Pain and bitterness is all i felt. My curtains were open, but at least i was in my own room. I lay there, breathing. Absorbing the soft feel of my sheets and the curse of a hangover. Bits of last night were coming back to me and- OH MY WHAT!? Flashes of images and feelings hit me like a slap in the face. I, had, kissed, lewis...
How? Why? What? I sat up out of shock, instantly regretting the sudden movement and holding my head in my hands. I kissed him. An actual person made out with me.
It's Sunday so i have a day to recover before school. What was i going to do if i saw him. When i saw him. He probably regrets it. But who cares right? So i kissed him, what does that even mean? God i hate myself right now, he was probably just too drunk and didn't know what he was doing and with who.
Wait a second, what the hell was i thinking. I didn't regret it, it was fun. So what if he wanted to forget it ever happened. It was a pleasure for him to even touch me without me breaking his wrist, he may not know it but it meant nothing. Well not nothing, it was basically my first kiss, but he go fuq himself if he thinks i'm going to be ashamed or embarrassed.
Yeah sometimes i differed between thinking myself worthless or a god, but i would not be worthless or squeamish after i kissed him like that. Well, i was officially entering my ho faze.
Something, someone snapped me out of my thoughts. "Malechai, for the last time your father wants you downstairs immediately" Said Fred outside my door. Jeez what time is it? How did i even get here?
I guess i must have gotten a ride or something. Wait did Lewis drop me off? Well if he did i home he was intimidated by where i live, how would he even know where i lived. Maybe not then. Though i would have liked to see the look on his face. He'd come running back then.
I threw the covers off me, realising my party outfit was still on. I wonder how Cedar got home, which thinking about now he's probably at some girls place.
Too tired, so i just put my sweatpants and a sports bra on, and tied my hair up. It's just my dad so who cares. I hope Izzy got home safe, though maybe she stayed at Charlotte's.
Today i think i'll get Fred to set up my favourite reading chair by the lake with an umbrella and just read. If i get hungry i can message Beth to send me something. Oh i can almost feel the warm breeze and the sweet smelling lilli's. The mist would still be clearing and i loved the atmosphere, it was chilling.
I loved but also hated Sundays. It was an excuse to do nothing and relax, but there was always some homework or revision before school the following day. Obviously i wouldn't get it done until the last minute, but it's a Sunday, so who actually cares?
From what my mirror was telling me, i was clearly hungover. I actually look gross, the makeup seriously smudged and my hair was in desperate need of a shower. Well that would have to wait. If my dad oh so needed to see me now, he was going to have to deal with the wreck of a daughter i am right now. Though i'll still clean my face.
Refreshed and still in need of a hangover recovery kit, i headed to the stairs outside my room. I'm assuming this is just going to be a lecture on responsibility, and i get that my dad loves me and wants me to be safe, but i really needed to get rid of this bubble wrap that's constantly around me.
At least i got to go to a public school, private ones are full of rich snobby people. That definitely is not my crowd, despite who me and my family are. Yes sometimes i was excluded, but that was forever ago. Everyone has known me for the past six years and i don't think the whole money / mobb factor really bothers them anymore.
Obviously no one asks about my crime family, which i appreciate, so they just left me to myself and my friends. It's odd because sometimes i think about if i was a guy, would my life be the same. Cedar would still be the oldest but a bad boy was always admired, especially at school. Would i be one of the fuq boys, or still the one friend kind of person. Would i even be bisexual?
All this thinking was hurting. I just needed to have some water and get to my book as quick as possible. Maybe i'll re read Throne of glass.
Turning the corner and beginning my decent down the stairs. My head was turned down facing my feet, so i didn't see them before i was just a few steps from the floor. My dad turned around to look at me and clenched his jaw.
There was three people standing by my dad, all looking at me. A mum, dad, and their son i think. From the looks on the parent's faces i don't think they were expecting this. Me. Basically half naked me.
They were all wearing formal wear, well suits and a business dress. I on the other hand... As awkwardly and slowly as humanly possible i cross my arms over my chest, earning a snicker from the boy. I snapped my eyes to him but he was looking at the floor, suppressing a smile.
"Dad." I nodded at him. This was his fault. If he was expecting a display of competence then Fred should have told me to get dressed. But he literally woke me up like five minutes ago, what was i supposed to do?
"Jackie, Martin. This is my daughter, Malechai." Began my dad, turning back to them. "She was up late" Smiling i say "Morning". I bet it was my dad, he probably sent someone to drag me from the party after finding out there was people coming the next morning. Why was it me though? It's usually Cedar to do this kind of thing. The eldest, or even the youngest. Not the middle sibling.
"Meet us out back?" Now i could almost see a smile on his face , did he find this funny? I nodded in reply and they all left for the garden porch.
Wow that was embarrassing. Definitely changing now.
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