Human touch. Our first form of communication, non-verbal. It has connected us since birth. We touch when we are happy, when we are sad and it gives us a sense of safetiness and protection.
I am addicted to Jay's touch and that scares me because, soon, this fantasy of mine will come to an end. On the other hand, Gary's touch feels like a distant, almost forgotten memory.
A cold chill runs down my spine when his lips meet my cheek. "Sorry." He says. "Force of habit." He smiles awkwardly. I immediately take astep back and say. "Your things are by the bed, in the box." My voice sounded cold, just as I intended to be. "Alright, alright!" He says, raising his hands up. "But we still need to talk." I look away. "I know." And whisper half annoyed. We end up inside the bedroom.
"I'll start first." Gary says with a slight hesitation in his voice. "We've known each other for six years, we've been together for two. Do you really think you can't find it in your heart to forgive me?" I try to speak but he stops me. "Please, think of all the things we did together, think about our plans and dreams. Are you willing to give up on them because of one mistake?" He looks me in the eyes, grabs my hands and continues. I get startled but I try no to show it. "I have been there for you when things were rough with your family. I know how to handle your parents. You...you know they let you move here just because you came with me."
He gets up, abruptly, letting go of my hands. "You know I was the only one who was there for you and supported you when you said you wanted to write." As I was looking at him talking I noticed he seemed tired. I admired him for the hard work he put into making a career in acting but as a human being he still had work to do. He finally stopped talking. 'What the heck? Was he guilting me into taking him back?' I am getting a bit annoyed. His pleading face is almost breaking my heart,if I'm being honest, but there is no return. It might be the stubborness in me but I won't go back on my words.
"I am hurt. You hurt me, Gary." I begin to say with a low voice. "I did love you and maybe I still do but I am sure I can get over it, I need to!" I continue to say. I get up as well and speak louder. "The affair was actually just an excuse to break up with you. I wanted to do it back home. I felt a distance between us." I start walking back and forth.
"We're not the same. I thought that, here in London, we could change that. But I saw you and that girl in our bed and I knew nothing was going to change." I stop right in front of him. Looking up I say. "Don't you understand that it was over a long time ago?" He doesn't answer.
'This is getting frustrating, like...the whole situation!' I think as I run to the kitchen to drink some water. He follows.
"Ok, ok, I see that you are determined to end this." He looks directly in my eyes as he speaks. "Let me just say this, I made a mistake but I still think we could have been good together." I start laughing and move aways from him. "You're kidding right? I'm honestly relieved that I don't have to take care of you anymore. Goodluck with actually living alone and doing all the chores by yourself." I scoff.
I go back to the bedroom, raise his box on the bed and say. "Would you please take your things and get out?" He was shocked and wanted to say something but in the end he did not and just took the box in his arms.
On the way to the door I remember something. He always had a good relationship with my parents. I couldn't stop him from talking to them but at least I could try and make him take a break from calling them for a while.
"So...can you not talk with my parents for a while, please?" I open the door. "You know I hate their drama. Mom has been nagging me about this breakup anyway." He steps out and I shut the door before I get an answer. 'Shoot, was that rude?' I wonder but in the end I just shrug it off and go to check my phone.
I quickly send out a message to Mary to see how are things at work. 'Maybe he finished his lunch meeting.' I think and get ready to send Jay a message too.
"Hi. I'm done with the thing I had to do. Whatcha' doing?" I write the message with a couple of winks at the end.
I giggle and start singing Ed Sheeran's "Perfect". 'Perfect is the most suitable word I have for the morning I just had.' I end up shyly smiling in my pillow.
I had no time to feel all these terrible emotions that Gary was bringing out from inside me. I wanted to be happy. I had to be happy because being sad, crying and alone was just something that I couldn't handle. I needed to be happy. I needed...his touch.