I am lying on my back as I stare up at the darkness that fills our hut. There is no moon in the sky tonight and the border fires are too far to even cast shadows inside our hut. I should be asleep but my mind is too busy, I cannot get today out of head...
The sun had passed its midday height and the wind was slowing down into a swift cool breeze, we were sitting in a comfortable silence when I felt her back slack and her full weight lean into me.
My sister fell asleep and I couldn't bring myself to wake her up, so I angled myself so that her back leaned into my chest and my arms went around her back and chest to interlock around her shoulder, besides it didn't feel right to move and wake her up, I wouldn't even know what to say to her, so I left her to her blissful slumber.
When the sun began setting, and the blue sky started turning into a hue of red and orange, I knew evening was upon us and I would inevitably have to wake her. Thankfully before I had to wake her I saw Bhekumuzi, Nokubonga' s brother in law walk by. I waved him over and when he saw us he simply shook his head and chuckled.
I thought he would wake her up but he simply motioned for me to keep quiet and he set his weapons on the ground, knelt down next to us and put his arm under her legs and lifted her into his arms. She barely woke up when he lifted her, she was clearly very tired and woke up just enough to put her arm around his neck and then continue sleeping.
For a split second, I thought I saw him give her a look I've only seen Baba give uMa very few times in my life, it was soft and affectionate but deeper than that. Before I could finish studying his expression it was gone, he looked up and blinked it away.
I stiffly got up, I could hear my knees and elbows cracking as I stretched from sitting still for too long. I picked up his weapons and her basket which was still sitting on the riverbank, and decided that I would come back for the skins later. I followed him walking towards Nokubonga's hut.
The wind had gone down enough for the walk to her hut to feel pleasant. I walk behind Bhekumuzi, for various reasons, the one being that he has longer legs and I simply cannot keep up with him. I am also avoiding awkwardly walking next to him since I'm not much of a talker with people I'm not close to.
But mostly I am just enjoying the view of him walking in front of me, I am not blind and unfortunately, I cannot stop my eyes from taking in his appearance.
He is tall, the top of my head does not even reach his shoulders. His broad strong back, and his thick, firm thighs like tree trunks, his steps are sure, and unesizotha (he walks with dignity) .
I can't explain it, something about the combination of his physical appearance and the way he presents himself is .... mouth watering. Not only that, he is a warriors in our tribe, obviously, but he was also one of the few people in the village who were amused when he heard about my fight noBaba
I keep glancing up at his back muscles and his arms straining from lifting my heavily pregnant sister and not once has he complained. I am seriously ashamed because escpecially considering what my sister told me today, and yet I seemingly cannot stop my self from shamelessly drooling over him.
Almost too soon, we were at her hut, he went in and to lay her down as I wait outside, he came out and I gave him their things. Without even looking up at his face, I thanked him and proceeded to sprint back to the riverbank, where I hauled the now dry skins back to nyanga's hut.
When I got there she wasn't inside so I left them inside her hut and began to trudge my way back to our hut, the exhaustion of the day finally getting to me.
"Sisi, Sisi?", I am poked out of my reverie by my brother, and at this time of night, its too dark to see so I'm not sure which one it is. "Mmhhm", as soon as I respond, he crawls from their shared mat onto mine, he feels around and then sneaks under my skins and proceeds to lay his head on my shoulder, I feel his arm and leg wrap around me and his breath fan against my neck as he settles in.
It's Nhlanhla, it has to be, I know because when the boys were younger, uMa had to give extra attention to Nkosinathi since he was sickly, so I basically had to raise Nhlanhla.
He's too old to be trying to cuddle with me but he used to sleep with me before they got their own mat and in many ways I consider him my first born. Although Ma loves them equally but she simply couldn't give them both the same attention, so he became mine, mine to sing to when he cried at night, to feed, clothe, discipline and heal when wounded, my little boy.
Instead of pushing him off me, as I probably should, I wrap my arm around his waist bringing him closer to my body, I kiss his forehead and feel him gradually fall asleep. I know I shouldn't coddle him escpecially at his age, if anyone of the boys in the village were to find out, he would be teased, mercilessly. He knows not to show this type of affection in front of others and in the near future, either I won't be around or he will grow out of needing this from me, so I will take what I can get, escpecially after a day like today... I need any comfort I can get.
The day after tomorrow is THE DAY.
I will be completeing my healers exam. Baba still hasn't returned from wherever he went and since I was on punishment I haven't had time to go over everything I learned. Tomorrow is the last day before I become a healer, I have learned over the years, I am confident I will prevail.
I am counting on Sindiswa to help me remember, this is too important, it is my last chance at freedom, I NEED to make the best of this ... Before Baba finds a man and has me married and pregnant before my twenty first summer.
Nhlanhla's breathing starts lulling me to sleep and I let it, I'll need all my strength for when the sun comes up, and with that I surrender to sleep.
I barely feel, Nhlanhla being removed from my arms, but I don't let go of him. "Mdedele!" (Let go of him), someone is whispering into my ear, my eyes feel too heavy to open, I groan no, but the voice keeps repeating the same thing all while trying to pull him out of my arms.
"uMa uzovuka manje!" ( Mom is going to wake up soon!), that gets my attention and I fully wake up to see Nkosinathi hovering over me, I let go of uNhlanhla and he pulls his brother onto their mat, all the while Nhlanhla is still fast asleep.
It must be dawn, I can hear the rooster crow and I can see that sunrise is upon us, the morning air is still cool and although I want to go back to sleep, but I need to make the most of today. I start by sitting up and stretching my arms and all I feel is the stiffness in my neck and my dry iching eyes. I lean over and to shake Sindiswa awake, its rare I even get to wake her, so I have to do it right.
I place both my hands on the edge of her skins and rip her skins off her body and shake her until I see big, white eyes glaring back at me.
I let go of her immediately, almost falling back into my mat, it's not the first time this has happened but, its still unnerving.
I lean forward again and shake her, I know it means she had a dream, I hope she can remember this one, she groans and closes her eyes again and then opens them again. This time I'm met with her dark brown eyes staring at me.
"Vuka!" I tell her and proceed to get to my feet. The village is busy already, my brothers must join the men in taking the cattle out of esibayeni ( stable), and we must make breakfast for everyone.
I attempt to step over Sindiswa who still hasn't left her mat, but when I do she grabs my leg and pulls me down so quickly, that I lose my balance and fall on her mat. I'm about to pinch her hard when she rolls herself on top of me and whispers, "ngiphuphe ngawe" (I had a dream about you) then, using my shoulders as leverage, she gets up onto her feet. An involumtary shiver moves through my body , Sindi doesn't have good dreams, they are usually very dark, foreboding and full of warnings.
I want to ask her what she saw but she's already left me, I look up to see her motioning Nkosinathi to wake our brother up. Nkosinathi was right because Ma just woke up, and I quickly sit up to greet her, I get up and leave the hut to light the fire outside. After the breakfast is made and everyone is fed, the boys leave and I ask uMa if I can borrow Sindiswa for the day, to which she narrows her eyes.
"Nizoyaphi?" (Where will you go?), "Phesheya komfula" (Across the river), thats where most healers gather our plants, so it makes sense to go there to remind myself of the differnt plants and their uses.
I can tell she doesn't like the idea of both of us being out of sight the entire day, but she relents, and I am grateful. We really need to talk, far away from prying eyes and ears. In the village there's always someone watching and listening.
"Lingashoni ilanga!", (The sun must not set), "Yebo Ma!" ( Yes mom) we shout back. We should be back before the sun sets so its not a lie. I feel Sindi grab my hand and I intertwine our fingers, tightening our grip and I start to run, basically dragging her behind me. I don't feel bad because we cannot waste daylight escpecially today.
I slow down as we approach the river, we are breathing heavily but we don't stop, still holding each others hands, we begin to wade our way across the river, like many times before. Its early morning now and the sun is still rising but already clouds roll across the sky. The clouds are small and grey and the air is moist, it might even rain tonight but we will be back by then.
Once we are through the river, our legs are cold and dripping with water and our feet are caked in mud but I find it refreshing. The riverbank is lush with green grass, so we don't run but we are walking fast, soon the village is barely visible behind us and I begin to slow down and Sindi lets go of my hand, she's been quiet the whole way which is odd.
"Ngibone ingonyama enemiqa" ( I saw a lion with stripes)
That's not possible, there's no such thing as a lion with stripes, she knows that, I choose not to say anything out loud and wait for her to continue.
"I was standing in a jungle, surrounded by big trees, they were so tall I could barely see the sky through the trees and that's when I noticed it, crouching on a branch, like a leopard but bigger. It had no mane, it had an orange coat with black stripes on its fur from its face all the way to it's long tail. But something was wrong with it's eyes. It's eyes were green but foggy, like when someone can't see, or see clearly but somehow, it was looking right at me. I was so scared I couldn't even move."
By now we're standing still, Sindi has wrapped her arms around herself, like she was still scared even though she knows it was only a dream. I don't want to rush her but if she keeps quiet any longer I will shake her.
" It was weird, it was in a tree and it was hunting alone lions don't do that. While was thinking that it started to move it's shoulders, like it was getting ready to pounce, as it jumped at me, that's when I noticed your bangle on it's front right leg and that's the last thing I saw before you woke me up."
I don't know what to say, I am confused and Sindiswa has had many dreams. Some were horrific and some she could barely remember, but this is definately the most strange. A lion with stripes? Never!
I pull her to my arms and hold her tightly. "Ncese" (I'm sorry), I know her dreams are far from pleasant, Baba offered to take her to the sangoma (witchdoctor) to take them away, but she declined.
She shakes her head against my neck, " ngiyafuna ukwazi, ngifuna ukusiza, kuphela" (I want to know, I want to help, that's all). It's her gift and her curse, to foresee and tell us, I squeeze her one last time before letting go.
She has been so brave, the least I can do it try to do the same, so I force the biggest smile I can onto my face "Woza, fanele ungisize ngifunde okokugcina" (Come, you have to help me study one last time), she smiles back at me and then starts questioning me on the different plants.
In the back of my mind, I already know the strange lion is someone, but I cannot focus on that right now. For now, I focus on tomorrow, tomorrow I become Inyanga.