Reaching gymnastics door. I open the door. It still lunch time. So whole gym is empty. It's mean all are gone for the lunch. Lucky for me. I am happy for that. This is really great time to out all my frustration. And I am ready to do that.
I started to run in running machine. Thinking about all things. I thinking about my life. I thinking about James. I thinking about all about her. All my past come in front of me.
I missed her. I damn miss her. It's all my fault. I can. I could save her. It's all my fault. Why I give her to him. Why I can saw that how much he hurts her. How much she in pain. How much she sad. How much she angry. How much she cry about this. How much she tolerated him. She didn't even said to me for once. I am her sister. Why she didn't tell me her pain. How she carry all this. How she survive this. Its all because of me. If didn't tell me. Why can't I saw that. Why can't I asked that. Why can't I feel her pain.
How James accept me after all this happen to her. How can he loves me that he know that all are my fault. All this happens in because of me. How can he accepted me. Didn't said me to a word. Why can he look me like max looking at me in this morning full off hatreds. When he know that I killed his brother I saw how much he wanted to kill me to punish me. Why James didn't did like maxx did..
I missed her smile. Her laugh. How her eyes twinkle when she saw the chocolate cake. When James whenever made pancake how she run to the kitchen and eat like animals. And after our little fight for pancakes. How he played games. We both are love to each other. We both most of time with each other. How we both are prank with jammi. I missed her very much.
Don my running section I didn't know that I already crying. My eye's becomes blurry. I cry.. I cry in my heart. Its all my fault. My body is all shivering. I just can't control anymore.
" its not him.. its me.. I killed her." I said angrily and cry. I stop the machine. And fall out all machine. And cry. All frustration all anger. Everything I out like this.
After 10,20 minutes I don't know I site there. I stop crying. But still I am in deep thought. I thought about all this. How I killed innocent people. How he force me to do that. How he demanded to me do illegal think. How he blackmailed me.
I stop up on my feet and search boxing gloves. Were is gloves. I see they are in ring in opposite side. I run there. Grab it and wear it. I can't control myself can't control my anger. I just can't get out all this in my thoughts. My emotions. How much guilty I was. There is no one thay can understand me. No one is they can know me. To console me. I step in the ring. There is punching bag. I stood there and started to punch them. I punch hard. All straight all anger all frustration out in punching bag. Its hurts me but didn't care. I didn't stop. I don't wanted to stop. I keep punching give all straight all power I use it to punch on punching bag. In last I give my last hard in full straight in full power I punch that bag. And bag is all fall down. I latterly fall in the ground in louder voice.. thumpp.. Than sudden smile appears in my face. I don't know how that happened but I smile. And I started to laugh. I don't know what I am doing. What I am feeling. Fall in ground my laughter die and against tears appear. I feel mix emotion in my heart. I can't control that mix feeling. How is all happened. That I am blind that I didn't see other feeling. How I hurt them. How I kill them. They also have family like. I wanted to die. It's best that I finished myself.
Suddenly I heard someone come get up and out the ring and throw the boxing gloves in ground. And start working out. I don't wanted to know about this to anyone.
After doing my workout. People started coming in gym. Doing there regular workout. Some boys are come and talking about the boxing bag. Who broke by me. They see me that I am here but they didn't asked me about this. And also think that I can't broke this. Stupid them. And lucky for me.
Some More workout I feel life less. I dont have power to do more. So I got up. Drink my energy drink. Grab my bag and left the gym. I checked my phone any texts or calls. And yeaaa.. there is one text from ray. And 2 text from Janna. Well interesting. Maybe she finally in dorm and saw that I am come back.
Janna didn't know that I stay in max place. I already told her that I m going my town for take care of some my personal things. First she asked about what kind of things n all but after I ignore all these questions to give answers she didn't say to much. After she stop asking that questions.
She also informed me that Max tell her personally that take care about my all presents in there. She asked me about this. Why Max do that. I didn't give any answers about this. But I know today i have to face her. I have to give her some explanation.
Which one is to bad to explain that. I never lied to anything to anyone. But god....
Today's I will doing it. I don't know how can I do this but I have to do that. I am not good at lie or explain to other it's little hard for me to do.
Reaching my dorm. Open the door and I enter in room and lock the the door. And there is begin.
She's in necked searching her clothes to wear. I throw my bag in my bad and ready to go too the shower. She didn't said to me anything. She looked at me and still doing her work. So I didn't said to talk to her. I grab some t-shirt and jeans to wear. I am to lazy to doing that but all sweat I can't bear this so I have to go to bathroom and take cold shower to little bit relaxed myself.
After getting cold shower I get out of bathroom room lock the bathroom door. And jump in my bed. Ready to go to some sleep. But man I can't. Why.
" so.. long time how's you" Janna said to me. I already closed my eye's but seems like I have to chat with her little. If I dont she will going to asked me again and again so I have to tell her now so it's better for me.
" yeaa... long time.. I am fine.. how about you" I said to her with fake smile. I know she notice that fake smile and smirk at me.
" As always good." She said with fake laugh.
" care to tell me were have you binge" she said in serious tone. Straight forward. Hmmm.
"hmmm..I... already told you I gone to my hometown for take care of personal stuff" I said to her in dud tone. I hate that to explain to people. Why they are to interested in my life. Its nothing exciting like they have.
" yeaa.. like I believe you." She rise her voice. " what you are hiding miss ava rose" she said and almost got up to her bed stood in front of my bed. What the... that's now.
" I have nothing to hide.. why you think that..." I said and get up as well but I didn't stood up I site my bed. She site beside me. Close her eyes thinking about something and after she started.
" yess you are hiding something.. when I said some mans are asking about you they have gun in there pocket so damn I am scared the hell out it. after that you just gone. And after week you come back and just time that nothing happened dont lied me Ava. I am worried" she said me very clam voice. And little bit worried. I know its not normal that unknown man come and asked about me.. And they are not normal people they they are dangerous. I don't wanted to get scared about this.
" listen.. dont scared Janna don't worried about me. Nothing happened. And about that mans. They are friend's of my bother. They worked together. My brother told them that I got admission in here so they are here to give wishes and blessings. And dont worry they always act like that. There is nothing to be scared okky.. relax" I said to her more than assured her.. And give her real smile to trust me. That I whatever said to her that all are true. And I think she understands and give me smile back. And nodded. Thank god she finally understand. I feel relaxed little after taking her. To make things clear. But inside I feel guilt that I lied but I don't have other options. I have to do that. I don't what she get hurt because of me. Maybe I did right think or maybe be I don't know.