Just looking at my old stories and cringing. Somehow, they're very bad but I can't help but finish the story or want more when I read them. It's funny. Anyway, I came here to get information about my universe lore. I'm now 19 and a bum in my mom's house because getting a job is very tedious. Not only that, I dislike going outside because I have crippling anxiety and fear people. Nothing good comes from humanity in my mind. My trauma is also holding me back, but I ignore it either way. I do wonder why I'm still alive today. Some people say it's because I'm strong. What's the point of being strong if all I feel is hurt?
My internal organs feel like crap right now, especially my kidneys and liver. My head hurts a lot too. This has been going on for more than a week now. I might die. I hope I do. I don't want to live life "to the fullest". I want to give up, no matter what my friends and family say. My mom says it's selfish to want to die because I'll be leaving precious people behind. It makes me cry just thinking about it, but I don't want to feel this pain anymore.
Therapy didn't work. Pills didn't work. Just going outside and having friends didn't work. Nothing is working. I want to give up, but I just won't. I hope to find peace one day. Through life or death. It doesn't matter. I want to feel alive again without drinking alcohol or taking drugs. Not only because it's bad for my already deteriorating health, but because I simply don't want to. My friends and mother tried to convince me to smoke weed or have a little alcohol, but I don't even have the money for it.
My family is in poverty and I can't even help them because I'm a loser sitting in bed playing Overwatch 2 and Roblox. I play other games of course, but they're the ones with the most hours. I want to give up. I really do. I bring nothing but disappointment to my family just because I'm lazy and scared, and can't help it at all. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hate myself so much. I'm not too sure why you read this far. I don't need help. I just need to rest in peace. Because there's nothing else I can do.
Until next time.