I take a deep breathe in, I can hear my heart beating, beating like the drums we dance to under the winter sky. I see Baba enter the pit and I breathe out; I pull my spear out from the ground and we circle each other. My heart is beating so fast, I feel like it will come out of my chest ... I think I am going to throw up. I see him charge at me and I am unsure of how to proceed, I decide to brace for impact, I put my shield in front of me and dig my feet in, however I am still not ready for the brute force of his attack.
I felt the wind knocked out of me as he ran straight through me. I regret my decision already, I know I am lying face up on the ground but all I can see are spots of light instead of the sky, "kunye, kubili, kuthathu (One, two, three). I barely heard him, due to the ringing in my ears and I only registered that I had to get up and fast. "Vuka, Vuka Thandiwe" (Get up, get up, Thandiwe), I hear the voice in my head shout at me, I groan as I try to lift my head up, I head feels like its spinning, so I settle for turning onto my side. I got up using my hands and knees, and finally on both my feet, my back was burning, not from the heat of the sun, but the force that I landed with.
I could not read his face, but I knew this was to make a point. He had the first down, but he had to get two more to win, I would not make the same mistake twice. I finally stand up straight and take a deep breath in and slowly breathe out. I still do not fully have my bearing when I see him charge at me again, and this time I ran towards him, as he came closer, I dove for his leg using my shield to help me slide. Mid run he tries to jump out of the way, but he must have lost his balance because I heard him come down with a thud. I get up slowly as I count, " one...two...three", by three I was on my feet, but he was still on his back, still trying to get up. When he turned around, I saw blood on his knee, he must have scraped it when he fell, I wanted to feel bad for him, but he decided to use his brute strength against me.
He spat on the ground and I could see the spit was mixed with blood, we begin circling each other again. He moves his spear to his right hand and comes forward one step at a time, he is pointing his spear at me and I am weary of his next move. I am trying to anticipate his next move, but I have never seen Baba fight, so I am not sure what to expect, soon he is at arm's length and I am so focused on his spear I am caught off guard by him when he spins to his left and hits me with the base of his spear on my side. I cry out trying to move away from him, but he is already behind me, I feel his foot at the back of my knee as I fall on one knee. I feel the tip of his spear behind the base of my neck, " Yield!".
Now I know he is trying to make a point because in a real fight I would be dead by now, but all he this tells me is that he is holding back. This makes me even angrier because it means he does not see me as a worthy opponent!
I cower down and roll my body away from him and get back on my feet, " never", I throw my spear right at his head. He ducks the spear and looks up to find me charging at him with my shield in front of me. Since he was too busy ducking my spear, I built up enough momentum to hit him head on. It was not enough to push him over, but it made him take a few involuntary steps back, I was breathing hard and more determined than ever.
My spear is now on the ground in front of me and I pick it up quickly, getting into a fighting stance. The spears we use have short handles and were never meant for throwing, but what Baba does not seem to understand is that I was trained to use my opponent's strengths against him. My instructor never failed to remind me that I was a woman and that I was smaller and shorter than most men I would come across and that if I ever wanted to beat a man, I always must be smarter. I was specifically for fighting opponents that are bigger and stronger than me, he trained me to used distractions and speed against my opponent.
If Baba came here expecting me to quit, he would be sorely disappointed. I am standing further away from him now because I want to see everything from afar. I see him run towards me again and this time I move out of the way, but he does not slow down. I raise my shield as I feel his spear hit my shield repeatedly. He has me on the back foot, with each blow I move back defending against his blows. In this type of close combat, he is using his height advantage against me, I know as soon as I try to look over or around my shield to attack, one of his blows will injure me. As I am trying to figure out a way to move passed him, he uses his spear to pry my spear away from my body and used his leg to sweep my leg out from under me. Before I know it, my back is on the ground again, next thing I know I feel his knee on my wrist and I cannot grip my spear or roll away from him "one.... two...three." All I could feel was the pain of having almost all his weight on my wrist, my eyes begin to sting from the pain inflicted on me.
When he then gets off my wrist, I have let go of the spear and am cradling my hand. It hurts so much, it felt like he was grinding my wrist into the ground. However, even in my pain I notice that takes him longer to count this time, he is taking long deep breathes I think this fight is starting its toll on him. I roll to my side, get on my knees, and stand up. I leave my spear on the ground, my wrist hurts too much to try and hold my spear, I pick up my shield and begin to circle again.
I feel a cool breeze blow through, and I feel it dry my wet cheeks, my tears are drying up and my eyes see clearer. I take a deep breathe in and slowly out, we circle each other, and I can see from the expression on his face, he feels smug because he thinks it is over. I stop, stand up straight and start to walk towards him slowly, my wrist hurts so I have no choice but to outwit him. I smile, "Kanti ungisaba kangaka? (Are you really afraid of me?), I mean, I am walking towards you with nothing, but my shield and you still have your spear and shield, what are you so afraid of?"
Baba smirks, I think he knows what I am doing but wants to defeat me entirely, so he allows it. Instead of replying he stands up straight, shrugs his shield off and plunges his spear into the ground, in response I lower my shield to the ground. He still has the advantage of height, weight, and skill, he knows it too which makes him arrogant. We start to circle each other again, we come closer and closer to each other, he takes a swing at me, I ducked down and punched his stomach, while trying to get up I did not anticipate his elbow coming down on my neck.
And just like that I felt my limbs fail me, I felt all the energy leave my body at the same time as I collapsed onto the ground. I hear him start to count and I still could not get up, I felt the tears run down my face onto the dust I am face down in. I am still struggling to get up, when I feel Baba, turn me face up, he is finished counting and he puts his arms under my knees and back and lifts me up to his chest. I wiggle and try to get away, 'Ngiyeke, ngiyeke' (leave me alone, leave me alone). I try to push away from him but he remains silent and just holds me tighter, I stop struggling realising the futility of wasting what little energy I had left. Instead, I focus on not crying, I refuse to let him see me cry and how much pain I am in right now. I focus on breathing in and out slowly, and eventually the tears stop.
By the time I can feel and am able to move my arms and legs again we are back in the village, Baba enters our hut, and lays me down on my mat. Ma is not frantic with worry, which is what I expected, leading me to believe she knew where I was and what I was doing. However, that knowledge did not stop her from gasping when she saw my dirt covered face and body and the bruises, I was sure were forming. The only thing I am grateful for is that no one had seen Baba carry me through the village like this, I would never live it down. After he lays me down, I turn my back away from him and Ma and face the wall of the hut, 'Thandiwe!'. I immediately recognise Ma's warning tone but cannot bring myself to care right this moment. I wait until I hear Baba's footsteps leave and once he is away from our hut, then breathed out and let the tears fall.
I am not sure where everyone is, but I am sure the hut is empty, I cry and cry until I feel I have no more tears left. My body has cooled down and now I begin to feel all the pain from the fight, every time I try to move, I feel like I am being punished repeatedly. I settle on sleeping on my stomach for now, I guess this is what I get for being stubborn. I chuckle to myself; I wish Sindiswa had been there to witness it, I struck Baba, that alone is reason to be happy. But I am not happy, I know I did my best and he still beat me, he was right and that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. This means I will not be able to fight, and I feel the tears come back, my vision becomes a blur as the tears drop onto the floor beneath me.
I do not care whether I have the title or not, I am a fighter, I know it and now Baba knows it too. He knows I am not afraid to strike a man if I must. I can take care of myself and this means after my twenty first winter I will be able to leave and never look back. I begin to feel my eyes become heavy and begin to close. Freedom is within reach, I just know it, I just hope and pray Baba will at least let me have that.