The catalog I had done shoots in New York for had finally been released. And people went crazy over it.
Someone had posted on Posty about my feature in the catalog, where I posed in both male and female wear, and it went viral. I had gained nearly two-hundred thousand followers over the course of the weeks that followed. People all over the internet were sharing the post about me specifically, praising the Pieri company for having an androgynous model pose for both male and female attire. I was even beginning to see fanpages dedicated to me popping up in my comment sections.
Well, technically it was my idea, but I didn't care much. At the end of the day, I still got paid my coin. And I could finally afford a place to live. And I finally quit my job at the grocery to model full-time.
While my popularity was on the rise, Nia and I went apartment hunting together. Nathan had suggested a few good places in the area that were in decent locations and that we would be able to afford rent with our combined income.
Because of me going viral, apparently Chance had been getting so many calls and emails about opportunities for me. I'd been asked to shoot with other social media influencers in states that were close by, been asked to model for other clothing brands, and even been asked to be featured on a HueToob talk show. I was beginning to feel like my hard work was really starting to pay off!
But even so, there was something that was always in the back of my mind—or someone— and that was none other than Mr. Fotia.
There had been plenty of new people I'd met since going viral, and yet, I found that I couldn't have feelings for anyone else. He was always on my mind.
It saddened me that I hadn't seen him in weeks. I could have shot him a text or something, but I figured it would be awkward. So I started reading the book that he gave me, and even though war novels weren't really my thing, this was his favourite book. This was a story that meant something to him, so of course I'd give it a read if it meant I got to even be the slightest bit closer to him.
Hanna's Locket was about a young british soldier named Theodore, who was drafted to fight in the second world war. Theodore is a very apathetic man, numb to any kind of emotion after he was abused by his father all his life. The graphic descriptions about how his father would mercilessly physically and emotionally abuse him really riled me up, and I found myself getting angry just reading about it.
Theodore doesn't care about getting drafted, as he believes that being in the war is better than being at home where he has no one who cares about him. The story follows Theodore's journey of being sent to fight in Germany, and he feels completely desensitized to watching people around him die. It was a bit chilling reading about how Theodore would describe the horrendous and gruesome deaths around him without feeling anything but indifference.
That was all I had read so far in the book, I still had quite a bit more to read until it was really getting to an important point in the plot. There was still a huge chunk of the novel left to read too, but I was determined to finish it. It was Mr. Fotia's favourite book, after all.
But anyway, after about a month of searching for a place to live, Nia and I both agreed on a two-bedroom apartment in a metropolitan part of the city that was in a good neighbourhood, close to a mainly commercial area. It was a decently sized apartment that seemed to be nice and clean, and that was really all we were looking for. I wasn't looking for anything overly luxurious (at the moment, at least), but I just needed a place that was simple and comfortable.
So, after a month of being on our grind, we finally signed the papers to rent the apartment. The apartment already had the basics; appliances, a used sofa, dusty blinds over the windows, and an old desk in one of the bedrooms. Nia wanted to keep the desk, though—she figured that it saved her from having to buy an additional gaming desk.
And speaking of Nia and gaming, Nia had been gaining new viewers on her video game streams as we would post a lot of photos together on our social media profiles. The more popular I got, she would get a little bit more popular, too. It was good for both of us.
We finally moved our stuff in and even bought some new furniture, with the help of Nathan and his friends who offered to help us out. I thought it would be awkward between Nathan's friends and I, but Farid was just always flirty, while Eric was a genuinely nice guy. But Nathan seemed to be a bit awkward whenever his friends would talk to me now—since he knew about what happened between us…
But nevertheless, we finally moved everything we needed to move into our place, decorating it like it was the old days when we would decorate our dorm room. Nia had a more modern taste for interior aesthetics while I preferred classic and older style aesthetics, but we would meet in the middle when it came to choosing furniture. We tried to keep our options on the cheaper side, anyway.
Since I was getting sponsored by clothing brands, my sense of style was beginning to upgrade, and I was getting a lot of gifts from companies for shooting with them. I was beginning to feel so stylish.
Everything in life was going great, but I still craved the one thing I couldn't have—which was Mr. Fotia. No matter how hard I tried to get over him and fight the feelings, I only wanted him more.
---
"Happy fifty-thousand subs, baby!"
I was sitting on my bed with my laptop on my lap, looking up basic cooking tutorials. I figured that I should learn some basic cooking skills now that I was living on my own. I looked up and saw Nia, who entered my room with a smile before she sat next to me on the bed. I didn't really have a bed frame per se—but rather my frame was just a wood platform the same size as my mattress slightly raised off the ground. As I said, I had simple tastes when it came to furniture.
"You reached that many?" I asked, and she nodded. "Sure did. They're gonna send me a plaque that has my milestone and everything."
"Congrats," I said with a little smile and a nod. Nia nudged me. "I couldn't have reached that many if it wasn't for your help, you know."
"Well, I'm just glad that you're getting more viewers, with or without my doing. You deserve it," I said to her as she seemed to take a moment and let my words absorb. "Hey, congrats to you too. You're the celebrity here, Mr. 'breaking gender stereotypes!' "
I sighed dreamily thinking about me going viral again. "Yeah, yeah… I guess it still is a bit of a big deal…"
"Yeah! You got that interview with that one HueToober, right? What's their name again…"
"Uh… 'The Roberto Garcia' show," I said, having to look up his name in my email inbox. "It's my first interview, so I'm a little nervous."
"Just be yourself, and it should be fine," Nia said reassuringly. "It's not like you could possibly embarrass yourself or anything. You usually always present yourself so put together."
"I guess you're right," I said with a sigh. "Well, I won't have to worry about that until next week. For now, it's all about you and your fifty-thousand subscribers."
Nia clapped her hands. "That's right! And I know the perfect way for us to celebrate!"
"Yeah? How?"
She smirked. "My plug hooked me up with some stuff. We should order a pizza and just chill on the balcony all afternoon."
I nodded and smiled. "Sure, that sounds like fun."
---
So that's how Nia and I spent the rest of our day on our balcony, sitting down on a blanket we laid out while we traded her hand pipe between us and took turns smoking as we talked and scrolled through social media on our phones, showing each other memes. Ah, the feeling of my limbs going numb while I felt like my eyes were melting and my soul was floating out of my body. How fun.
"You know, I haven't done any kind of drugs since that one party we went to back when we were in school," I said to Nia as I took another slow inhale of the pipe, holding the smoke in my lungs before slowly exhaling.
"Which party was that again?" Nia asked as she tilted her head up and rubbed her chin in thought. "I can't remember…"
I rolled my eyes. "The only party where I actually went with you… You got drunk and the guy I was making out with called a ride for us back to campus."
"Oh!" She exclaimed, as if she finally remembered. "Yeah, I remember now. Sorry about back then, I totally ruined it for you and whoever that guy was. You two could have totally hooked up," she said sheepishly.
I shook my head. "I only really wanted to get with him because I was trying to get over my ex," I said, remembering how heartbroken I was over Julian that I put my education on hold because of it.
"Wow, that felt so long ago. What, like three years? You still think about your ex?" She asked me, taking a puff from the pipe.
I took a moment to think. "Honestly, not really. I used to think that we were really in love, but I think we were just strongly infatuated with each other. Our affair was my first serious relationship," I said as she handed me the pipe and I began to take a puff, leaning back against the banister as I stared at the clouds. Damn, being high feels good.
"'Strongly infatuated?' Only you would say something like that," she said with a snort. "Anyway, I'm glad you've moved on. Are you interested in anyone else right now?"
I widened my eyes before coughing violently, pounding on my chest with a fist. Nia came over and patted me on the back to try and help me. "Jesus, are you okay?"
I nodded before clearing my throat. "Y-yeah, the smoke got to me," I lied, trying to play it cool. She can't know that I have a thing for her dad… It would be way too weird. Who knows what kind of reaction she would have?
She chuckled. "You don't smoke much, huh? That's a good thing," she said before taking the pipe from me and having her turn at it. "So… Is there anyone you're into?"
I took a moment to try and think of what I could say—I didn't want to lie to Nia, but I also didn't really want to talk about it either.
Too late, my silence already gave her an answer. She smirked. "Oh, so there is someone! Okay, so are you just not gonna tell me about it?" She asked teasingly.
I exhaled deeply. "He's just… A guy," I said awkwardly. "An older guy."
"Older as in… Your brother older, or as in, like, my dad older?"
I felt my face heat up at that question. It was getting challenging to try and be vague.
"He's… Just older," is all I said before she scoffed playfully. "Whatever."
"What about you?" I asked her curiously. "You've never really told me about your love life."
Nia silently took a long inhale from the pipe before exhaling deeply. "Relationships are complicated."
"They sure are," I agreed with a nod. "Is there any reason you say that, though?"
Nia looked up at the sky as she took another inhale of the pipe. "It's stupid, but there was this girl I met when I was in middle school. This girl in my class named Ashley, I don't know what it was about her, but I wanted to be friends with her so badly. So, I took every opportunity I could to talk to her, and eventually we became friends," she said, sighing. "I didn't know why, but I was very possessive of her. I got jealous easily when I felt other girls were getting close with her. I'd threaten other girls to stay away from Ashley, because I saw that she was my best friend and that other girls needed to find their own."
Nia shook her head. "I know, it was shitty of me. It wasn't until the eighth grade that I realized I had a crush on her. Maybe she felt the same way, maybe she didn't—but when she found out, she cut me off in high school and told people that I was obsessed with her."
"I'm so sorry," I said in a sad tone, but Nia shrugged. "Ever since then, I just decided it wasn't worth it to fall for anyone. I like to keep my feelings to myself—keep things with people totally platonic, yeah? That way, I don't get hurt in the end," she said as she lit the pipe and took another long inhale.
"You're probably right. Every time I ended up falling in love, it always ended with me getting my heart broken," I said sadly. Maybe I should follow her advice and never get into another serious relationship ever again.
Nina began to grind more weed. "So, anyway, about this certain man you're interested in…"
I gulped before chuckling nervously. "What?"
"Why don't you text him? Ask him to hang out, maybe even show him back here," she said with a wink.
I felt myself blush as I looked away. "H-he definitely doesn't feel that way about me… He's straight," I said before sighing.
"So? Weren't all the guys you were with straight before you came along?" She pointed out. "I swear, you're so pretty that you can make any man question their sexuality."
I rolled my eyes. "Actually, I'm pretty sure Farid was already bi."
"Whatever, you know what I mean," she said before lighting the pipe again that was full with freshly ground weed, taking a slow inhale before blowing out smoke into the air. "Look, if you really like the guy but you're not sure if he likes you in that way, why not just hang out as buddies?"
I took a moment to think. Well… I definitely would love to see Mr. Fotia again, and hang out with him like we did at the billiards bar, even if it's purely platonic… I just want to see him again, hear his voice, and just have him in my presence.
Nia smiled. "You're thinking about it, huh? Yeah, you are." She handed me the pipe and the lighter. "Text him right now, tell him you wanna hang out this weekend."
"What? No, that's way too sudden…"
"Just do it, man. C'mon, isn't the power of the ganja giving you courage?"
I had to admit, it was. For some reason, I really wanted to pull out my phone and text Mr. Fotia that I wanted to come over and hang out this weekend. Somehow, my high self was encouraging me to do it, and I found myself pulling my phone out of my pocket.
Suddenly we heard someone buzzing for us, and Nia stood up. "That must be our pizza," she said before she headed inside to go check it out.
I didn't know why, but I was very much tempted to actually do it, to message Mr. Fotia and tell him I wanted to see him.
Maybe I'll just… Write a message draft to him and then delete it. So, I'll just pretend like I'm writing to him and then erase it after…
I went into my messaging app before searching for Miles Fotia, pulling up the keyboard and beginning to type out my message.
Hello, Mr. Fotia. I hope that you've been doing well. I was wondering if maybe you would want to hang out with me this weekend? I really enjoyed our time together at the pool hall, and I'd like to do something with you again, if you'd like to as well.
I stared for a while at the message, pondering about actually sending it. After all, why shouldn't I? I asked myself. I actually do want to see him again, and imagine if he actually did say yes…
My thumb hovered over the send button. Imagine if I pressed send, wouldn't that be crazy? My stoned self thought. Like, if I pressed send right now, then I wouldn't be able to take it back. He would surely see it and he'd either accept and make me the happiest person on earth, or he'd reject me and I'd be completely humiliated. Or the worst possibility—he wouldn't even reply.
Maybe it was the drugs that were making me put myself in this situation, because I knew that I could simply just erase the message and put away my phone. But I really wanted to see him. So I figured that blaming this possibly stupid decision on being under the influence of both drugs and Nia would make me feel better.
Okay, I'm gonna do it, I told myself. I'm gonna press send before I end up chickening out. And if he rejects me, then that means that it wasn't meant to be, and that I should just move on.
I took a deep breath before quickly hitting send, knowing that this would determine whether I should still believe in the chance of Mr. Fotia and I ever possibly working out, or if I should just give up on him completely.
I exhaled deeply before turning my phone face down. I did it. Now I just have to wait…
Soon, I heard Nia coming back with a box of pizza in her hand as she slid open the door and sat down on the blanket with a smile, opening up the box. "It smells delicious, I can't wait to dig in," she said excitedly as she rubbed her hands together.
I took a deep breath. "I texted him. I invited him to hang out with me this weekend," I told her as she grinned broadly. "That's fucking awesome, man! He's definitely gonna say yes. For real, you're a catch, Cody. He's gotta be a lucky guy to have you interested in him."
I chuckled nervously and scratched my neck. You have no idea…
Both Nia and I ate slices of the gooey, hot pizza. Okay, I knew this was bad for my diet, but it was a special day for Nia, so I thought one pizza was fine.
After I finished two slices, I wiped my hands with a napkin before I decided it was time to check my phone and see if he replied. I took a moment to brace myself for whatever the possible answer could be.
I breathed in deeply before picking up my phone and turning it over, seeing a reply from Mr. Fotia.
Sure. Saturdays are for the men. We'll do some grilling in the backyard. You can eat chicken, can't you? If so, then that's what we'll have. See you then.
I stared wide-eyed at the message, having to read it over again and again. He wants me to come over…!
I had to take a moment to think of how I should reply. I decided to be casual about it, and not make it seem like a big deal—even though it kind of was.
Yes, I can eat chicken. Grilling sounds like fun. I'll see you on Saturday.
I hit send and clutched my phone against my chest, sighing with a smile. God, is this a sign from you that maybe Mr. Fotia and I are meant to be?
Even though I knew it couldn't possibly be true, I was still thankful for the opportunity to be able to hang out with him one-on-one again, even just as 'buddies.'
Nia looked at me curiously. "What are you so happy about?"
I looked at her. "I ended up asking him to hang out… And he wants to see me this weekend," I said excitedly.
Nia smiled. "I told you. Now, make sure you wear something nice. You want him to make sure that he won't be able to resist you."
I felt myself blush deeply. "I-I told you, he doesn't think of me like that!"
"And what if he does?" She asked, raising a brow. "It never hurts to wear something a little nicer than usual."
"I suppose…" I said quietly. Nia playfully punched me. "No matter what happens though, just know that I'm proud of you."
I gave her a little smile before sighing. If only you knew who I was completely crazy over… You wouldn't be so proud of me.
---
Saturday had finally come—and Nia had to go to work, so I got to be alone in the apartment to get myself ready. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't a date, but I felt so nervous that it might as well have been.
I looked over my wardrobe for what I could possibly wear. The clothing companies I modeled for provided me with all kinds of choices, it was just a matter of how I was gonna make myself stand out and really make Mr. Fotia notice me.
I was going over some outfits I could possibly wear—a silk button-down shirt? Nah, that's a little too fancy… We're just gonna be doing some barbecuing after all.
I tried to look over what could possibly be an outfit that could be both casual yet eye-catching. And I finally saw exactly what I was looking for.
I found a white pleated skirt and held it up to the light, smiling as I observed it. Yes, this will do, I'll just pair it with a T-shirt that I'll tuck into the skirt. It'll be cute, yet still casual!
I thought about what Nathan said to me at the airport; "Why not try and make a move and see how he reacts?"
I smirked to myself. I bet he won't be able to take his eyes off me with this on… Okay, I'll try it, I decided. I'll just be casual with him, then if he picks up on my subtle hints, then I'll just pretend to be clueless. I'll wait for the right moment—then I'll make my move.
---
I was in my car, making my way over to Mr. Fotia's. I even made a trip to the grocery store to buy a fruit platter, since I thought it would be a nice gesture. Everyone loves fruit in the summer.
I expected to get some weird glares from people at the store, but I surprisingly seemed to look just like a regular girl. It wasn't like I cared about what other people thought if they saw me in a skirt, anyway.
I finally pulled up to the curb at Mr. Fotia's house, taking a moment to take a deep breath. It's only been a couple of weeks since I saw him, but it felt so long ago… I'm a little nervous, I thought to myself before taking a deep breath. Okay, I just need to relax. We're just gonna be two guys grilling, right? There's no need for me to make things bigger than they actually are… Then again, I have such a crush on Mr. Fotia that I don't know how I'm even gonna handle this…
I decided I would just have to suck it up and go before I could change my mind and chicken out. I got out of my car and brought the fruit platter with me, heading to the backyard. I already knew my way there, and it felt so familiar. I was already feeling so excited.
I entered through the gate and made it to the back to see Mr. Fotia, dressed in a tight-fitted T-shirt that showed off his muscular physique as he prepared the grill. He looked up and widened his eyes when he saw me, nearly dropping the tool he was using to clean the grill. "Cody, hey," he said, clearing his throat. "How're you?"
I smiled at him. He looks so good… "Hello, sir. I brought some fruit, if you don't mind," I said, holding up the plastic tray in my hands.
He nodded. "Sure, everyone likes fruit. You can just put it down over there," he said as he pointed over to the patio table. I nodded before walking over to the table, setting down the tray before opening it, taking a slice of watermelon. I turned to look at the shed that we had finished. "Wow, the shed really does look good," I said approvingly with a nod.
"Yeah, sure does. Thanks to your help, boy."
I turned to him and smiled before taking a bite into the watermelon with a soft hum, taking my time to savor the sweet, watery flavour and the soft crunch, the juice running down my chin and fingers. I looked up to see Mr. Fotia looking at me, watching as I slowly ate the watery fruit. I wanted to smirk right there at how he looked at me.
"So, when will we start the grilling?" I asked as I chewed. He coughed for a moment in embarrassment before clearing his throat again. Maybe he wasn't checking me out in the way I wanted him to, but he was certainly looking at me. "Real soon. I'm just cleaning the grill while it preheats."
I nodded. "You should have some fruit, sir. It's so refreshing," I said innocently, as if I was completely clueless as to what I was doing. He just gave a tight smile and nodded. "Yeah, I'll have some later," is all he said before turning his attention back to the grill.
There was silence between us, other than the sounds of me happily eating the watermelon slice as I leaned back on one of the patio chairs, watching Mr. Fotia clean the grill.
"So, how's Nia doing?" Mr. Fotia asked as he turned down the heat on the grill. "I mean, she always tells me that she's doin' fine whenever I call her, but I just wanna make sure she's actually okay."
I nodded, licking at my sticky hands and sucking at my fingers to get all the watermelon juice. "She's doing great. She's taking work seriously, and I'm really glad her gaming channel is doing well."
"Ah, that's good to hear," he said with a nod, scratching his head awkwardly. "Oh, we can start grilling now," he said before reaching for the seasoned chicken breasts that were on the plate placed on the side burner. He put them on the grill as the grill hissed, and he nodded impressively.
He let the chicken grill before turning to me. "So, are skirts popular for men nowadays?" He asked curiously. "Ain't anythin' wrong with it, I just ain't ever seen another man wear a skirt n' make it work."
I felt myself blush a bit at him saying that. I was waiting for him to notice… And he thinks I make it work?
"Well, it's not really popular with men at the moment… But I like to wear it," I said. "Plus, I think we should normalize men wearing skirts and dresses. If I can make it work, I'm sure there are other guys out there who can, too."
"That's a real nice thing to be doing, though. I'm sure you're bein' a role model to boys out there like you," Mr. Fotia said with a small smile, making me feel butterflies in my stomach.
There was a cooler by the grill, and Mr. Fotia opened it to get two beers before handing me one. "Have one, boy."
I nodded and took it from him, feeling our fingers graze each other as he handed me the cold can that was wet from the ice. We both opened up our cans before I took a sip. I'm not crazy about beer, but I couldn't possibly turn down a drink from him…
"Nia said you've gotten a bit famous. That true?" He asked me curiously as he drank his beer. I nodded. "I guess you could say that. I'm definitely not a household name or anything like that yet. It's just a lot of people my age or younger posting about me online."
Mr. Fotia nodded his head. "More of that social media stuff, huh? Well, good for you. How's it feelin' being famous?"
"It's different… But I like it," I said. "But it's not really what I expected it to be like."
"What do you mean?" He asked.
I sighed. "It's just like when I was growing up. Everyone sees me and they think I'm so pretty and perfect, and sure, it's nice to hear—but I wish people would like me for me sometimes."
"Yeah, I get what you mean," he said to me as he basted the chicken on the grill. "You want people to see the hard-working and helpful young man that you are."
I looked up at him. "You want them to see the you who's passionate about reading books, jazz music, and modeling, the real you that you wish people actually are interested in seeing," he said before smiling at me.
My heart was nearly melting. "Y-yeah, exactly…" I said quietly. You see the real me, don't you?
"C'mere and flip the chicken," he said, moving aside and gesturing to the tongs. I nodded and walked over, grabbing the tongs before flipping over the chicken on the grill as it sizzled. It already looked delicious.
"Good," he said as he patted me on the shoulder with a nod. The spot where he touched me felt so warm…
I walked back to the table to have another sip of my beer. "Thanks for letting me come over, sir."
"Ain't no problem. Thank you for asking to hang out. I admit, I was a little surprised when ya texted me outta the blue, but I wouldn't have given ya my number if I didn't wanna hear from you, right?" He said with a chuckle.
I nodded and smiled. God, I love hearing him laugh.
The two of us continued to talk while we grilled, and I felt so comfortable talking with him now—I no longer felt intimidated by him or scared, I felt like I could hang out with him and talk for hours. I still felt nervous around him because I liked him so much—but that was only natural.
"You got any friends other than Nia?" He asked me. "You must be makin' plenty of friends at work, yeah?"
I shrugged. "Nia is my closest friend, I have two friends who were my co-workers at the grocery store I worked at before… I have plenty of friends online, but I don't really hang out with anyone else." I sighed. "People that I've met in the industry don't seem to like me, they think I just got lucky in my work because of how 'perfect' I am."
"Well, that's a real petty reason to dislike someone," Mr. Fotia said. "But those people ain't worth your time anyway. I'm sure you'll meet some better people in the future."
I nodded. "What about you? You must have a lot of friends from the military, right?"
"Oh yeah, I got quite a few friends from the army. Some fellow officers, and even some former enlists. A few people on staff at the training camp, too." He took a sip of his beer. "I ain't hang out with them on a regular basis, though. I like meeting up with them and having a drink from time to time."
We continued to drink our beers and talk some more as we grilled. Once we were finished with grilling the chicken, Mr. Fotia brought it inside as I followed him. He served it on the dinner table, and it looked delicious.
"It looks great," I said with a smile. "Smells great, too."
"I bet it tastes even better," Mr. Fotia said before we began to eat. I hummed in delight when I took a bite and began to chew—it was perfect. Grilled to perfection, not too dry, and full of flavour thanks to whatever Mr. Fotia's secret was.
"It's so good," I said with a nod after I swallowed, taking a sip from my glass of water. "I'm glad. Ain't nothin' quite like some nice barbecued grub."
We continued to eat, and it was a comfortable silence as we took our time to indulge in our meal.
"I'm really glad to hear Nia's doin' okay," Mr. Fotia said, breaking the silence. "I know that she's a strong girl, she always has been. But I can't help but keep wanting to protect her." He sighed. "I know she's perfectly capable of living her own life, but I guess she's always gonna be my little girl to me," he said with a soft chuckle.
I wondered why Nia didn't seem to like her father very much. I knew that Nia said that he was overprotective and strict, but I wondered if her moving out had made him mellow out a bit. Mr. Fotia said that at some point Nia had to stay with her relatives for a bit while he was in Afghanistan, and I wondered if that was a big reason why there was a rift in their relationship.
But it wasn't really my place to talk about that—not right then, of course. Maybe I'll ask Nia about it if it ever comes up between us…
"What was Nia like when she was younger?" I asked as we continued eating. Mr. Fotia took a moment to finish eating before answering. "I'd say she's always been outgoing and bold, and she'd always be gettin' in all kinds of mischief. She'd always get into trouble in school for pulling pranks with her friends," he said as he rolled his eyes before chuckling. "She's always liked playin' video games—my nephews got her into it when she was staying with my brother-in-law and his family. I dunno what's the big deal 'bout all these games, but she likes it and has a job now, so I'm just glad she's doin' what she likes. I'm so proud of the young woman she's grown up to be."
I smiled. "I am, too. I like seeing her happy. She deserves it."
"As I said before, I'm glad she's got you lookin' out for her. In fact, I wouldn't mind at all if you actually were her boyfriend," he said, nearly making me choke on my food. I only nervously laughed in response. But sir… I'd rather be your boyfriend…
"You been readin' the book I lent to ya?" He asked me. I nodded. "Yeah, I haven't really gotten far into it yet. I've been a little bit busy with work, but I promise that I'll read more soon," I said, a bit embarrassed.
"Ain't gotta rush, boy. I understand. Take your time readin' it. Ya ain't even gotta read it if you don't want to."
I widened my eyes. "Ah, no! I really do want to read it, so I'll try my best to make time whenever I can." I don't want him to think that I won't read it! I really want to!
Mr. Fotia just gave me a soft smile. "Well, alright."
We continued eating in comfortable silence for a bit until he spoke up again. "Whaddya say, you wanna watch a movie after eating?" He asked me. I nodded. "Sure. What will we watch?"
"I'll let ya take a pick from some of the classics I have on DVD," he said before taking another bite of his food. "Then we'll watch it."
"Okay. That sounds great," I said with a little smile.
---
After dinner, I helped Mr. Fotia clean up. Even though he told me I didn't have to, I said that I wanted to—and he seemed to be grateful just for that.
It was nice, just the two of us doing the dishes as we conversed. I asked him about any funny stories he had from his job, and he did have a few to tell. It was really interesting to hear about some of the lighthearted stories Mr. Fotia had to share about his time in the army.
After we were finished, I sat myself down on the couch in the living room as Mr. Fotia showed me some of his favourite movies that he had on DVD, which all seemed to be some action movies from the '90s. "Which one do ya wanna watch?" He asked me.
I wasn't really into movies all that much in general, and I didn't think I ever saw an action movie in my entire life. I shook my head. "Um, I don't have a preference," I bashfully said. "I'll go with whatever you recommend."
"Alright," he said, taking a moment to think over his options before finally deciding on one. He opened the case before popping the DVD into the player, then turned off the light before he sat next to me on the couch. Just being next to him on the couch made my heart begin beating a bit faster in my chest, even though there was a bit of space between us.
The movie began playing, and the main character was played by a pretty famous actor that I was pretty sure my mom was a fan of. Mr. Fotia opened up another can of beer, taking a long sip as he watched the screen.
The two of us sat in silence in the dark, nothing but the light of the TV screen illuminating the room and the dramatic sound effects from the movie sounding throughout the house. The movie seemed to be about a loose-cannon cop with a dark past trying to find his daughter's killer. I was trying to concentrate on the movie as much as Mr. Fotia was, but I could only think about how I was close enough to him to hear the pattern of his breathing and smell his cologne… And how badly I wanted to close the gap between us, to touch him, feel him…
I slightly turned my head to look at him, seeing that he was focusing solely on the movie as he continued to sip his beer. Maybe this is my chance, I thought to myself. My mind kept going back and forth between wanting to make my move and not wanting to, but I told myself that I'd do it. I just didn't think that I would be so nervous…
I slowly shifted myself closer to Mr. Fotia on the couch, but he didn't seem to notice. His eyes still stayed glued to the screen. Okay… So he doesn't suspect anything at the moment, he's way too into this movie, I thought to myself with a bit of frustration. I decided to just go back to watching the movie for the time being, slightly disturbed from how much blood and explosions there was.
After about what I assumed to be about twenty minutes more of watching the movie, I decided I would try again to make a move—but try a little bit more. My heart was racing wildly just considering doing this, I was about to tread in dangerous waters. There were so many possibilities as to how he could react; the worst case scenario being that he gets angry and yells at me then bans me from ever coming over again, while the best case scenario would be that he'd be into it and accept whatever it was that I'd try to do.
I took a deep breath as quietly as I could. Well… I already told myself that I'd go through with it, so I might as well try.
I bit down on my lip as I slowly moved my hand towards his knee, lightly placing it there as I kept my eyes on the screen as if I was actually concentrating on the movie. Maybe he looked at me then—I couldn't tell, my eyes stayed on the screen. But he didn't pull away or speak up about it, so I decided that I'd continue.
I carefully moved my hand from his knee to his thigh, feeling at the rough fabric of his pants as I kept my hand there. There was no way he couldn't have noticed it by now, but since I pretended to keep my focus on the movie, I couldn't see his reaction. I just kept my hand in place on his leg as I continued to watch the film. I wonder what he's thinking right now, I thought to myself. Is he debating with himself as to what he should do? Is he thinking about how he should approach this situation?
As I kept asking questions in my head as to what could possibly be going through Mr. Fotia's head, I soon felt something lightly grazing my thigh, above my knee. I widened my eyes before looking down, seeing that Mr. Fotia was lightly caressing my skin with the knuckle of his finger. He seemed slightly hesitant yet curious—as if he was trying to figure something out. I only watched as he slowly moved his hand, feeling his knuckle gently slide down my thigh before lightly moving to the end of my skirt, slightly raising the edge of it.
Mr. Fotia's touching me back… Does this mean what I think it means?
I looked at him with wide eyes, and he looked back into mine as he continued to gently caress my thigh with his finger. My heart was thumping as hard as a drum as I gazed into his gorgeous brown eyes. Our faces seemed to inch closer with each slow second that passed by.
And just like that, we engaged in a kiss, our lips crashing together. I could feel butterflies all throughout my body when our lips touched, and the feeling of his moustache and slightly prickly stubble gently tickling my face somehow made the experience all the more better. He tasted like beer and something that was just so him.
Oh my God, I thought as we kissed. I can't believe it… I'm really kissing Mr. Fotia, and he's kissing me back…!
We continued to slowly kiss, and he brought a hand up to my face as he deepened the kiss, making me instinctively reach up to place my hands on his strong, broad shoulders. He was kissing me so gently, as if he was testing the waters, unsure if it was what he should be doing. But I squeezed his shoulders and kissed him harder, as if I was telling him that this was okay.
My mind was still trying to really process what was happening. I. Was. Kissing. My. Best. Friend's. Father. But I didn't care, I wanted this, I wanted him.
I held onto him tighter, getting lost in our kiss. I was feeling dizzy from the scent of him. His thumb gently stroked my cheek as he kissed me, and his kisses were so sweet yet strong that I felt like I could melt into putty right there. I wanted to stay in this moment forever, wanted to kiss Mr. Fotia over and over again, and again, and again.
But as much as I wanted this moment to last, he pulled away, his mouth sewn shut in a straight line as he looked away from me. He sighed deeply and ran his hands over his face, as if he was questioning what the hell he was doing. I only clutched my chest and looked down in disappointment—not because what just happened was disappointing, definitely not—but because it had to end so soon.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, the movie playing in the background providing some noise to drown out the awkwardness. It wasn't until Mr. Fotia picked up the remote from the coffee table in front of us and paused the movie before he stood up, not daring to look at me.
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as it seemed that he was taking a moment to think. "Cody, I'm gonna have to ask you to go."
I widened my eyes as I stood up. "Huh? But—"
"Please, just leave," he said in a raised and sharp tone that took me aback. "I… I need to be alone."
I felt tears beginning to sting my eyes as I felt my heart break a little. As much as I wanted to say something, I knew that he meant what he said. He wanted me to leave, and there was no changing his mind about that.
I gave a little nod before looking down at the floor. "Okay," I said in a quiet voice, turning around to leave the room before making my way to the front door to leave. I closed the door behind me before I nearly ran to my car as tears were falling down my face.
As soon as I got into my car, I started it right away before quickly driving away from Mr. Fotia's house as fast as I could. I let my tears run down my face as I drove, not even bothering to park somewhere and cry. I just wanted to get back home as soon as possible.
Did he regret it? I asked myself. Of course he regrets it… He probably thinks I'm disgusting. He probably hates me now. It's all my fault. I should have never done what I did, now our relationship is ruined forever… And he probably never wants to see me ever again.
All I could do during the drive back home was blame myself for being so selfish, so stupid. I'm sorry, Mr. Fotia, I thought to myself as I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I'm sorry for ever thinking I could ever be with someone like you.