Chereads / Why Am I Here?! / Chapter 3 - Chapter 3) I’m Home…Where is That Exactly?

Chapter 3 - Chapter 3) I’m Home…Where is That Exactly?

YES! She bought my act, now I can finally go home. I miss my room, my bed, and even that little grouchy sister of mine. I thought I heard her say something weird at the end there, but I must be imagining things. As the light grows brighter, I close my eyes. Why is teleportation always so bright and flashy, I wonder? Oh well, that's not important right now, I'm going home!

The light finally subsides and I hesitantly open my eyes. It's a little dark in here, is no one home? I look around and see the dirt flood and the stone walls of the "room" I am in. I look up and see the glowing moss that I had grown sick of seeing over the past 5 years, but all of this must be a visual hallucination, it's all in my head. I must have gotten too exited about going home. There's no way I can be in a place like this on Earth after all. HAHAHAH!

".....WHY THE HELL AM I IN A DUNGEON!?" I scream at no one in particular. "Ok, calm down me, there has to be an explanation for this."

Then I remember that Ms. Lackadaisical said she is giving me a system she created herself. What is she the Goddess of anyway? The Goddess of Laziness? That's not important right now, I need to open up the system somehow to get some information.

"....System! nope. Open Files! not that either. Hey, Alexa! dammit, I was banking on that one." I spoke to myself like a crazy person.

Then it dawned on me, I didn't want to believe it. The biggest cliché that every fantasy fan is aware of. I really don't want to say this out loud, but I need information! Here goes nothing...

"...Open Status."

*ding!*

Name: Kilo Axiom, Gender: Male

Level: 1

MP: 50

Stats:

STR: 10 DEF: 10

AGI: 10 INT: 15

DEX: 10 WIS: 15

LUK: 25 RES: 15

Skills: ???, ???

Blessings: Goddess of ******, God of Reincarnation

Current State: Annoyed, Pleased

"Huh, I thought it was going to be full of redundant information. Why is there no HP though?"

*ding* [Do you not know when you are about to die?]

"Ok, that's fair. Then why is my luck stat so high? I don't remember the last time I considered myself lucky."

*ding* [This is due to the blessing of the Goddess of ******.]

"Um, ok? Am I to assume that the stats shown do exactly what their names suggest?"

*ding* [Your stats are split into two different categories. Your physical stats: STR, AGI, DEX, DEF, and RES. These are all straightforward in terms of effects. Next is the stats that augment your mind: INT, WIS, and RES. RES, or resistance, is an all encompassing stat that protects you from magical attacks and attacks on the mind.]

"How do you work exactly? Do I have to go kill things to get experience? I didn't see a category for useable stat points."

*ding* [What kind of game do you think you're living in? There is no such convenient method like that to gain power. This system is nothing but a record of your strength and skills. Your stats are just number estimates. The only way to gain power is through training and diligence. Any systems that tell you otherwise are a bunch of lying hypocrites. Those 'useable stat points' you speak of are nothing but borrowed power from the gods. My creator made me so the mankind may one day reach greater heights on their own two feet.]

"...Now that was a cliché dodge I wasn't expecting. I have a feeling me and you are going to get along swimmingly. What should I call you?"

*ding* [My official name is The Record of Strength System or ROSS for short.]

"Your voice sounds more on the feminine side, so can I call you Rose?"

*ding* [Did you just assume my gender?]

"Ah, wait, that's my bad. Ross it is then?" I say in a panic.

*ding* [I'm kidding, you may call me what you please.] Rose said with a giggle.

I recover after a few seconds, "Right, now that we have the first info-dump out of the way, I have a question. Where are we exactly?"

*ding* [It seems to be a cave of some kind or a dungeon according to what you said earlier.]

"That's not what I'm asking and you know it." I said with a slightly annoyed tone of voice.

*ding* [I only have as much information as you do. I can't tell you where we are, but would you be interested in a sarcastic comment?]

"I've gotten enough sass out of you today, lets just get out of here.....wait, where are my cloths?" I say, confused.

*ding* [That is an excellent question, but it is better left for later as we have company.]

I look at the opening at the other side of the "room" and see a small silhouette walking towards me. As it comes into the light, I see a creature that didn't exist in the tutorial world but one I am very familiar with. It has green skin, scrawny arms and legs, has a the height of a 10 year old child, and it has a beer belly for some reason. Why do I refuse to say the name of this creature? Its because I am currently trying to escape reality. What are the chances that I meet the apex of all cliché monsters the day I return to earth?

It runs towards me at a pitiful speed, my speed walk could overtake this poor thing. It jumps to land a hit on my face with its wooden club. what do I do in retaliation? I simply hold my leg out in front of me. Its body folds in half over my foot and falls to the ground with a "flop." I look at the pitiful green creature with sympathy as I pick up its club. It desperately tries to get up to its feet, but just as it does I swing the wooden club at the middle of its forehead. The small creature's skull caves in with a disgustingly satisfying "squelch." I watch as it falls limp on the floor with mixed feelings. One side of me feels bad for it while the the other side of me revels in how amazing it feels to crush skulls with a bludgeoning weapon.

{Skill: Blunt weapon mastery lv. 1 unlocked}

{Character Trait: Merciless; recorded}

I look at the notifications with a dead pan expression. What about me is merciless exactly? I took pity on the little green man didn't I? I question the system's judgement of character as I was walking along, looking for an exit. I thought I heard a "smack" and a "crack" of two more skulls being crushed, but I'm sure its just my imagination.

After I see two more notifications for my blunt weapon mastery leveling up; I find out a little bit more about how the system works. The skill only levels up when I make a conscious effort to correct my form and swing the club with better efficiency. The levels of my skills are the same as my stats in that they are only estimated numbers for my strength. I tried opening the page with my character traits but is says that it doesn't have enough information to form a complete analysis.

After walking for about an hour, I head footsteps coming towards me. I thought it was more little green men, but it turned out to be something much more dangerous. I hide in the shadows of the cave, creeping forward, I start to hear a voice.

"Hey guys, welcome to my stream! Today, we are gonna hunt some goblins!" a woman said in an overly cute voice.

She is wearing "armor" that resembled what a character straight out of a hentai doujin would wear. She has long blonde hair that is in two twin tails on the side of her head. Her nice figure could clearly be seen, especially because her "armor." Its a white leotard with black accents with metal plates over each of her breasts. The outfit barely left anything to the imagination. Following her, there are three males that seem to be her film crew. One held a camera, another carried a microphone, and the last one seemed to be taking care of the lighting.

They passed by me in the distance, so I decided to follow them. I've only met three creatures like this in the wild, there is only one scenario that plays out in these circumstances.

{Skill: Stealth lv. 1 unlocked}

{Skill: Foresight lv. 1 unlocked}

{Character Trait: Stalker; recorded}

I'm not a stalker dammit! That poor innocent film crew is about to be killed due to that woman's recklessness! You can't go into a dungeon full of little green men dressed like that and expect to come out alive!

My thoughts are interrupted by the woman, I'll call her Ms. Exhibitionist, "Alright! let's get to work, we have our first prey of the day!" she says as a little green man waddles towards her.

She pulls out a long, thin sword from her waist. Its called a Rapier, or something, I don't know. I don't use swords. She runs toward the poor little green creature and thrusts her sword towards its face.

"Haaaa!" she screams cutely as she obliterates its head. Ms. Exhibitionist looks back at the camera, emphasizing her breasts and winks.

"That's one down!" she says in an overly high pitched and cutesy voice.

So...this is how people make money now, filming genocide while wearing "armor." I keep following them at a safe distance; my stealth skill leveled up a few times as I corrected my posture and took lighter steps. After killing about 10 more little green men, she comes across a large door that screams "This is the boss room." She starts yapping at the camera again before walking towards the door, swaying her hips back and forth.

It seems my fears have come true, Its like watching the first episode of that one anime that I shall not name. Should I stop them? What if I'm wrong and the boss is really weak? Despite my thoughts, I follow them into to the room and hide in a corner. Its not like I'm curious or anything, I just want to make sure the innocent film crew gets out of here alive. I look over to my side, and I see something that I probably shouldn't have seen. It was a tall, muscular, green man staring at the group in the middle of the room. It seemed to be the boss of this place, the only problem is that he is currently fully erect, looking ready to pounce at any moment.

I turn away from that traumatizing scene as the Ms. Exhibitionist begins talking, "Come out here and face me!"

Almost on cue, the boss lunges at breakneck speed towards the woman in "armor." The man who was in charge of lighting shielded the woman.

"Watch out!" he screamed.

Before he could pull out his weapon, he was punched in the stomach and launched through the air like a toy missile. This gave the woman time to pull out her sword; she thrust it towards the boss's head, only for it to be swatted away. He tore her "armor" away, and was about to go down on her. Before he could, the man holding the microphone pulled out a gun and shot the boss in the head. The bullet bounced off and left nothing but a scuff mark. The boss turned around and lunged toward the man with the gun and bitch-slapped him. He was promptly knocked unconscious.

For some reason, the camera man didn't move to help and kept filming. I thought about just leaving and let her get what she deserves for being such an idiot, but I hate the rape tag so I can't do that.

I'm going to end this.