I widened my eyes as I felt my stomach drop, time seemingly coming to a complete halt. I tried to tell myself I had misheard that, but Nia was looking at me as if expecting me to answer. She knows… How the fuck does she know?
"What?" Was all I could muster to say. Nia rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you heard right. And don't try and lie about it, because I know."
I could feel my hands slightly trembling as I gulped the saliva in my throat, closing my eyes. There's no point in trying to lie about it at this point… "How did you find out?" I calmly asked.
She scoffed. "Wow, you're not even gonna try to deny it either? Jesus Christ, Cody." She turned away from me and shook her head. "Yesterday while you were out with your friends, my dad called me and asked if I could come down and help him with some computer trouble that he was having. So of course, I get ready and head down there and help him out, and I told him I would need another device to look some stuff up on while I try and fix his laptop. I forgot my phone in my car and told him I'd go get it, but he pulls out his phone and unlocks it before giving it to me, telling me that I can just use his. While I'm looking on a forum for a solution to the problem, guess who messages him?"
I sighed deeply, already knowing the answer. "All I saw in the message preview was you calling him 'Daddy' or some shit, so my confused self goes into the messages and what do I see? You spreading your ass on camera and sending lewd videos to my fucking dad!" She laughed sadly. "I was trying to tell myself that maybe this was maybe just a one-time thing or something, but as I scrolled up in the message log… So many 'I love you's and dirty pictures exchanged between you and my dad… I couldn't fucking believe it. I still can't!"
"Nia…"
"My dad must have seen my expression, because he asked me what was wrong and I could only shake my head with a smile and tell him everything was fine. I couldn't even look him in the eye after that." She took a deep breath before she looked at me with a solemn expression. "So you and my dad, it's been going on for… How long?" She asked me.
I went quiet for a moment. "Since the summer," I shamefully said in a quiet voice.
"So… Ever since I asked you to become closer with him." Nia pursed her lips and nodded. "And you two just… Decided you were never gonna tell me you were having a full-on relationship?"
"I…" I was about to respond to say that wasn't true, but I had nothing to say. "Why?" Nia asked in a hurt voice. "Why did you two hide it from me?"
"To be fair, you never asked," I pointed out, making her let out a laugh of disbelief. "Wow, seriously? 'You never asked?' So, what? You still hid it from me!"
I sighed. "It just… All kind of happened. We didn't really know what we were doing, we just knew that we really liked each other. We just didn't know what your reaction would be if we told you, we were scared to find out how you would take it," I explained.
"So you'd rather have me find out about it like this?"
I shook my head. "No, Nia…"
Tears began to well up in her eyes as she folded her hands and pressed them against her lips, trying to compose herself. "I know that I asked you to become closer with my dad, but I meant for you two to become buddies, I never expected this. Yes, it's fucking strange that you and my dad are hooking up, I didn't even know he was into guys. Yeah, I'd be fucking weirded out about it if you told me, but at least y'all would have been fucking honest. I would have gotten over it after like a week or something. Instead, you two snuck around behind my back for months and lied to me about it all, and you probably would have still continued to lie to me about it if I never found out, right?"
I looked away in silence as she chuckled. "I have always been honest with you, Cody. Ever since we've fucking met I've been nothing but real with you! And you and my fucking dad do this to me?" She shook her head and looked away as tears began to roll down her face, taking a quiet moment to think. "I can't fucking deal with this shit, man. You and my fucking dad, lying to me about all this… God, it makes me physically fucking sick. It's not even the fact that you two are fucking that's the problem, it's that you two have been straight-up dishonest about it."
"I'm sorry," is all I could say to her, but she shook her head again. "No you aren't, you're only apologizing because I found out," she said coldly. I couldn't even reply to that, because she was right. If she hadn't found out about us, we probably would have kept seeing each other and lying about it to her.
"So that trip my dad went on… You went with him, didn't you?" She asked me, and I nodded. "I can't even look at you right now," she said with a hurt voice. "I fucking trusted you, Cody. I trusted my fucking dad, too. But you…" She scoffed and wiped her tears, shaking her head. "You're supposed to be my best friend."
"I still am," I quietly said, and she just shook her head some more. "You lied to me, Cody. You lied to me so hard, dude. Best friends don't do that shit to each other."
"I know. I fucked up," is all I could say, feeling a massive pit of guilt in my stomach as I just accepted my position as the one in the wrong. Nia sighed again, turning back to look at the view, silently taking in the sight before she decided to speak again. "I don't want to see you for a while," she said as I widened my eyes. "I'm gonna move in with a friend from high school."
"You don't have to do that," I said to her. "You don't have to move out. I… Had a phone call with Chance earlier, and he wants me to move down to LA immediately, so you don't have to move out. You won't be seeing me anymore anyway."
She laughed. "So you were planning on moving to LA and leaving me here, while still keeping your relationship with my dad a secret from me?" She looked at me and shook her head. "Wow. I gotta say, that's really shitty of you."
"I can still send you money every month for rent. It's the least I could do," I said, but she pursed her lips in thought. "No, I don't want anything from you." She turned to begin walking back inside the apartment. "I'll give you a week to move out. I'll be crashing at my friend's place until you're gone. And by the way, you and my dad can go fuck yourselves," was all she said before walking back inside, shutting the glass door behind her as she left me out on the balcony.
I felt my eyes sting with tears as I leaned over the balcony and began to cry. Snowflakes began to fall from the sky as I let my tears run down my face as I sobbed. I was absolutely devastated and heartbroken, but I knew this was my fault. I knew all of this was because of me.
I had caused exactly what I was afraid of ever happening—Nia and Miles' relationship being compromised, and Nia and I's relationship being compromised, too.
I knew then that there was nothing else I could do to try and salvage Nia and I's friendship. Our bond had broken when I decided to hide all this from her. I hurt her deeply.
I had lost my best friend.
---
Nia had pretty much packed her things and left, ignoring me when I would try to talk to her. She had already made up her mind, she wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
As much as I wanted to fight for our friendship, I knew there was nothing I could do to make her stay. I would just have to do as I said I would, which was to move out and get to LA.
I spent a good while after she left to just cry in bed, blaming myself for letting our relationship get to this point. It's my fault. Even though Miles took part in this too… I could never blame him. I love him too much to pin any of this on him.
After I finally finished sobbing and calmed myself down, I sat up before heading to the bathroom to splash some water on my face and freshen up. I turned off the tap and looked at myself in the mirror, my bangs damp with water. I'm such a horrible person, aren't I? Maybe I should have tried harder to convince Miles that we should tell Nia. Maybe I should have told Nia after Miles and I kissed. Maybe… Maybe Miles and I should have never happened.
I shook my head. No, I could never think that. I love Miles so much, I'd do anything for him. He changed my life. These past few months we've spent together have been the best memories I've ever made. And I don't think that even if I could change anything about them that I would.
I took a deep breath. These are the consequences of our actions… So be it, then. At least I still have Miles. As long as we have each other, everything will be okay.
I wiped my face with my shirt before I went back to my room and sat on my bed, staring at the closet door. But if I move to LA, I won't be able to see Miles anymore… Am I ready for that?
I hadn't talked to Miles since we last texted each other, I needed to call him and tell him about Nia. I got my phone and immediately called him, waiting for him to pick up. After a few rings, it went to voicemail.
"Hey, Miles… It's Cody. Um, there's something I really need to talk to you about. It's… It's pretty big," I said as my message was being recorded. "So… Yeah. I-I don't know if I should say it over the phone, or if you'll already know by the time you hear this, but… Call me back when you're ready to talk." I hit the button that sent the recording before I hung up. I began to feel myself beginning to get emotional again, deciding I needed someone to talk to about this who would tell me what I needed to hear. I didn't want to be alone.
I called Nathan, hearing the other line pick up after three rings. "Cody?"
"Hey, Nathan…" I greeted, trying not to sound like I was crying. "Are you busy right now?"
"I'm off work, so I'm doing some chores right now, but I'll probably be finished soon. Why?"
I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down. "I… I was hoping that maybe you could come over to my place. I just really need someone to talk to right now."
"You alright? Everything okay?" He asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
I went silent for a moment before answering. "It's something I'd rather talk about in person," is all I said.
"I understand. I'll get ready and head there when I'm done with what I'm doing, alright? Give me about an hour. Hang in there for now," he said.
"Thanks, Nathan… I really appreciate this."
"No problem, Cody. See you then."
We hung up before I sighed, slowly getting up to head for the kitchen, looking for liquor or something that would help me stop feeling this pain inside of me.
I frustratedly groaned when I couldn't find anything, mentally noting to stop by the liquor store later. I should also get some boxes. I need to start moving out… Nia only gave me a week, and that's not a lot of time. I don't want to have to do it all by myself, though. Hmm… Maybe I can ask Nathan to help me with packing, and then I'll ask a moving company to help with transporting my things.
I sighed before deciding to just head back to my room and take a nap, hoping that maybe sleeping for a bit would help me get my mind off of things before Nathan got here.
I laid down on my bed and turned on my side as I closed my eyes, trying to forget about everything that was happening even just for a little bit. I wish things didn't have to be this way, I thought to myself as I closed my eyes.
---
In my home where I lived alone, my apron was worn and dirty and my dress wrinkled and torn, but the soldier in my company made me feel beautiful.
"I wish we could stay here with each other forever," I softly said to Miles, who was dressed in his dirty military uniform. He held my face in his hands while our foreheads touched. "I don't want you to leave."
"I know, Cody. I know," he quietly said to me before moving up and kissing my forehead. "I'll always love you. But this is what has to happen. Maybe one day… We'll see each other again."
I looked into his dark brown eyes, feeling my own eyes beginning to tear up. "At least let me give you something before you go," I said before gently pulling away and wiping my tears as I stood up, leaving the room to get him my gift.
I got it from my bedroom before bringing it to him as he stood up. A pewter necklace. "It's just something I thought you would like," I said as he took it from me with a little smile. He pulled me into an embrace and wrapped his strong arms around me.
"I love ya so much," he whispered. I closed my eyes and hugged him back. "We'll meet again, don't you worry about that. Wherever you are, I'll be with you. Just look at the stars and know we're underneath the same sky."
We spent some time just quietly holding each other before we pulled away. Miles closed his hand around the pendant. "Goodbye, Cody."
I nodded at him. "Goodbye, Miles."
---
I jolted awake when my phone began to vibrate and ring, making my heart nearly jump right out of my chest. I picked it up and looked at the screen to see it was Nathan calling me. "Hey, you're here?" I answered.
"Yep. Can you remind me again what number your apartment is?"
I told him the number of the apartment before Nathan said he would be coming right up. We hung up before I sat up and did a big stretch, letting out a deep sigh. What a dream, it was like 'Hanna's Locket,' but if Miles and I were in it… Strange.
Thinking about it reminded me about the situation with Nia, suddenly bringing down my mood again. Ugh, I had almost forgotten about that…
I got up and left my room, walking by Nia's closed door. I couldn't even look at it without feeling a massive pit of guilt in my stomach.
I went to the kitchen to check the fridge again as if I was hoping that booze would suddenly magically appear. As I stared into the fridge, I heard a knock at my door, which I presumed to be Nathan. I closed the fridge door and walked over to the front door to peek through the peephole, seeing that it was indeed Nathan, looking around him with his hands in his jacket pockets.
I opened the door and Nathan smiled when he saw me. "Hey, Cody," he greeted me as I nodded. "Hey." I let him step in as I closed the door behind him.
"So this is your apartment, huh?" He said as he looked around, taking his shoes off. "Yeah. But… I'm moving out," I said sadly, feeling hurt just saying it out loud.
He looked at me. "Yeah? Why?"
I sighed. "It's… What I wanted to talk about," I said with a slow nod. "I'm hoping you could maybe offer some advice."
He nodded with a serious look on his face. "Of course. I'll do whatever I can to help you." He took a moment to just look at me, making me knit my brows in confusion. "Wh-what?" I asked.
"You should get a haircut. Your hair's getting pretty long," he said, making me roll my eyes. "I don't want to hear anything about my hair when you're a straight dude with a quiff."
Nathan laughed as he began to take his jacket off. "Fair enough. Alright, where do you want to talk?"
"We can just sit on the couch. I can make us some coffee or something," I said as he nodded. "Alright, sure."
---
I poured the coffee into the two mugs before putting the pot back in the machine. After adding milk and sugar to Nathan's mug, I brought them over with me to the living room, setting them down on the coffee table in front of the couch as I sat down.
Nathan put his phone away in his pocket. "Thanks for the coffee, Cody. So, talk to me. What's going on?" He asked, picking up his mug before blowing the coffee to cool it.
I took a deep breath. "I… Fucked up," I said. "Do you remember a few months ago when I told you that I had a thing for my best friend's dad?"
"Yeah… But I try not to," he said with a weak laugh. "Go on."
"So, I ended up following your suggestion to make a move on him… And we ended up kissing," I said as Nathan widened his eyes. "He ended up kicking me out, but we talked about it not long after, and it turned out that he liked me too, he just pushed me away because he thought that us being together would be wrong. But I told him I didn't care if it was wrong, because I liked him so much, and I knew he liked me too. From then on… We've been seeing each other in private."
"Wow," is all Nathan could say as I sighed, picking up my coffee mug and gently blowing it before I took a sip. "That's not all, though. The more we saw each other, the more we fell in love. It started with us just sleeping with each other, but… It slowly became much more than that," I said before putting my mug down while Nathan took a sip from his own. "We even went on a trip together. My best friend, aka my roommate, found out… And she was pissed. She has every right to be. She wants me to move out, which is what I'm doing. I'll be moving to LA where Chance bought me an apartment."
"Jeez, that's a lot," Nathan said as he shook his head. "And where does your relationship with her father stand?"
I exhaled deeply. "I don't know. I left him a voicemail message telling him that I need to talk, but he hasn't called me back."
Nathan put down his mug before rubbing his hands together and leaning forward on the couch. "I'm gonna be honest with you, Cody. You really screwed things up with your best friend."
"I know," I said with a sigh as I ran a hand through my hair. "I just… I love her father so much."
"Do you think this relationship you have with him is worth losing your friendship with her?" He asked me in a serious tone. I was about to respond, but no words came out from me. Is it? I asked myself. Is being with Miles worth losing Nia, who's always had my back since we first met? If it weren't for her, I don't know where I'd be today.
"I… I don't know," is all I could manage to say with a sigh, closing my eyes and leaning my head into my hands. There was a moment of silence between us as I continued to think about it. Nia means so much to me, she's always supported me no matter what. She's my best friend, and I never wanted to hurt her.
"Here's my two cents," Nathan said, breaking the silence before taking a sip of his coffee again. "I never think a relationship is worth throwing away a valuable friendship with someone."
I looked up and widened my eyes. "What?" I asked as he nodded. "It's true. I think a meaningful and real friendship is much more important than a relationship with someone, especially if I had this friendship long before meeting my partner," he said. "Love comes and goes… But true friends are rare."
I didn't say anything, only listening to what Nathan had to say. "Think about it, Cody. Wouldn't it be messed up if you and your friend's dad continued seeing each other despite her finding out and being pissed off about it? Personally, I think that makes you and him look like massive jerks," he continued before taking a deep breath. "So… What I'm trying to say is, I think you two should end your relationship."
Nathan must have seen my expression as I began to shake my head, as he continued to speak before I could respond. "I know you love him, Cody… But really, nothing good can come from you two continuing whatever's going on. You hurt your best friend, and she's probably never going to forgive you if you still see her father despite everything that's happening. Try to see it from her perspective. Wouldn't you agree with me?"
"I…" I looked away as I began to feel my eyes tear up again. "I don't know if I can do that, Nathan. I love him so much, we've made so many memories despite the small amount of time we've been together. I don't know what I'd do without him—"
"Like I said, Cody. Your friend is never going to forgive you if you keep seeing her dad after all this," he interrupted, making me shut my mouth. "Besides, you're moving to LA. How are you going to keep your relationship going with him? There are plenty of people there that you're bound to meet that aren't your best friend's father." The thing is, I knew that Nathan was right, I just couldn't imagine my life without Miles in it now that he played such an important role.
But then again… I don't know what my life would be like without Nia either. Continuing to see Miles would just be rubbing salt in her wounds.
"At the end of the day, it's your decision what you want to do. I'm just telling you what I think is the right decision," he said before sipping his coffee again. "If I were in your shoes, I know what's the decision I would make. As hard as I know that decision may be… I think it's the right one."
I nodded and wiped my tears before I looked down at the floor. "Alright," I said before deciding to finally change the subject. "Well, um… I was wondering if after we finish our coffee if you could maybe help me do some packing for the move."
"Yeah, for sure," Nathan said, understanding that I wanted to talk about something different. "Oh, can I tell you about this really funny story about what happened with my students?"
I gave him a tight smile and a little nod. "Yeah, go ahead," I said before taking my coffee mug and sipping a bit as Nathan began to tell his story. But even though he was talking, I couldn't help but tune out and think about what he said about what I should do about my relationship with Miles.
Break up with Miles? I don't know if I could… I love him too much. But Nathan is right, I would lose Nia forever if we kept our relationship going. I know what the decision I should make is, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it.
I took another sip of my coffee. I just need some time to think about it…
---
Nathan helped me do a little bit of packing before he headed home. I was grateful that I had him to keep me company and help me, I really needed it.
But the more the days passed by, the more the apartment felt so empty and dead without Nia. It felt like I wasn't welcome anymore, and the more time I spent in the apartment, the guiltier I felt. I just tried to pack as quickly as I could while trying to also take time to think about what to do about my relationship with Miles.
I hadn't checked social media ever since Nia left, and I had been turning down any gigs offered to me in order to focus both on moving out and the situation with Nia and Miles.
I still hadn't heard from Miles, and I decided that I would simply just wait until he reached out to me first, and if he didn't call me back by the time I was going to move, then I would have to come over and talk to him face to face. I also felt that it was better that way, as it would give me more time to think about my decision without feeling influenced.
While I was working on packing, somehow in the back of my mind something kept reminding me that I needed to buy more booze. I had convinced myself that it would help me cope with how depressed I've been feeling being alone in this apartment, and that it's my fault things are the way they are.
And so, one day I finally decided to get out and stock up on groceries before Nia returned, and I stopped by the liquor store on the way back. I had decided on buying two boxes of coolers and three bottles of coconut rum. I figured maybe I was going a bit overboard, but it was always better to have too much than not enough.
As the days went on, I would just pack and go through a cooler or two while cleaning out my room and putting my things away in boxes and plastic bags. I had pretty much nearly finished packing all my clothes, and my closet was looking much emptier.
There were only a few things of my belongings left to pack, and I would leave the furniture at the apartment. I figured that maybe Nia could have someone else move in with her and make use of my room, someone who deserved it more than I did.
Nia and I hadn't talked since she walked out. Every time I thought about it, my heart would ache in my chest. We went from seeing each other and laughing every day to her completely wanting nothing to do with me. I hate it, I hate that I hurt Nia when I promised Miles I would never do anything to hurt her.
I was cleaning out the drawers of my dresser before I stopped seeing something sticking out from the clutter on top. I dug through a few of the knickknacks before pulling out a strip of photos containing Nia and I, with her arm around me as we were laughing and making silly faces in the pictures. I couldn't help but slightly smile to myself remembering when we went to an arcade together and took these in the photo booth.
I remembered that day. Nia had asked me to come to the arcade with her and her friends on one of our days off, and even though I was a bit worried that I wouldn't fit in with her friends—she assured me that she wouldn't leave my side.
And she kept that promise. She always kept her promises. I couldn't even keep my promise to protect Nia and never break her heart.
Even though I had struggled the past few days with what I should do about the entire situation, being influenced by one side more than other at times… Staring at Nia's smile in the photos and seeing how genuinely happy she looked, I knew that I couldn't lose that light. I couldn't hurt her anymore, I couldn't break her heart any more than I already did.
I felt my eyes tear up as I covered my mouth with my hand, putting down the photo strip. I know what I need to do. And even though it's going to hurt… I know now what decision I have to make.
A tear rolled down my cheek and fell onto the photos. This is what has to be done. For Nia… I'll break my own heart.
---
Ever since I had reached my decision as to what to do, I couldn't stop crying and drinking. I wouldn't drink to a point where I would get super drunk, but it certainly helped to be a bit buzzed to try and stabilize my mood and keep my emotions at bay.
I finally finished all my packing, and seeing how empty my room was made me feel so guilty. It reminded me that this room was no longer mine. All my things were in boxes or bags, and the movers would come by the next day to help move my things and transport them.
I was in the kitchen, looking for something to eat as I heard my phone vibrate on the counter. I closed the fridge door and turned around, walking over and widening my eyes seeing that it was Miles calling me. He's finally decided to talk to me?
I took a deep breath before I picked up my phone and answered. "Miles… Hey."
"Hey, Cody…" He quietly said, and I knew that tone of voice, it was the tone he'd have whenever he was trying to mask his worries. "I'm sorry I didn't call you back. I… I needed a bit of time to think."
"I understand," I said as I gulped my saliva nervously. "So… I assume you know about what happened."
"Yeah. Nia came over a few days ago and was real upset. I tried to hug her but she pushed me away and told me she knew all about… You and I," he said with a deep sigh, making me close my eyes and slowly nod. "I couldn't say anything, I just stood there and listened as she cried and yelled her head off at me. She told me it was fucked up of me to get with someone more than half my age, but it was even more fucked up to lie to my own daughter. She said that she would never forgive me for this."
I bit my lip, trying to hold back from crying again. "I'm sorry, Miles…" Is all I could say. "She hates me right now, too. That's why she wants me to move out of our apartment… And I'm moving to LA."
"Moving to LA, huh?" He quietly said before going silent for a few seconds. "I guess then that would make what I'm boutta say a bit easier."
I already knew what he was going to say. I just secretly hoped that I wouldn't have to actually go through this.
I heard him take a deep breath. "There ain't an easy way for me to say this, Cody," he began to say. "I think we need to end things between the two of us."
There it was. Just hearing him say those words made me feel a stabbing pain in my chest. Though I knew that this was what was supposed to happen, having it play out in reality felt much more painful than just imagining it.
"I love you, Cody. I loved the moments we spent together, every minute I spent with you was nothing like I've ever felt since my wife was around. But my daughter will always come first. I made it my duty to protect her and take care of her, and to be the best father that I can be. It broke my heart to see her so angry and hurt because of me. I can't hurt her any more than I already have."
I was quiet, just listening to what he had to say as I could feel tears beginning to form in my eyes. He's right, and even though I wish it didn't have to be this way… Nia will always be his priority. He'll do whatever he can to mend their relationship and salvage what he can, even if that means removing me from the picture. That's what a good father does.
He sighed. "The reason I'm doing this over the phone is because I know I wouldn't be able to find the strength to do it if you were here with me. If I saw you again, I don't think I would be able to end our relationship. I… I love you too much," he said, and I could hear his voice slightly breaking as if he was trying not to cry. "But like I said, Nia comes first. I can't let our relationship continue knowing how much it's hurt her."
I let the tears roll down my face as I tried to steady my breath. "I get it," I said, my voice slightly shaky. "You're a good dad, Miles. All I ever wanted was for you and Nia to have a good relationship. So… I agree. We should stop seeing each other. I'm moving to LA anyway, it's not like we would be able to even see each other much." Just saying that was so difficult and painful, even though I had prepared for it.
"Yeah," he said before the two of us went silent for a moment. "Cody… I just want you to know that I meant it when I said I loved you. And I'll always love you. It's just… We made a mistake by hiding all of this from Nia. I wish the circumstances were better, because I really do love you," he said, and I could hear him sniffling as I was full-on crying now. "You're an intelligent, kind, passionate, and beautiful boy. I hope ya know that there's plenty of great things and great people out there. You're famous, and bound to meet someone amazing, someone who'll put you first before anyone else. No matter what happens, if ya decide to move on and love somebody else, I'll always love you and support you no matter what."
I couldn't help but begin to cry out loud, not caring about holding back anymore. I could hear Miles crying as well, and every time I heard him cry it physically hurt me. "Cody… You've changed my life for the better. But this is just how it has to be," he said. "So please, don't feel like ya have to wait for me. You're only twenty-one, you're so young and have so much of your life ahead of you. Don't waste it."
I wiped my face with my sleeve, but the tears still continued to come. "I'll always love you," I said quietly. "It'll always be you, Miles. But I understand. This is how it has to be, and… I'm sorry for everything."
"Don't gotta apologize, boy. As I told ya, you've given me some of the best memories of my life, and I'm grateful for the time we spent together." He took another deep breath as he took a moment to compose himself. "I wish all the best for you. I'll always be cheerin' you on."
I smiled through my tears. "Wherever you are, I'll be with you. Just look at the stars and know we're underneath the same sky," I quoted from Hanna's Locket.
I heard him softly chuckle from the other end hearing me quote that, but almost in a sad way. There was silence between the two of us before he spoke up. "Goodbye, Cody."
"Goodbye, Miles…" I said softly before hanging up. After the call ended, I just stood there, my eyes puffy with tears, looking at the glass balcony door to see snow falling outside from the already solemn sky. It's over, I thought. That's it… My relationship with Miles is over.
I went into the cupboard to reach for the bottle of rum, taking it with me over to the couch as I sat down, opening the bottle and beginning to drink straight from it. I drank, I drank, I drank… Trying to numb myself from the unbearable pain I was feeling inside. It was burning my throat, but I needed it. I needed to escape my own emotional hell.
I went on my phone to go into the photo gallery, scrolling through it to see the pictures Miles and I took when we were on our trip together. I couldn't help but laugh through my tears as I went through the pictures, continuing to drink from the bottle as I looked at us being so happy together, kissing and smiling.
I kept going through the pictures, with me in my cute little wig and outfits as Miles looked as handsome and happy as ever. With each picture I went through, I would drink more and more, wishing we didn't have to fuck everything up, wishing things were different. But this isn't a fairytale where Miles and I could just live happily ever after in our own little world.
I couldn't stand to look at the photos any longer. I locked my phone before tossing it on the coffee table, adjusting my position as I extended my legs out on the couch and tilted my head back to drink more from the bottle. I didn't care if it tasted bad, I didn't care if it burned my insides, I didn't care if it would shut down my liver or destroy my intestines. I just wanted to drink my feelings away until I couldn't feel anything anymore.
And that's what I did, I drank until I couldn't keep my balance anymore and could barely tell what was happening. I got so fucking drunk that I ended up laughing and dancing to the songs I was possibly singing out of key, until I ended up falling on my ass with the bottle still in my hand.
I stayed there on the floor, staring up at the ceiling even though the room felt like it was spinning. The ceiling looks like… Oatmeal, I thought as I let out a loud cackle at the thought of our ceiling actually being made out of oatmeal. God, I'm fucking wasted!
I went for another swig from the bottle before sighing deeply, laying down on the cold floor. If I die, then it's only what I deserve. But god, this feels much better than being sad. I could do this every day if it meant not having to feel emotions anymore.
I closed my eyes, smiling to myself as I had finally achieved what I wanted—to take away the pain and feel nothing but numbness. Because getting completely lost in alcohol was the only thing that could make me cope with losing the two people in my life who meant everything to me.
I will never let myself love anyone ever again. And I mean it this time. Every time I fall for someone, it ends up in a complete shitstorm, I thought to myself before laughing again, taking one more swig of rum.
The only companion I deserve is a fucking bottle of liquor.