November
With Nymphadora dead all the eldest of clan Dominus were deranged, power hungry, or simply too stupid to deal with the new issues at hand that Asher had created in his attempt to impress his deceased mother.
The only ones who were free from his madness were Carlos and Gabriel, from their accidental curse they had placed on themselves, binding themselves to each other. Savannah as well, the reason still unknown to her, but she was happy she didn't have the constant 24/7 infomercial vampire channel in her head and didn't question it.
Carlos and Gabriel had gained a new roommate, Savannah, and they returned to New Springfield, with nowhere else to go, and almost all their leads exhausted. Ripping a man's mouth off wouldn't make them welcome back at Chiusi and it put targets on their backs as well.
In the detached four-bedroom, three-bath blue family home, in a quiet little suburb of New Springfield, three vampires lived together, absolutely bored out of their minds. Asher's return had miraculously cured their little "sleep" problem, but now that Gabriel was awake all day, and couldn't leave the house during it, he and Savannah had nothing to do.
With nothing else to do, they filled their time with research on a cure around the clock, specifically, using very old internet websites with flashing gifs that were time capsules to an era long forgotten.
Gabriel was inside Savannah's room, and he didn't like her room because it was somehow filthy and clean at the same time. She believed that as long the floor was visible it was technically clean. She took all her books, most of them on various historical and biological subjects, and crammed them into corners of the room, onto the desk, a bed they never needed and an overstuffed bookcase.
The house, stolen years ago by one of the members of the family still had furniture left over from the past owners, and whoever was the previous owner of this room really liked stars. Little glow in the dark stars were on the ceiling, flashing neon green at night. All the planets of the solar system, and the Sun, were painted in a circular formation around the room, and Savannah fell in love immediately, completely in her element.
Gabriel sat on the side of the bed, and Savannah next to him, and they had become very close the past four months in their quest to find a cure. Gabriel liked it because it helped him not think about Carlos.
His thoughts weren't friendly.
They weren't sexual.
At first, Gabriel thought they might be, when the other day he saw Carlos's exposed neck, bare and open, because he was asking to be stared at like that, wearing a V-neck shirt. You could see his hairy legs whenever he wore cargo shorts, and his ankles, even though they lacked fat, had plenty of flesh, muscular and strong, so out there for everyone to see.
Slut.
For the past five days it was all Gabriel could think about. How the flesh would sound, the slow ripping of the tendons when he tore it out. How would he tear it out? Would it be by his mouth? So personal.
So nice.
So wet.
Or with his fingers, digging into the side of Carlos's neck?
Which side?
Should he lick the neck first or-
"Gabriel are you okay," Savannah asked.
Gabriel returned to the present, gripping the silver laptop, and blinked rapidly, his daytime fantasy ended abruptly. He scratched his left farm and assured Savannah that he was okay, but she didn't believe him.
Savannah caressed the back of his neck and told him that he could talk to her about anything, at any time, and Gabriel was afraid that she wanted to tear his neck out as well. Then he remembered that he was the strange one, and he blushed, because it was obvious, she was flirting with him.
She placed her hand on his thigh and Gabriel's face went crimson, unprepared, and worried that he was not ready for the possible act of intimacy that she wanted.
"I think we should slow down," Gabriel mumbled.
"Are you nervous? It's okay if you are," Savannah replied.
"No. Why would I be?"
Savannah placed his laptop on the bed, and Gabriel was fine with that, because he wanted to kiss her, and hold her, because he loved every bit of her. She used a brand of chapstick that smelled like watermelons, that he also loved, and he had no idea what Savannah did with her hair, but it was that thing that women did to always make it smell so nice.
He kissed her in the dimly lit room, under the glowing stars, and he held her hand, because for him it was an intimate and special thing to hold someone else's hand. The same part of your body that you used to care for yourself to eat, shower and brush your hair, expressions of self-love.
Gabriel felt it was intimate because someone's hands could be used to care for another.
Soft wet kisses, tinted-red faces, and a bit of fumbling around made him nervous. Savannah was more experienced than he, and after a few times, he let her kiss him, and he moaned whenever she moved her tongue inside his mouth, rubbing the roof of it and making his hands sweat.
Gabriel pulled away and told her it was enough.
"We shouldn't get carried away," he mumbled.
"I know you don't want to do stuff because you're religious. I get that, but I kind of what to at least do something, " Savannah replied.
She took his hand again and for Gabriel that was like third base.
"I mean yeah, it kind of has to do with it, but I'm not interested," he admitted.
Savannah was confused, because she knew that he was interested in her. He had asked her out, and late at night they would go out together. He kissed her first. Gabriel would tell her things frequently whenever they were alone that most people would talk about in public because he was such a private person, but she knew for him it was a big deal.
He even shared food with her.
"Do you not like me anymore," Savannah asked.
"No," Gabriel exclaimed. "I like you a lot! I don't want you thinking that!"
"Well sir, you don't have to be so forward about it, " she said, giggling and squeezing his hand tighter, causing him to turn away because he was embarrassed by the sudden profession of infatuation.
"I just don't want to do these things with you," Gabriel said. He was still facing the wall, and staring at Venus, painted on the closed door, and he knew that she was hurt because his hand was now missing hers, the puzzle now incomplete.
"How could you say that you like me but not want to be intimate Gabriel," Savannah asked. "Is there something else you're not telling me?"
Gabriel turned to look at her and groaned, bracing himself for the same question he was always asked when he tried to be honest.
"Are you gay?"
" I am not gay, Savannah. "
" Are you sure? Really?"
Gabriel grimaced, and huffed and puffed, and he told himself, just be a little more open, because I really like her, and maybe she'll understand.
"I mean, I don't really think about… if someone's a man or a woman," he admitted. "I just like them." He rubbed the back of his neck in a bad attempt to calm himself and averted his gaze to the many strewn books on the bed and stared at the cover of Grey's Anatomy.
"Okay," Savannah sighed. "That's fine. I get that. Lots of people are like that."
"So, you understand," Gabriel asked.
"I get it. You're shy, or you want to be more serious about-"
"Savannah, no ! I don't want to have sex …That's just all it is. I care about you."
He got up from the bed, and picked up his laptop and he stopped, because she was crying red hot red tears, and stomach churned. He couldn't hold her soft hands or kiss her fruit scented lips and make everything he said go away, and she was mortified, humiliated, and angry.
" Why are you being so mean," she whispered.
"I'm not-"
"Why would you say this!? You could just break up with me," she cried.
"I, it's not you. It's me," Gabriel replied. Immediately when the words came out of his mouth, he knew they were the worst words he could say in the moment, and she cried harder, and turned away so he wouldn't see her face, ashamed that she had been led on by such a womanizer.
"Savannah, I just don't want to have sex at all, with anyone," Gabriel said. "I don't think I would like it."
Savannah wiped her tears away, and placed her hands in her lap, staring at them, unable to process such a strange revelation.
"You're like, you're serious," Savannah asked. "Have you even had sex?"
"No, but I-"
"So how can you know if you've never done it, " she insisted. "That's impossible!"
"I mean...I'm not afraid, it's just… I don't think I should, I don't think it's gross, it's natural, but I don't think it's right for me."
Savannah stood up from the bed, and sighed, shaking her head, and was still angry, she knew he was lying to her, there was no other answer. He was in the closet, or he didn't like her and was trying to come up with an excuse to spare her feelings.
"Gabriel, I'm not going to force you to do it with me, but I don't like being lied to," Savannah said. "I thought you were better than that."
"No, please-"
"Gabriel, even if it's true, which it can't be, I have needs, " Savannah said. She was now the one to be uncomfortable, declaring that she wanted to create the beast of two backs. "I like doing it a lot, actually," she mumbled.
Gabriel looked at the floor because he did not want to hear that.
"I'm sorry," Gabriel pleaded. "I think that maybe there's something wrong with me. I don't know what it is."
He wanted to keep her badly. So badly. He didn't want another partner to think he was mean, or lying, or coming up with excuses.
"Just, give me some space," Savannah sighed. "Please. "
He left her room, and closed the door, devastated, because he only wanted her. Never had he met someone so smart, but never thought themselves above others. Someone so kind, and sometimes shy, but after a while she would blossom, and he wanted to always be with her, to always see the slight curve of her smile.
Carlos was not home, so he stewed in his misery on the couch, the still torn up couch they never bothered to replace, and Gabriel sat there, in silence, tearing at it again, until nightfall, and he left the house.
His nighttime walks were usually long, but this one was very short, because he just needed some time to convince himself that it was okay. Everything was fine. Nothing was wrong when he returned home, and Carlos had not returned yet.
He went upstairs to Savannah's room, and he opened the door without knocking. She was angry, how dare he, wasn't all he said earlier enough! He had rehearsed the words many times, as he apologized, and she forgave him, but there was nothing to forgive.
Gabriel marveled at how wonderful she was as he was inside of her.
He held her hand while they had sex on the floor, the only clean spot in her room, and Gabriel was conflicted because it felt good, and she was enjoying it, but he didn't think much of it.
With her legs locked around his hips, he was more concerned about his next meal, and every once in a while, he would come back to the moment, moving inside of her faster, because she would notice if he wasn't interested, because he wasn't, and he never would be.
He gripped onto her hand tighter, as he finished, breathing hard into her neck, and he was so confused when she told him that she wanted more, because they had already done it once, why do it again?
Gabriel couldn't get erect again that fast anyway, so they kissed, and she was happy, and he was hollow. Gabriel didn't understand why he didn't feel better, why he was worse.
He took the longest shower of his life, around two hours and seventeen minutes, trying to wash the shame down the drain, wipe it off with the soft towels, but it was still there, inside, a small seed planted inside of him.
There were no drugs to escape his shame this time.
No way to sleep to have a time that nothing hurt, that solace taken from his as well.
He had sex with her daily, because they must have done something wrong, or he was wrong, or maybe he was meant to be with someone else, so if he tried harder he knew he could fix whatever was wrong with him.
There was nothing to fix.