The assembly was held every decade, but this time it held great importance because every grandmaster there was going to announce the successor to their respective sects. Everyone in Red Hills has an inkling to who shizun was going to nominate, the only disciple who was worthy enough could be no one else but Eldest senior brother Jin.
So that's why it came to a surprise even to me and to second shixiong as well I suspect by the looks on his face when it was our shizun's turn to pick, he spoke in a light manner, the word rolling off his tongue like water streaming down the river, "I choose my second disciple, Wei Shen".
Second shixiong was held in high esteem in the sect and by no means undeserving, in fact, if Jin shixiong wasn't around no one would doubt that second was a good choice for a leader, he was kind when needed but merciless when necessary. However Jin shixiong was around and compared to the perfect first shixiong, second did fall short in terms of cultivation abilities. Not to say that he wasn't powerful but Jin shixiong was a once in a century genius who broke through the Core Formation stage at only ten years old.
Turns out it was a surprise to everyone because the whole room broke out in noisy drones at the declaration. Some even look to shizun to see if he had made a mistake and had just a misspoken but grew disappointed when they saw how unfazed shizun was. Shizun took a sip of tea from his jade cup. "I have made up my mind. This matter is final."
I sneaked a peek at Jin shixiong's face, at first glance it was easy to interpret his expression as being nonchalant or uncaring but if you know shixiong as I do, you can tell the from the change in his stance, his folded arms, the perched lips, and most importantly what gave it away were his ashen eyes that used to be clear like jade marbles - a telltale that he was perturbed.
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That night shizun summoned me to his study. He was writing something again, I wonder sometimes if being the grandmaster of a sect requires so much writing because that's all I've seen shizun do most of the times when he's not in seclusion or training the shixiongs. I saluted shizun curtly.
"Come, taste some peaches." Shizun was so accommodating this time I was partly afraid if he somehow found out about the potatoes swimming in his koi pond, but when I took a bite out of a peach that tasted uncannily similar to second shixiong's own and seconds passed by without me being poisoned, I knew fourth shixiong hadn't snitched on me.
Shizun at last put his brush down. "Give this to your eldest shixiong when you see him." He handed me the piece of paper he just wrote on and folded in a silk envelope.
I thought that was all that shizun wanted from me when he spoke no more but I took three steps back before shizun's voice interrupted me. "How is your zither lessons progressing Ling?"
I regretted not bolting out that door as soon as I got my hands on the envelope. The zither lessons hadn't gone anywhere, fifth shixiong had given up on me the moment my finger strung the first string. Fifth said that any tune I play could have an entire demon clan bleed through their ears, I thought he was complimenting me, he said he wasn't. Fifth gave up soon enough, that and I bribed him with books banned even from the outside, free of charge, and he'd even get to have the first pick out of the lot every time I come back from hunting.
My playing was atrocious (so every other shixiongs had told me) and I saw how even the mighty shizun hair rose with every strum but oddly enough shizun had said nothing until one particular note came out so crooked that I saw a bird outside the window become so disoriented that it crashed into the wall next to it, that's when shizun moved to sit at my side and I thought for sure that he was going to smash my head into the zither just like how that bird did to the wall. But he hadn't and instead he pinched a few strings with his fingertips and said to me, "Play." Shizun was shizun for a reason; he was even good at teaching the zither.
I came to my kitchen duty refreshed, something that hadn't happen ever when I step foot here. But then I saw fifth shixiong unhappily peeling potatoes at the side and I was even more refreshed that shizun had sent someone to accompany me.
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Nights during late autumns were cold and by the windowsill where I sat, I saw how the eagle-shaped clouds moved away from the moon in flocks, away from its lights. I stared at the moon which was at its peak without anything in particular running through my mind. Beautiful things should be appreciated though they are fleeting when young otherwise when one grows old and blind you'll die in regrets. Or maybe it's because they are fleeting.
Not a quarter of an incense stick later, the clouds once again shrouded the moon from view.
I moved to shut the window. A pair of pale hands however grasped the hay covers before I could pull it close and forced it to remain open. Instinctively my legs flew ninety degrees to land a flying kick at the intruder but failed midway when it was caught in a tight grip, the sudden move nearly making me lose balance.
"Shidi, this habit of yours to kick before seeing the person is really bad" I made another move to hand chop his shoulders this time because I know this haughty way of speaking could only come from Jin shixiong.
He made a 'tsk' sound and moved to dodge the manoeuvre and pushed away the leg in his hold. "This undisciplined shidi of mine not only does not salute when he sees his senior but turn violent instead. Where in the world would you find such a rude shidi?"
I really want to kick this shixiong and stomp him to death. Not to mention the matter of the koi fish, who knew his guilt was so short-lived that he'd come to visit this overworked shidi in the middle of the night without invite or notice. Does shixiong think my door is for decoration only that he has to enter through the window?
Not only does he trespass, but he's also treating the master of the room like the servant from his villa as well. "Serve tea." My heart was aggrieved but my feet toiled to the kitchen to boil the water and fetch the tea leaves anyway."
When I came back carrying the tea tray I saw a half-lidded eyed shixiong resting comfortably on the sill, in fact, shixiong looked so comfortable that I thought I had walked into his room instead of my own. Shixiong's body slouched in a manner he would never allow himself to be seen even by the other sect disciples, one of his arms draped over a bent knee and he looked as if he was deep in thought.
If I sell a painting of this scenery, of the unguarded shixiong in his night robes admiring the moonlight, exuding the aura of a sexy protagonist in one of those secret rendezvous plays to the sect sisters, the jars of ingots could be lined up from shizun's entrance door all the way to the foothold of the mountain. The beauty and the full moon, which one isn't worth admiring?
The tray hit the table and shixiong spoke, "shidi do you think life is predestined?"
The question made me stilled, not because of the insinuation but because I'd thought he'd ask this sooner when we were in the peach blossoms field maybe, but not now after so long.
I grabbed the blank book under the pillows and wrote a few strokes on it. "Yes."
I sensed the forcedness in shixiong's giggle. "Why?" he croaked.
Why what? Why shixiong in this dead of night look for the mute shidi and not for other disciples who are more eager to have him speak even a word to them, shixiong this great ancestor? Why only when I stand side by side with shixiong do I look like mashed cabbage rather than human? Why does shizun's hair always smell like almonds? Why does the sun not rise from the west but from the south? Why must fishes live in the waters and not the ground? Why must all humans die and not live past their old age?
I don't know.
"Why am I born like this?" I don't know the answer to that either.
"Why must I pick a side when both are a part of me?" He searched for something in my eyes. "Shidi, tell me. What should I do?"
No matter how much of a lazy thinker I am I know well that I can't not know this question. The answer was too important to shixiong, too delicate of a topic for me to brush this off carelessly like how I typically would. But just because I have innumerable of questions I can ask, doesn't mean I know the answer to every one of them.
"Sleep," I wrote. Shixiong's eyes shrank emitting a dangerous glint.
"Are you taking me for a fool shidi?" I really wasn't. I was being dead serious, shixiong looked as if he's been overwhelmed into overthinking and his thoughts had led him to a dead-end where he only sees a black tunnel with no way out. Sleep can help clear the mind.
I wanted to explain, in longer words but shixiong beat me to it. In one fast motion he had held me by the collar, veins had popped up from his hands from how tight he was gripping. I know old habits die hard.
"Shidi do you really not know why I came here to look for you? I thought you'd be the one to understand." I did understand, to some extent, of his pains, his insecurities, but I can't fix humans. I can't tinker them like how I would a broken toy.
I think I was shivering. This was nostalgic, the feel of cold fingers putting pressure on the veins of my neck, an episode passed by in my head of something similar that happened in the past.
It was a grip that pauses the rhythm that pushes blood through.