Please be advised that do not own any music or have rights to any names or songs.

The beeping of my phone was irritatingly distracting me from the script I had to finish in a couple of hours before shooting. Its not like running idol was a hard job, more like a physical one. But I did need to know facts about the people coming on the show so as not to offend them.

Rolling my eyes in defeat I gave up and decided to look at my phone, it was a message from my father not a surprise he liked to message me when I am trying to get work done. I read the message  it looked as if he was going to have a guest over that wanted to meet me, so, I needed to clean house.

It wasn't a big task since it was still clean from my last cleaning this morning. So I ran a dust mop over the wooden floors just to make sure that everything would be pristine.

There was a sudden knock on the front door startling me out of my scanning the living room for any flaws.

Opening up the door  a large burly man was waiting in the door way. I knew him instantly the loan collector it must be Saturday. I let him in with a smile that was returned, going to my purse, I got the envelope he was waiting for 200$ in cash as always.

Standing in the middle of the room he asked in a awkward stance, "how have you been doing? Is everything OK at home still? They haven't been hard on you again have they? "

I looked at him and smiled at him, he was a good guy who hated his job, but was forced to have it due to circumstances. Tilting my head I replied, "I am doing fine. Dad has a friend coming over in a little bit. I guess everything is fine since everything is the same as always. I know you worry about me big brother, but you don't need to."

He had his receipt book out for me, knowing I wouldn't hand it over the money with out it. Working off my mother and fathers dept, was going to kill me one day.

"I just don't like seeing you get hurt, especially since last time I came here, he was standing over you beating you, and your mom was encouraging him. It's not okay for people to hurt other people like that. This is coming from a Dept Collection enforcer." Rubbing the back of his neck in nervousness, his dark upturned large cat eyes with gold flecks looked sad and worried.

After our small talk and exchange he bid me farewell and left with out looking back.

My mood had just plummeted, it's sad when people are always taking pity on you all the time.

Some days I wished I could just end it all, the constantly working, my parents getting more and more into dept, My fake smiles when I am on television, or in Concerts.

My life was all pressure, my mom and dad forced me to go to the Jim Yang productions auditions I also went to Sam Malone, Young G, and Bandit entertainment Auditions, until I was accepted by Jim Yang productions. So we flew from A country to South K country with my family.

That's when all my troubles really started, they were bad before with my parents drug and alcohol uses, but now my mom and dad go to loan sharks, two different ones, why because they wanted a house, instead of the apartment I got them with my signing bonus check.

To say that I worked for my family was an understatement, my sister Ren only wanted the best school with a high tuition fee, so I am paying for that. My mom likes living in luxury, I pay for that, and my dad likes to go to underground gambling dens, I pay for that as well.

My life is not the fairy tale that most girls dream of, If it wasn't for me hiding money all the time, and great investment opportunities we would be so broke, we would be on the streets…. Well my family would be anyway, I have a dorm room to fall back on, thank goodness.

I have been in K country for 2 years now, and I have yet to have a day off or find a real friend. Yeah, I have my girls in the Angels, but due to all my scheduling I barely ever get to see them.

My Co workers on Running idols are just as busy as I am. Jackson Wong is the best though, I have known him since I was a trainee I might be able to call him a friend but he is more like an older brother.

By the time I get home, I pass out for a good three hours, and then I wake up and do it all over again.

Today was going to be a rare half day for me, but now, I am going to have to entertain until I go to the Running Idol shoot.

As I was pondering my sad life my father came home with a sleazy looking man, his small beady eyes romed my body, he introduced himself as Mr. Ha, but nothing about this man looked funny.

From the pimples on his face to the potbelly, and the greasy slicked back hair that looked like a cheap knock off of Elvis's, I instantly didn't like him.

Bowing to show respect to my father's company and not to look bad I said "hello I am Anna. How are you?"

He looked me up and down his slick backed hair glistening in the florescent lights, he gave a serpent like smile and said, " good now that I met an angel."

When he bowed back to me an awful stench came off of him, a mixture of body odor cigars and too much cheap cologne to try to mask it all.

He then bowed to my father and said, "as long as she is there by 6 p.m. tomorrow you will be dept. free."

my stomach  churned with disgust what father would do this to their daughter.

I didn't like the sound of this transaction, so I spoke up and asked, " how much does he owe you?" he looked at me laughed and answered back, " 500,000 or your virginity."

I gave an eye roll, and me being sarcastic know it all, I said, "whelp wince he sold my virginity 3 months ago it will have to be the money can I pay you back in instalments?" this pissed the man off he started to get red in the face from  anger and to yell at my father saying "you told me she was a virgin!"

It wasn't really taken I just had an arrangement with the man who wanted it. I did the same thing for my little sister. I figured what my parents don't know won't hurt me.

My father blushed and said, " I thought it was the other one that I sold sorry." this is when Ren walked in and after over hearing she said in a matter of fact voice, "oh you sold mine too last week. Though that guy was hella hotter than this one."

My phone alarm went off, I excused myself by giving the man my number saying to contact me when he wanted me to set up payments.

not wanting to linger any longer, I walked out and went to the set dragging Ren out with me.

I gave her a stern look and then said, you have two choices you can go to work with me and flirt with Jackson or Roman, or you can go hang out with your friends but don't come back here, I have a feeling you might get hurt.

She flipped her long Alabaster hair and said in a snarky voice, "I don't need your table scraps with Roman and Jackson, I guess I can just hang out with my friends. Not like you know what those are." She then turned on her heel and left, me a little disappointed.

I grabbed my phone out of my purse and made a call to my manager he told me he would be there in a few minutes and to wait for him outside he didn't like my family either.

10 minutes later a blacked out van stopped in front of me, my manager got out quickly and opened the door for me.

I was finally use to this treatment, at first I would get in trouble for opening my own doors, it's not considered lady like, or the right fit for my idol image.

It took us half an hour to get to the shooting site, and to my annoyance, my manager kept telling me about my  schedule for the upcoming week. I eventually tuned him out since I had everything down on my phone.

I walked on set greeting everyone that was on my way to the outfit/make-up trailer.

Once in there I quickly changed into my uniform and put up my hair into a high ponytail. I let the makeup artist do her thing then went to the film site which was in the three international finance center offices, I had a bad feeling about this.

I hated heights and high buildings they made me nervous and my normal security blanket Jackson wasn't here, I really needed him to challenge me and to pump me up into doing things stupid, and scary, or just bring out my  Competitive nature.

The mission was to run up the 88 flights of stairs to find which celebrity is crushing on you. Since I only know 3 Boys groups in all of Korea it's either Jackson Wong, or Jimmy from Gone,  Roman from Bad or Donny from EXOTIC.

I was hoping that today was going to be a better day since it was my birthday.

I turned 20 today and the only people that have remembered today where the Fans not that receiving thousands upon thousands of gifts is such a bad thing but, even my band mates forgot. I knew my family would always do it.

But my bandmates I thought were my friends, more of a family than my real family, it hurt that I was not important enough to them to remember.

I hated this feeling sorry for myself and I know that even though I wasn't whining externally I was doing it internally, and that was not me.

I should be grateful for the opportunities that I have that others don't, or the fact that I can have three meals a day, when kids in Africa only get one every other day.

I can just see my  internal fan girl wagging her finger at me yelling at me about falling into a pity party, and feeling sorry for myself. I could see her waving a sign over her head saying get your head back into the game.

I made sure my tennis shoes were tied and I had my water bottle in one hand and my phone in my pocket and my headphones in. The music was on shuffle the only bands I liked was Bad, Gone,  and the kings of K-Pop BangBang.

The current. Song was Romans Do You again, which was my favorite work out song I ran with the beat my feet matching the tempo as the landed on the staircase.

I started to sprint up the stairs going as fast as I could once I got to the 10th floor I was feeling the pain but the next song gave me a little energy boost BigBang Dance song fantastic baby.

This song always hyped me up when I needed the pick me up it was perfect for this work out, very high energy. I am determined not to lose to Jackson at this point.

My legs where shaky but I made it to the 30th floor where I refilled my water bottle. This is where I am grateful for all of my dance practice and the work outs that are required for the idols in our company or I might be turning in to mush at the moment.

I was determined to make it up all 88 flights so after my mini break I sprinted up more flights, I enjoyed the solitude that this mission afforded me.

I was able to get out of my head for a little bit not having to worry about family, friends, or work I could just relax and enjoy it.

I started to sing while running because this song was so catchy.

the sweat was running down my face and body, my heart was pounding in my ears in tune with the song.

I was able to make it to the top, but no one was there for me not even staff.

Just some cameras set up next to the white brick walls and a white mission card saying go to the roof and jump.

Being me I followed the mission I saw a plain slender man there in a harness and he motioned for me to come closer, he put a red helmet on my head with a GoPro, than he had me put on some equipment after checking everything was secure, he hooked himself to me, I could feel his hot breath on my neck and with cameras on ham and a parachute, I than noticed my personal camera man was in the same get up looking as scared as I felt. With out warning we jumped off the very high building and started to glide down to a huge target, I was screaming at the sudden jolt.

The rush of the wind hit my face cooling the sweat that was dripping on it. My voice was taken away by the beautiful city below us. I was in awe yet scared trying not to pee myself.

Waiting around the target was Park PD-nim and the rest, Of the running idols Rap Monster, Jackson, Jinyoung, and Cl. The group where all smiling, holding a cake singing happy birthday, I thought they where behind me, in the building the tears welled up at how touch I was.

After the man unhooked us ,I sat on the ground and started to cry, it was the first time in my 20 years, someone celebrated my birthday, even my family ignored it. I didn't know they even cared or knew it was my birthday.

They all came and gave me a group hug crying themselves. The PDs gave out tissues to everyone. Jackson was the first to me, he picked me up and spin me around, I can hear the rumors now how we where dating.

RM came next pushing Jackson away from me, than slinging one of his long toned arms around my shoulder asking, "where you surprised? Don't think you were the only one doing all the work though. We have been at this since 7 this morning."

Chiming in with, "yeah we had our own missions too which sucked, I had to do mud wrestling with these idiots. I broke a nail it hurt like hell, but  since I whooped all of their butts., I can get over it." CL said while checking her nail out. I gave her tiny frame a tight hug whispering "I love you too Noona. "

I knew my make up wasn't waterproof today, so, I was looking a mess even with the constant dabbing of the tissue. Jinyoung tapped me on the shoulder and quietly said,  "happy Birthday I hope it was a good surprise." I gave him a smile and nodded.

I gave the each of staff my thanks then once everyone was together I bowed to the group and talked them again. Once filming was done everyone headed our different ways some to other schedules some home. I just wanted to go to bed and sleep away... Pretending that I lived another life, a happier one.

I ended up going to the dorms to be with Tana and Shay, who where in my group. After I made myself some sea weed soup and every one else some steak hamburgers with some sides they ate not having any conversation saying they where tired from practice I asked them before they went to bed for a group picture they complied, than they went and stayed in their rooms the whole night.

It really was true they forgotten about my birthday this year I was hoping they would remember this time since I was home for once and not on a  schedule working like the last few years. I know they will eventually check social media and feel guilty about forgetting.

I up loaded the picture on SNS writing thanks to our fans and to my friends and family for all the birthday wishes. It was my passive aggressive way to show I was hurt by them forgetting again.