My eyes drifted open gently as the sun warmed my cheek tenderly. Still drowsy I rolled over to check my phone, my eyes were still fuzzy but the message from Layla was clear as day.
'Hi Daisy I just got word he's coming back today, don't worry about work just call me when you feel ready.'
I laid there motionless, staring blankly at my phone screen. My mind started to spin, old feelings mixing with rational thoughts. I was getting a headache already, I placed my phone face down onto my bed and roll away from it scooping a pillow into my arms. My face twisted into a hiddious expression as I pressed my pillow firmly into chin, holding it there for some time. I squeezed my eyes closed tightly, willing myself to go back to sleep, but it was no use I was awake. Wide awake.
Dragging my body out of bed into a slumped seated walk I headed for the shower at a snails pace. I threw on old jeans and a tattered tshirt, i didn't care what kind of mess I looked like because no one would notice. I made my way downstairs and set to making myself a very uninspired bowl of cereal. Sitting at the dining table I swished the spoon around the bowl, my mind began to fill with thoughts that were fractured and disjointed.
The same question kept resurfacing no matter how many times I tried to push it away. Should I go see him? Maybe it's better to go straight away, that way I can forget about it, I thought to myself. Would that be better? I argued with myself. If I ignored him then maybe I would see him by chance, it would be harder then if I planned it myself, I reasoned. But I didn't want to see him, continuing my back and forth until my bowl was empty I hadn't reached an answer.
Tossing my bowl into the sink I set out to the lake to settle myself. The past few years the lake was the only place I could go that helped me feel calm. A place that let me organise and work out my thoughts. Walking to the lake in shuffled, un hurried steps, the world around me became blurred. Everything was melting away, the sounds of people in the distance reminded me of people I no longer see.
Reaching the lake I sat on the small, rickety, handmade dock and looked out at the water shining like crystals. I exhaled a long low sigh, hoping to expel my terrible feelings but it didn't take them away.
"Hello stranger", a deep voice sounded softly behind me. I whipped my head around in an instant, a feeling of hope and expectation was exstigished from my face as I looked up at Alister. Over the years I had known him he had grown from a boy to a handsome man. He had chocolate, sun kissed, short unruly hair that he would often run his finger through playfully. His jaw was sleek and chiselled, making his appearance hard and unapproachable. The biggest give away of his gentle nature was his eyes, dewy hazel eyes with delicate flecks of gold, would carry a warmth that told you everything.
"Oh Ali it's just you", I sighed not attempting to hide my somber mood. Alister took a seat next to me and nudged my shoulder with his.
"Well now don't sound too disappointed to see me, I figured you might need a friend right now", he said tenderly wrapping his arm me, tugging me into a gentle side hug.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to seem ungrateful, I'm just not very sociable today", I sighed looking down at my hands in my lap.
"It's because Ben is coming back today isn't", he stated matter of factly. I shrugged but he continued to look at me expectantly for a better answer.
"Fine!", I blurted out angrily. "He disappears for 5 years without a word, then comes back and I'm suppose to what exactly? Pretend he didn't ghost me?", I exhaled, my feelings were starting to calm slightly with my deep breaths.
"I'm not saying any of that, I'm only worried if my friend Daisy is losing it", he said as he raised an eyebrow at my frantic words.
"I'm okay Ali, thanks for being my friend", I nudged my shoulder into his playfully with a half hearted smile.
"Anytime", he winked and stroked my arm comfortingly. I let out more tremendous sighs until I felt like I could talk without ranting.
"What should I do about Ben?", I said quietly but I knew Alister had heard me. He let out a long sigh of his own, before squeezing me tighter to him.
"What do you want to do Daisy? You could go see him today and ask for an explanation to get some closure on this. Or", he paused waiting for me to look up at him.
"Or?", I asked pulling my mouth to one side sceptically.
"Or you can move on and forget about Ben. Daisy you deserved better and", he paused again but this time looked like the words were stuck in his throat. "I know there's guys who would give anything to treat you better then that".
"You're my best guy friend, you have to say that, plus I don't see anyone lining up for me", I scoffed, rolling my eyes at his silly ideas and dropping my head to look back into my lap.
"Daisy, are you sure there's no one who waiting right in front of you", his words sounded so sincere it took me by surprise. But Alister would always joke like this so I knew better then to buy into it.
"Very funny Ali, but I'm serious, this isn't the time for joking around", I said irritably. He rested his head against mine pressing his cheek against my hair.
"I'm not joking, I like you Daisy, I have done for a long time", his words were just above a whisper but they rang in my ears over and over. I twisted my head up in seconds and his face was only an inch from mine. I tried to speak but the words dissolved on my tongue.
"I always said it was a joke, because I was worried I'd ruin our friendship, but I fell for you a long time ago Daisy, that's the truth", his words burned on my skin as my cheeks flushed pink. My mouth parted slightly when I tried desperately to say anything. He leaned his face in closer to mine, brushing the tip of his nose against my cheek. In an instant he rested his forehead against mine, so gently I could have mistaken it for a stray leaf grazing my skin.
"I âŠ", was all the words I could push through my lips. I closed my eyes and took a sharp breath in, my lungs filled with fresh air and his smell wrapped it's self around me. A deep rich scent of coffee hit me with force and in that moment my mind went back to a time just like this. Closing my eyes I saw Ben sitting next to me, looking up at him, his sober expression as we kiss for what felt like the last time.
My eyes snapped open and Alister's lips were pressed against mine. A rush of panic came over me as I pulled my lips from his. A wave of disappointment etched onto his face, a frown was craved into my own. His hand dropped from my shoulder and I leaned backwards from him.
"Ali, I ..", I tried fo say but I couldn't finish my thought. What could I even say? Alister was here and he wants to be with me. Why am I pulling myself away from him? My mind was agitated at my bodies actions. I needed to salvage this relationship before it completely crumbles. His eyes were fixed on the lake, a cold hurt expression now set into his handsome features. "Ali, I'm sorry you just caught me by surprise", I rested my hand gingerly on his chest which made his face soften and turn his attention back to me.
"Maybe I did rush things a little there", he chuckled dryly as he stroked my cheek with his thumb tenderly. A warm smile flowed onto my lips at the feeling of his hand against me cheek.
"Can I have some time to think about all this?" I sighed trying to calm my heartbeat, that had been going wild since the kiss. A half smile crept into the corner of his lips. He licked his lips enticingly, and grinned as I stared at his mouth.
"Seems to me like you still want a taste of me", he teased, sliding his hand over my hip, pulling me towards him sharply but still gently. As my hip pressed into his, my raised hands collided with his chest, my fingers delving slightly into his tshirt. My eyes were wide from the sudden cocoon he had evenloped around me with his body and presence. My bottom lip quivered anticipating a steamer kiss then the last. But then nothing, he smiled sweetly with one corner of his mouth turned up. "I'm playing with you, unless you want me to be serious? think it over Dai's.
My words caught in my throat as his lowered his face back down to mine. I held my breath as he swiftly lifted it slightly and kissed my forehead. I let out my held breath and I felt his smile against my skin as all the tension in my body started to melt.
Shortly after this he left and said a long goodbye, he hugged me much more tenderly then normal. We weren't friends like be use to be this morning. Once he was out of sight I laid back on the dock letting my legs dangled over the edge.
Alister ⊠after all these years, I didn't know what I'd do but I knew one thing. 'I'm definitely attracted to him' I thought to myself, but could there be more?