Ava
I know I'm sleeping but I can't really tell because of the commotion I can hear downstairs. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at the time. It's seven in the evening, I must've fallen asleep while crying. I noticed I was still in my bathrobe so I climbed out of bed immediately and changed. Derek will arrive soon from work, I have to prepare dinner before he gets here or I'll get another beating.
The noise of people talking became louder as I climb downstairs and to my surprise, my mother is here together with Derek's mom. What the hell are they doing here? I became increasingly nervous. I stopped for a while and composed myself. I know I can't hide forever. Hesitantly, I made my presence known.
I found them in the dining area. I cleared my throat and they all look at me "Oh, Ava, you're there! Come join us for dinner, we brought some." Mrs. Carlson smiled.
I nodded and sat with them, I am hungry, I haven't eaten anything all day. Derek, as usual, was busy on his phone as he eats silently. My mother looks at me like she didn't even know me and she mouthed we'll talk later. I ignored her and continued eating as I listen to Mrs. Carlson and my mother's story about their last out-of-the-country trip.
I kept smiling throughout dinner. I like Mrs. Carlson, but not enough so I can be fond of her. She was just like my mother. It's their idea to marry me to Derek and now I live in hell while they lavish on their acquired wealth.
"So, what are your plans for tomorrow?" Mrs. Carlson asked.
"Plans, what plans?" I asked.
She looked at her son "Derek, dear, you didn't tell her?" she asked.
"I was preoccupied," he said looking intently at me and not to his mother "We'll visit grandpa tomorrow," he said.
"Tomorrow? But, I have work tomorrow, I-"
"I'm sure it can wait." Mrs. Carlson cut me off and she looks at my mother who looked at me as well.
"Of course, it can wait." My mother smiled at me, daring me to talk against it.
I was about to say something else when Derek chimed "My grandfather is dying," he said.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," I whispered.
"Oh dear," Mrs. Carlson chuckled "Don't be, we all know father will die one way or another." her chuckle turned into a laugh and my mother joined her.
I felt bad for grandfather. I met him once, he is kind and genuine, unlike the rest of his family. I know they're happy he's dying because they can get what they all want after all. They just don't know how much it hurts to lose a loved one.
I almost died when my father lost me from cancer. I saw how he died, I held his hand throughout his fight and my mother wouldn't know that either because she wasn't there. She was never there.
"Having said that, he wants to see Derek and you, tomorrow. He'll be signing off the company to my son. We all know pop is very fond of you, Ava. Be there so his mood will light up as he signs his will." she said.
I look down at my plate. Again, I am being used for their selfish ambitions and I can't do anything about it. I just nodded. I was hoping my mother would tell me otherwise but I was hoping for nothing. More wealth for Carlsons means more connections for her.
Who am I anyway?
The dinner went well for them and not for me. I cleaned up and allowed the three of them to talk in the living room as I contemplate to myself. How will I get out of this mess? I've been asking myself this for years but I am always being prompted with the same answer. I know there's no way out. Not unless Derek lets me go, which clearly, he wouldn't, why would he let me go if he can have a wife, a maid, and a punching bag all at once?
"Hey!"
I was startled when I heard someone hiss behind me, I look around to see my mother "Are you going to help me clean the dishes?" I asked sarcastically.
"I would love to, but I just had my nails done," she replied.
"So I heard" I commented, remembering their story about spa this morning.
I looked at my aging mother, it can't be denied she's beautiful beyond her years. She has this miss universe beauty and charisma and I can't blame my father for liking her, I just hoped he wasn't stupid enough to marry her but obviously, he was, and now I am sharing the same fate as him, married to someone I didn't love.
"What happened to your face?" she asked.
I rolled my eyes and scoffed "Don't ask like you didn't know, mom. You do."
"Well, whatever the reason behind it, make sure to put makeup on it, you wouldn't want grandpa to see that."
"Yes, mother," I answered in a condescending tone.
"You'll eventually see that I'm doing this for you," she whispered.
I stopped what I'm doing and faced her "Mom, stop! Stop feeding me with nonsense. We both know you're doing it for yourself. We both know it's because of you why I'm here. Can you see my face? Look at me and tell me again you're doing this for me."
"Lower your voice, Ava." she hissed.
I continued cleaning up and ignored her completely. I hate her. I know it's not good, but I hate her so much. All the punches and slaps I get from Derek are because of her. Because she hasn't been a mother to me. And now that she's aware of the abuse I'm getting from her son-in-law, she just wants me to cover it up so it won't blow up to grandpa.
I am so tired of this facade. I'm so tired of people looking at me like everything is fine when I'm crumbling inside. I am so tired of this life I never chose for myself. How long do I have to suffer?
"Have you ever loved me or dad?" I asked her the question I was dying to know the answer to.
"Oh for Pete's sake, girl!"
"Answer me."
"You know nothing about love," she said.
"No, because I never had it. Never experience it. Not from you, anyway." I said matter of fact.
I saw in her face that I got under her nerves. I can see how much she wanted to slap me, there are three reasons why she resisted slapping me. One, it will be scandalous in front of Mrs. Carlson and Derek. Two, she can't afford to break her newly done nails. Three, she thinks I have gotten enough beating already. Or four, all of the above.
She balled her fist and walked away. I look at her as she makes long strides with her channel boots. Derek and I said goodbye to Mrs. Carlson and my mother after a while. We stare at their retreating car as it grew smaller in distance. For a while, we just stood there outside beside each other.
I exhaled deeply "I'll take a rest now, goodnight." I whispered.
Derek didn't answer me, I was hoping he won't. He seems to be in a good mood tonight so I took advantage of it and climbed up as fast as I could. I went inside my room and locked the door behind me.
I sat on my bed and breathed heavily. That was intense. I never knew I could talk back with my mother like that, well, she deserves it. For once, I felt liberated and I imagined what it would feel like if I talked back to Derek the same way. I wish I could.
Maybe he's right. I'm weak. And maybe I am partly at fault with the life I have now. Maybe because I wasn't strong or brave enough to fight back. Maybe it's the sole reason why he enjoys hurting me because he knows I won't stop him. I am so stupid. Why can't I be like other girls who get out of a bad relationship like nothing happened? Why can't I be like other girls who can slap their men with truth and can leave them hanging?
Maybe because I know, that whatever I do, I won't win. Carlson's are known for being powerful and crude. They have this desire to make people suffer, especially those who were under their power and influence. Don't get me wrong, I have tried getting out too. Once or twice I have tried talking back to him. I have also tried asking for help from the authority, and some of the people I know, but all those times. I have ended up going in circles and finding myself in his claws. I have tried running away and he found me, beat me like there's no tomorrow, and threatened to kill me if I try anything stupid again. So I didn't. So I stopped trying.