Day6 "Shoot me" wakes me up. 'Oh, I forgot the TV on.' I feel cranky. I must have fallen asleep while I was waiting for his message. 'My phone. I need to check my phone.' There were 3 new messages. 'He answered.' I was starting to feel happy.
My head hurts so I decide to read them after I drink some water. I turn off the TV and proceed to the kitchen. Opening the fridge I gulp the water, like a thirsty animal, right from the bottle. I inhale and exhale hard for a couple of seconds.
'Calm down!' I internally yell at myself. You would never think that such an act as to simply drink water can be a life and death experience for somebody, but, at that moment, that's how it felt for me.
I hear someone knocking at the door. I leave the bottle on the counter. I'm a bit surprised and wonder who might it be. As I open the door I am met with a pair of dark, shiny eyes and a wide smile. "Hi." He says. "Hi." I say with a low voice. Awkward silence for a couple of seconds. "Hmm..hi." I say a second time with a more girlish voice.
Opening the door wide open he comes inside. I noticed that he was carrying a suitcase.
I knew what it ment. My expression saddened quickly. "So...suitcase?" I point at it asking for an explanation. "Yeah. About that...'' He was hesitant in answering. "I have some urgent business in Seoul. I'm catching a flight back home at midnight." He leaves the luggage by the door and follows me to the kitchen. "I sent you a few messages. I assume you haven't read them." As he says that he turns me to face him and gently raises my chin to look at him properly. "Such a sweetie." I blush.
My hair was a mess, my face puffy and I had sleepy eyes, but it didn't seem to bother him so I tried not to show my embarrassment. "So soon." I say without thinking. "I...I don't want you to leave." I was afraid of my words before I spoke them out loud but that didn't stop me. He chuckles. "I don't want to leave either." He kisses my lips gently. As he sits on the chair he says the words I dreaded to hear. "But I need to be there. My life is there. I didn't know I'll meet you here but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate being with you these past few days."
He was honest from the start, he did not promise anything, he never mentioned "us" or if there could ever be a future where we meet again. I knew from the beginning that this was it.
I put on a smile, a sad smile, but it was a good smile because I was already mentally prepared for this.
I try to cheer myself up. "Alright then." I said. "Let me make you something for dinner so you won't travel on an empty stomach." My immediate thought was: 'Wow, chill girl! Going all wifey on him, aren't you?' I smile wide at the thought of being his wife. Meanwhile I check the fridge for ingredients.
As I cook he starts explaining to me why he has to leave. I still feel weird about the whole situation but I tell myself that it was meant to be this way. I should be happy that I met him. Lost in my own thoughts I don't realise he stops talking but I feel when he approaches me.
His warm body embraces me from behind. His hands are entangled over my belly and he starts kissing my neck. 'Oh,sweet Jesus!' I allow myself to feel a sweet and maddening sensation as his lips touch my skin. "Ok, ok, ok." I step aside. "If you want to eat please, sit in your chair." I try to be serious but end up laughing. "Sorry. I just wanted your attention. It seemed like you were daydreaming." He sits back on the chair. "Sorry. I'm randomly thinking about stuff. It happens often." I answered shyly. "It's awesome when I need ideas for writing but not that awesome when I'm with someone." He nods. "I get it, don't worry." He pauses a little. "Plus I didn't mind getting your attention back." We both start laughing.
I finished cooking dinner, some vegetable soup, toast and sliced tomatoes. "Enjoy!" I was excited as I put a plate on his side. 'I really hope he likes it!' I tell myself that my food is tasty. "I will, I'm sure of it!" He reassures me as if he read my thoughts.
We were quiet during dinner, it was 9pm at the time. As the clock was reaching 10pm we were both ready to leave. "Cute keychain!" He says while I lock my door. "Thanks. It's a pink bunny." I say proudly.
We arrived at the airport. 'It will be sad to return alone at home.' That thought makes me uncomfortable. Jay grabs my hand. "Let's go." He smiles brightly. "This is nice. It's my first time having a girl to send me off somewhere. " I suddenly feel shy. "Wait a minute. What about your fans?" I ask him with a suspicious face. "It's not the same." He says kissing my cheek gently. "You know it's not the same."
I felt good. I know this is the end between us but I am strangely happy. There is something about him that makes me think I'll be alright no matter what.
We walk slowly to the check-in gate. It's like both of us want to stop the time, to be together a little longer but unfortunately we are inevitably faced with the 'goodbye' moment.
"This is it for me, I guess." Awkwardly I give him a peck on his lips. He hugs me in return. So hard, almost leaving me breathless but I didn't mind. I loved every second of it. "Oh, here." I tell him handing a piece of paper to him. While he was in the bathroom, back home, I wrote him a short poem. "I wrote it for you. To remember me by." He seems pleasantly surprised. "Don't look at it though, until you're on the plane." I plead being too shy to actually see his reaction to the poem. "Alright. I'll read it on the plane. Promise!" He puts it in his pocket and hugs me one more time. "Thank you for this. I'm so happy I met you." I manage to say as I break the hug. "Thank you too. I will never forget you. It's a promise." He says. I end up giggling.
'Such a handsome man.' I take one last look at him as we wave each other goodbye.
I leave with a satisfied smile on my face. Returning home I feel inspired. I turn on my old laptop and start writing. Mixed emotions flow through me as I start writing. 'This is it. This is what I needed to start writing again!' Joy can be seen on my face.
This is the beginning of a new adventure, even though it is different from the short but sweet love story that Jane had with Jay Park.
We live and learn
We love and cry
My story's essence
To dream as long as you're alive.