Lucy stared into the eyes of the man she loved. The expression on his face was dead, but his eyes - they lied.
"You don't mean that," her voice trembled. She was in unknown territory right now. Aiven has never been like this with her, not in all of their years trying to be together.
"I do, Lucy. I'm sorry, but we simply can't continue with the way things are right now," his voice was tired. Whether he meant it or not didn't matter. He was no longer wearing his emotions on his sleeve around Lucy. "I want to do good by Shira. She's been through so much already, and what I put her through simply adds more stress."
"We can leave them. They won't mind. We can star anew and you know that," she was shaking. Normally, he would reach out to hug and hold her, but this time around all he did was pull further and further away. He didn't want to be around her. He didn't want to look at her face or talk to her. Lucy felt a sharp stab in her heart. "Please, Aiven."
He simply shook his head, unable to answer. She reached out to him but he stepped away. Lucy felt her cheeks flush as tears finally started rolling down. She couldn't hold the emotions inside.
"I...I don't know what I will do without you in my life. I've always loved you, truly and deeply and I...I messed up. Please. Let's try anew," she was pathetic. Begging, nagging him to stay with her despite all the things she put him through. Despite all the walls they put up for each other. Inside, nothing but turmoil, never ending chaos. Why? Why had she made the choice she made? Why did she turn the man she loved away in favor of security and safety?
"You've made your choice, Lucy. A long time ago. So have I," he spoke so coldly, without looking at her. When he finally did look at her, his eyes were filled with nothing but coldness. Deafness to her pleas. "We have to live with consequences now."
Her world shattered then and there. Irreparable. Whole, no more. Nothing after those words will ever be the same.
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Adelaide looked at Hector again, journals in her hands, tears in her eyes and many thoughts on her mind. She flew by all of them, the whole story. Her mother's honest, raw writing was far better than any movie she had ever come up with.
"I can't believe you lied," that was all he had to say. Really? Adelaide sat down, firmly placing her hands on the notebooks in front of her.
"Hector," she spoke extremely softly. "I'm sorry." There was a pause in between. She had to think of the right words to say to make him believe her. "I didn't want you to know because I know what you would say about me reading these."
"You should have never read them."
"Then I would have never found out the truth," she spoke even quieter, as if what she was saying was a complete lie. She was ashamed, yes. Ashamed of what her mother had done for all those years and ashamed that her theories about her parentage had been true. "I had to know. I simply had to."
"Why?" The question was simple enough but it landed on the table with the heaviness of thousand metals, clashing together on a hard iron chest.
"Because she's my mother, Hector. I remember so little about how she looked or what she was like, I wanted to know. I didn't expect deep secrets imbedded in these pages," she sighed. Of course, that was a lie. A lot of the things she found were just confirmations of what she already had thoughts about. That was probably the saddest part. She knew that some of what her father told her were lies, but she never knew to what extent. She was an adult now, why was it so hard for him to tell her the truth?
Hector leaned back in his chair, also lost in thought. Adelaide could tell that he was conflicted. He wanted to believe her but he knew that she never did things for no reason.
"What now?" He asked, flatly. His word were important but not to him.
"I want to publish them. I want to analyze them. I want to be able to talk about them in my lectures," that was true, of course. But she also hoped that Benjamin and Shira would also add their parts to the story. She hoped, in some deep corner of her heart, that she would finally know what happened between the four of them all those years ago.
"What about Ben and Shira?" Once again, her fiancé read her mind. Sometimes Hector was surprisingly insightful and non-judgmental about her life. And sometimes, he was an outright asshole about everything she had ever done. In a way, she speculated that it came from indecision. The one they bought have wrestled with for the past six months.
"I hope they can add their parts of the story," she told him, truthfully.
"And what if they refuse?"
Ah, here it was. Doubt. Even though he was sweet and supporting, at times, he was doubtful about her choices. Especially when they didn't align with his. Morally speaking, this would dig into the lives of people who wanted to be left alone. Adelaide knew that much. But she also knew that they owed her.
"Then I won't pry it off of them," she said, emotionless. That much was true. She wanted to know the whole story even before she got her mother's journals, but she knew that she could not pry it out of the hands of her father or Aiven's wife. They were a whole different story that she didn't think she would ever uncover, unless her dead mother arose right now to hold them responsible.
"Really?" His eyebrow arched, questioning. For some reason Hector didn't believe her. Adelaide wasn't offended: he had good reason to suspect she had ulterior motives even if she didn't. She just wished that sometimes - just sometimes - her future husband would be more lenient towards her.
"Really," she confirmed, reaching to him and placing her hands on his hands, squeezing them tightly in her grip. "I promise I won't bother them, unless they also want to speak."
Hector sighed. He finally believed her enough to also reciprocate in her grip.
"Be careful. People view past with a very delicate heart," he wanted her, taking her hands and gently kissing them. "I don't want you to be in any danger, ever."
"I won't," she assured him but a part of her was not sure.
She was digging in a very complicated, very messy story of four people who could not live with their emotions. What if she came upon something she didn't want to know?