I see him.
Realising I had been glued to the spot staring, I forced my feet to move. Forward, left, right, even back, just move. Finally remembering human bodily function I sit at the end of one of the tables. Well done me he's sat at the other end, but thankfully doesn't see me, his headphones are in.
I shuffle around getting my stuff out and do the same, blankly staring at my paper. I thought he went back to Liverpool for school, but no, he was here, right in front of me, living and breathing. Lewis Island was back.
Now Lewis and I never dated, we were barely even friends, but that didn't stop me having the most ridiculous, formidable crush on him for the full five years of secondary school. Now, he wasn't one of the pretty boys that hung around with Izzy, though most of his friends were, he was the pinnacle of what bi girls fall in love with. Rings, few tattoos, actual fashion sense, and the class clown.
When we were younger he didn't look like this obviously, back then I 'fell in love' with what I heard, like the entire female species. Especially that accent. Most would disagree, but there's just something about the scouse.
I never acted on my feelings which I almost regret, it just never felt like it would happen, and it never feels like it will.
Subtly and slowly I look up, he was packing up to leave. I boldly decide to sit up and sort out my hair, looking back down at my book again. I hear his foot steps travel past me, but they don't stop. I don't know what I was expecting, it's not like he was just gonna start a friendly conversation with me.
I sigh to myself. I think it is actually time to forget him, heaven knows I've tried before, and failed. I'm 18, I can't keep waiting for other people. No that doesn't mean asking him out, I'm going to take every opportunity from no on, especially at the party this Saturday.
➰➰
I'm sitting in my window seat, I opened it slightly to smell the mint bush just below. 'I duckinf hatw you' by Ghostemane, Parv0 is playing.
Izzy said she'd be over in a sec. Her parents are out on date night and her sister is at a friends so we decided to have a movie night 'in honour of the first day back'. At least I'm never bored with her. Not to mention she said she'd be brining some of her secret stash. From her social status, Izzy could get her hands on anything she wanted.
Suddenly the door burst open. "OK! I got the snacks and the weed which first" I nearly fell off my seat. "Jeez Iz shh my dad could be anywhere" Nothing could ruin the grin plastered on her face, I needed this, especially after today.
"Weed, definitely" I answered. She dropped her bag and jumped onto the cushioned window seat. "I love your house. Can I have my own room?" "no"
"Oh, my dad said I can do the the party on Saturday, really looking forward to it" I said as Iz lit the joint, breathing it in. "Amazing" She handed it to me. "By the way I think I should tell you that Lewis is going to be there, did u know he's back?" She asked, I nearly choked "Yeah, *cough, I ran into him today"
"What!? What did he say?" Breathing in "nothing, I don't think he even saw me" I look out the window. "You going to be ok?" She asks, taking the joint from me. "Of corse I'm going to be ok, i'm not some love sick-" "Idiot?" I look at her giggling.
I change the subject "What about Conrad?" Her smile falters. "He's fine. We're fine". "Is he going to Charlotte's party?" I ask. "No" "Good, we'll make him jealous. Lets go shopping before, for outfits" At that her grin is back.
"Oooooohhh, I could have like a really cute..." She lectures on for a while and I just listen, smiling , it was going to be a good weekend.
We spend the rest of the night planing, eating and watching movies until we finally go to sleep at about 2 am.
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