.
The rock slowly but surely lifted, allowing a sincere smile to discover itself a gleeful residence on my face.
I strolled beneath it, and it was then that it fell without a warning onto me. Crushing every bone and bit of my being into a forbidden pudding.
 Author's Note
𝐋𝐨𝐥! 𝐈 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭, 𝐈 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠.
𝐒𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐞'𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧.
𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐬, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭... 𝐬𝐨 𝐧𝐨?
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𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤, 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰. ;-;
𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐲'𝐚𝐥𝐥 :) 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭.
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𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐯𝐨𝐭𝐞!
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