The nightmare was always the same. First, Bai Yue saw her younger self kowtowing respectfully to receive the imperial edict. There was neither joy nor despair on the young face when she was told she was to marry the Emperor as one of his many concubines. The young girl that she had once been served dutifully the man who was as old as her father. She smiled bashfully on the bed and let her husband undress her and caress her fair, smooth skin. She giggled when he spoke, nodded obediently when he fed her medicine to prevent pregnancy, and never showed any hint of displeasure towards the situation.
"You are the perfect wife," the Emperor used to say as they lay in bed in their birthday suits.
As an answer, Bai Yue would always bury her face in his neck, hiding her cold smile. The perfect wife, for a man, didn't it mean to serve him as his personal prostitute? The only difference between a man's harem and a brothel was the number of clients a woman had to attend to.
Besides, Bai Yue wasn't stupid. No matter how much the man favored her, she was only a chess piece he liked to use. From the very beginning, the reason for her presence in the Emperor's harem had always been to enrage the Empress and the concubines who bore a child.
The Emperor had too many children. No less than fifteen princes competed for the throne with the help of their respective mothers. How could the Emperor be content with that when he was still alive? Thus he stopped going to the rooms of his children's mothers. Because of this, the childless Bai Yue rose to the rank of Imperial Concubine in less than ten years.
For many years, the State of Zhou had the Second Prince Ji Mo Yuan as Crown Prince. Incidentally, the man was also the first son of the Empress. However, the Empress grew discontent with that son of hers and started favoring his blood-brother the Sixth Prince, Ji Mo Zhen. As such, it was no surprise that Ji Mo Yuan was plotted against by his too many brothers and accused of embezzlement. He was then demoted from Prince to a commoner.
Then came the death of the Emperor. As a childless concubine, Bai Yue was to be buried alongside her husband to serve him in the afterlife. However, she had the misfortune of catching the eye of the new Emperor Ji Mo Zhen.
Ji Mo Zhen, as the beloved son of the Empress, was a spoiled and cruel man. His first imperial edict was to sentence his brother Ji Mo Yuan to prison. His second one was to sentence five of his other brothers to death.
Also, just like his late father, Ji Mo Zhen liked women. All the princes had at the very least three wives and four concubines. And many female servants whose only duty was to serve their master in bed. However, Ji Mo Zhen was truly lustful and perverted. Even the concubine of his late father, he couldn't help but wish to taste.
This, more than anything, brought Bai Yue to her miserable end. The mother of the new Emperor hated her. The wives and concubines of the new Emperor hated her. And Ji Mo Zhen only saw her as an exotic plaything. One he couldn't and didn't want to protect.
As such, it was no surprise that Bai Yue was tortured. On the new Dowager Empress' order, her arms and legs were cut off and her eyes were gouged out. Yet she still breathed, her heart refusing to stop beating. How pitiful! How painful!
How long did she lay on the cold stone floor, naked, without any once of dignity? Without her sight, everything seemed to be intensified. The pain, the harsh feeling of the stone under her skin, the mocking words of the people around her, the screams that tore out of her throat when waves of pain ran through what was left of her body.
"I want to die," she kept thinking again and again.
Every second lasted an eternity. But nobody cared.
"First my husband, now my son? You wh*re, just crawl back where you came from," the Dowager Empress would say when she visited her, never forgetting to kick her. "Filthy wh*re!"
"Please, kill me," Bai Yue pleaded with her hoarse, feeble voice.
"You wish."
And yes, she wished. But her wish didn't come true. Doctors came and stopped her from dying. Servants forced food and water into her mouth. Just enough for her to live. Perhaps she should have bitten her tongue. But no matter how many times she tried, she never succeeded.
In the end, furious screams echoed through the palace and the floor trembled. Someone burst into the room. A sword stabbed her.
"Thank you," was the last thing she said as, finally, she took her last breath.
***
Bai Yue woke up screaming, her eyes open wide in fright and beads of sweat rolling down her forehead to the bridge of her nose and neck. Her eyes darted around her childhood bedroom without stopping for a second as she panted, her heart beating fast in her chest as if it was trying to escape the flesh prison.
Why? Why was she back into the hell that was her life? Why couldn't she just die and never open her eyes ever again?!!!
The door of the bedroom opened and a young maid ran inside.
"Young miss, young miss, are you alright?" Liu'er rushed to her side and pulled out a handkerchief from her sleeve to wipe off Bai Yue's forehead. "Is it the same nightmare again? My poor young miss, you are safe here. Nobody will hurt you."
Bai Yue pushed Liu'er's hand away and clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms. A bead of blood soon appeared but Bai Yue ignored the sting.
"Safe?" she croaked, her dry lips curling into a mirthless smile, the skin splitting apart in the process. With her pale face, she looked like a corpse who had crawled out of its grave. She started laughing, her whole body shaking madly. Tears welled up in her eyes but didn't pass her eyelids. "Safe! Hahahaha! S-sa-safe! Haha!"
How could she be safe?! Here? Here was Hell!
In front of such a sight, even Liu'er who had been taking care of her ill mistress for a whole month couldn't help but cringe. Ever since that cold breeze on a summer night three months ago, the Fifth young miss of the Bai family had gone crazy. Her former maids all swore the young miss was possessed by a ghost and refused to approach her. Many servants had then been sent to attend to the young miss but none remained. In the end, it was Liu'er's turn.
"Y-young miss, of course, you are safe! Who would dare to attack you in this house? Young miss, don't you know how much the Lord and the Madam love you?"
"Father? Mother?" Just uttering these two words made Bai Yue laughed louder. Where were her parents when she was made into something neither human nor animal? Only her older brother came, his pleading voice carrying into the room where she lay. The proud Lieutenant General Bai Rui, pleading for her life.
Eventually, a few tears rolled down her face and Liu'er wiped them off urgently. Such a young girl, yet her hands were already rough. Bai Yue couldn't remember if the girl had been part of the Bai house in her past life. Yet here she was, taking care of Bai Yue as if the latter was something to cherish.
"Young miss, what happened to you? Who hurt you?" Liu'er hesitated a little before she gently rubbed Bai Yue's back, inwardly thinking her young miss was truly pitiful. Only sixteen years old yet here she was, plagued with nightmares instead of dreams of her future husband. To think that before, the Fifth young miss was said to be the perfect future wife. Pretty but not too much to be considered as a vixen, obedient to her elders, and respectful to others. Quiet, too. Just like a beautiful vase.
Many matrons came to propose in the name of their families' sons but none had the luck to be chosen by the Lord and Lady of the Bai family. Although the Bai family had only a Count title, the Lord was the son of the old Dowager Empress' cousin. In the capital full of noble families, the Bai family might not be in a high position, but it was certainly not in a low one!
"Nothing happened," Bai Yue sighed as she allowed herself a moment of peace, her forehead resting on her maid's bony shoulder. After a month by her side, the scent coming from the girl in front of her was slowly becoming familiar. A strange mix of herbal tea and candles. Somehow, it helped her heartbeat to slow down and colors returned to her face. "Just a nightmare, nothing more."
Of course, they both knew it wasn't the truth. But Liu'er understood the underlying meaning and nodded. Then, deciding it was time for her young miss to face the day, she stood up and helped her get ready. The clothes were chosen carefully. No jewels or colorful fabric. Only white and dull colors were allowed. Also, her young miss didn't want to wear any make-up.
The simpler, the better.
Of course, no one in the house agreed with that logic but since the Fifth young miss was ill, no one said anything. At least, not in front of Bai Yue.
Combing the long and slightly coarse black hair, Liu'er let out a sigh. Truly, what a pity! Such a good miss had been reduced to this state. If Liu'er found the culprit, she would bite him to death!