Lucy wanted to smoke. She hadn't in years now but her hands were itching for a cigarette more than ever. Across her, on the couch, Ben sat motionlessly, reading some stupid book in his hands. She was angry. No, she was beyond angry with him. How could he sit there, so calm, when she wanted the world around her to explode?
He must have noticed that she was tapping her foot nervously because he lifted his face off the book to look at her. Some years ago she would have found that face very attractive. He had great facial structure. Good hair too, but she didn't notice until later in life. Until it was too late.
"What?" He asked her so flatly, coldly. He must have hated her. He must have despised her. The look in his eyes betrayed just a hint of disdain but it was enough for Lucy to draw multiple conclusions.
"How are you so calm?" She blurted, unaware of her own ridiculous response. He didn't care! That's why he must have behaved as if nothing was going on at all.
"Calm about what?" He began reading his book again, paying her little to no mind. Lucy became furious. In that moment, she wished he would die right then and there. She didn't need him to sit here and judge her, and worst of all, she knew she didn't deserve what he was doing to her.
"You know," she peeped. So quiet her barely even noticed her responded. All he did was shook his head in disagreement and continued to ignore her. Eventually, Lucy couldn't take it anymore. She marched right in front of him, ripped the book out of his hands and made him look her right in the eyes.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You know why I'm upset, you know what's going on so why are you bullshitting me? What's the charade for?" She could feel her cheeks flush and her whole face burn. He must have noticed it too, but Ben was always good at controlling his emotions. He laughed in her face.
"My dear, you're the one who's playing charades. If you want something in life, you have to take it," he ripped the book from her hands by force, standing up and towering over her. Now she was the one being cornered. Powerless. "You have no control over me, you have no say in what happens about 'you know what'," he mocked her, endlessly. "So don't come home upset and pouting. It was bound to occur and it did at a perfect time. You're running out of good ideas anyway," he sighed turning his back to her.
Lucy slumped on the couch, her eyes wide with unexplainable gaze. How could she have ever married him? How did she ever fall in love with this cold, dead man?
He turned to her one last time.
"Oh, by the way," a smirk appeared on Benjamin's face. "Good luck job hunting, sweetheart." With that he walked out of the room, crushing all hopes about the future that Lucy could ever have.
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Benjamin was sitting in traffic when he received a text message from his daughter. It read simply but it stung him effortlessly: 'I found them'. He instantly knew she was talking about Lucy's journals.
He tapped on the wheel, unable to calm his thoughts. He was en-route to Shira, so as soon as he could get there, the sooner they could talk about what they are going to say and do, especially because neither one of them had any control over what was in the journals.
Was there any useful information in there, anyways? He never bothered to read them. Maybe he was a fool for that, but he didn't want to go digging in the past, especially when it was this tainted. Part of him knew that sooner or later Adelaide would go looking for them. He just hoped that it happened after he passed and didn't have to deal with the fall-out of the microanalysis of his ex-wife's life.
The car turned into a driveway of a modest apartment building. After Aiven passed Shira moved out of their home. It was like it happened yesterday, even if it was years. Grief is a strange thing. It follows you everywhere you go and appears in most unexpected places. He sighed, sitting in car for just a second before exiting and making his way to her door.
Shira was a small, middle-aged woman. She had black, curly hair which she almost always held in a bun and green, emerald-like eyes in the shapes of almonds. She was always pleasant and kind, perhaps too good for her own sake. The moment he met her, Ben felt like he needed to protect her. He wasn't sure from what, he just thought it was best he keeps and eye on her.
"I made dinner. Would you like some?" Her voice was so soft and silky. Of course, she made dinner. He didn't ask but she always treated him like more than a friend, especially since Aiven passed. They had grown close, but not too much. Sometimes, Benjamin thought it wasn't enough.
"That would be lovely, thank you," he began taking off his shoes and she moved back to the kitchen. He could smell the appetizing smells in her apartment. She was an amazing cook, and was always so underappreciated.
He followed her, wishing he could hug her as she hovered over pots and pants, humming to herself silently.
"So, this was sudden. What's the matter?" Shira asked, very matter-o-fact, but he could tell she was worried. He would come to visit her, but he would let her know at least a week or so in advance. They were both busy people. This was a same-day visit neither expected.
"Adelaide found Lucy's journals. She wants to publish them," His words were also emotionless, but he was beyond stressed. What if Lucy wrote her speculations in those journals, not just her side of story?
Shira stopped stirring with the spoon before lifting her head to look at Benjamin. She wanted to deny it, but based on his look, it must have been the truth. She released a small sigh.
"It was bound to happen, right?"
"Yes, but not so soon. I thought she will at least wait until we had passed," he exhaled, following her relaxing voice.
"Well, whatever happens, we will deal with consequences. There were plenty rumors going on when Lucy and Aiven were around, so it must have been hard for her to figure out which were true and which were not," she remarked, very simply. Ben would have agreed, if he didn't know what she was talking about. "Even if there's something substantial in those journals, the events took place nearly twenty years ago. There's no tangible proof."
He could agree with that. Even if Lucy speculated, she never announced that she knew who was pushing her out of her own company and why. She always seemed naïve, lost in her emotions for Aiven. Benjamin sat down on a bar stool, close to where Shira was working on dinner.
"You're right. I must have over-exerted myself today. I rushed here thinking we need to come up with a gracious exit plan," he explained himself.
"Don't worry, Ben. No one will come after us. We're just two hopeless widowers. We don't matter," her smile relaxed him even more and her gentle touch on his hand made his heart flutter.
The past is in the past. There is no way it could resurface now with much evidence, right?