I could hear her. hear her movements in the kitchen and how she was in a therapeutic mood. The softness of her humming was delicate to my ears as she moved around and busied herself.
You would swear that she loved this more than anything else, it wasn't hard to see it. so when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I preferred to just watch her and not interrupt her free therapy.
She glowed this morning, glowed brighter than the greeting of the sun and I began to become fond of this kind greeting. Ever been woken up by the sun? Or by the its rays or by the little heat created by it.
The blinds, which consisted of your eyelids being the only source chasing away the reality and allowing you to set a stage for your dreams and nightmares. Your imagination could be the most creative at that moment.
Your biggest hopes, desires, and wishes could help you wake up in a great mood. Your nightmares could make you feel at your lowest. Then if there's nothing but void and emptiness… you feel alone.
I woke up that way but now that I watched my mom, smile and hum to the music playing on her earphones. It helped ease the ache in my heart and the confusion in my mind. the time when I needed my heart the most…
This bitch kept quiet.
"Oh shit!" I heard, snapping out of my gaze I watched my mother look shocked to see me. She placed her hand on her chest as if trying to ease her heart not to jump out of her chest.
I think it helped, there wasn't any blood on the floor.
"If you're trying to tell your heart to jump out your chest, it's not working very well mother." I greeted as I walked into the kitchen.
"You are not funny, you scared me." she said giving me a look, "How long were you even standing there?"
"Probably five minutes give or take."
"Why didn't you say anything?" she asked as she placed her earphones on the table, pulling out a seat so that she could sit.
"Because if I was in the mood that you are in, I definitely would not have loved to be disturbed." I said, taking a seat across her as I began to scan her.
Happy aura
Slightly tainted cheeks
Smells good
Bit of makeup applied
The bell sound went off and I quickly turned to the oven. I heard her get up from her chair and quickly hurry to the oven. The smell of blueberry and chocolate muffins filled the room accompanied by a happy sigh from my mother.
She's baking?
"Finally! I've been waiting for them to be ready and now that they are, I am satisfied and happy." she gushed.
Pulling out the muffins with the oven mitts, she placed them on the board set on the table and began to take them out and place them on a clean kitchen tissue, letting them cool off but I knew that the smell would make everyone hungry in a matter of seconds.
In fact, I knew that that very same smell would wake James up from his nap, which I wasn't ready for. This morning I had woken up in a position that I hadn't been in since my last relationship. James was spooning me and my body had automatically allowed it.
It's been a while since you were touched by a man.
And it will be a while before I let one touch me like that again, amen.
What about James…
Negotiable.
Denial.
Internally groaning I truly wondered about this mess that we had gotten ourselves into. How was it possible that I was starting to fall for my best friend. Yes, he was everything everyone wanted and desired.
It could work, I really think it could but all I knew was that loving him in that way would damage the both of us and I was not ready to even get into that situation. I hated changing the status I had given to people.
It was too much admin. Too much trouble. Too much hassle. It's not like changing the relationship status post on Facpebook, this was the mind and it happens to everyone differently.
For instance, believing that all bad girls can easily become good girls in a snap of a figure. Or in this case, trying to change a bad boy into a loyal man. The mind needs too much convincing and proof, yet sometimes when you've provided everything it still doesn't believe you.
It's not like I couldn't see what was happening between me and James, it was the fact that I was deliberately trying to turn a blind eye to this. If I loved him and he loved me, we would be everything the living wanted.
He wouldn't be beaten by his father anymore for who he loved, I would get more death threats and all those fan accounts would become real in a matter of seconds but I knew the truth.
The truth was he was trying to convince himself to be something he wasn't, that way he could seem normal in the eyes of the public. In the eyes of his family and just maybe to himself.
It's like trying to convince a mermaid that all they had to do was get out of the water and they would have legs, just like humans. This isn't the Disney mermaid movie.
I wanted to convince my friend, that we were good seeing each other as pillows that could absorb each other's tears easily and without judgement. Now it seemed like I had to first convince myself that James was not a boy I wanted to do the nasty with.
He's not even into vagina, even so, why has this become a freaking thought. If I was a man that boy would have might as well changed my lane to his distination.
Oh, wait I've been teasing you all about that huh?
Congratualtions now you all know.
Do me a favor will ya? Help me out of this mess.