Mia
I don't know what came to me yesterday. I don't know why I was admitting my insecurities to James.
The one thing that I've learned from my experience is to never admit your feelings to anyone, they'll betray you. You should never be vulnerable. Never ever.
The last year and a half were so difficult for me. I had everything that I've ever wanted. Melissa, a roof above my head, a stable financial condition. I didn't have to struggle. The time away from home has taught me many things. I don't know whether I should be grateful for that or not. Every second I lived was passed in a struggle. I didn't know half of the time what I was doing. There was no one to talk to, no one to guide, I was so alone, I missed Melissa, my friends, my life. It was snatched away from me. I made friends there but they didn't know the real me. I didn't know how to manage this new life, adulting was hard. The first few months were the hardest. I had never saved money, mom and dad thought that money could fill their absence. I wasn't a brat neither was Melissa but we didn't struggle. We were privileged and happy in our own little world.
Then the hurricane happened. It destroyed us. I was scared that Brian would send his goons to kill me when I was at my weakest. I can't die without killing him, how will I avenge Melissa then?
So I started my training. If I train at least I would stand a chance against him. I trained so hard, pushed all my limits.
I stayed up most of the nights. My anxiety and nightmares kept me awake. I worked overtime to get extra money. Some nights I came home to crash on my couch only to wake up glistening in sweat. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Melissa. I was like a walking zombie. I didn't eat properly, only survived. People there thought I was like this due to my breakup. Only if they knew the truth.
When James held my hand, it felt like he was genuine. It was too good to be true. He told me I wasn't a failure, that I was brave. Only if he knew the truth. He would look at me with disgust. He thought that he was my friend but could he be friends with a messed up girl like me? He was better off without me. He doesn't have to deal with my mess, I can handle it. I can't lean on. I'm not brave, if I were, Brian would be dead. I'm a coward who ran away to protect herself.
Hadn't I promised Melissa that I would keep her safe? That Brian wouldn't hurt her? Did I keep my promise? No. I didn't. My mistake cost Melissa and all the other girls their lives. I was a disappointment. I would always be. I could have stopped her from going to the club. She and her friends would be alive. It all happened because of me.
James's eyes spoke with sincerity. It didn't sit well with me. It made me feel like I was really brave which I wasn't. His words made me feel that I wasn't a disappointment. But I can't think like that. I had to remain focused, I can't be weak, not now, not ever.
I sighed.
A knock on my door brought me back from my thoughts.
I opened the door and saw Naomi standing with a box in her hands.
"Hey, Mia! How are you feeling today?"
"Not the best but it's normal."
She giggled.
"Won't you welcome me inside?"
"Yes, yes behold my humble abode."
I closed the door behind me.
"This looks great! Looks like you've settled in."
"Yes, it was tiring nonetheless."
"I know how it gets, I've changed more than two apartments in the past two years."
"I'm exhausted just by hearing about it."
She smiled, her smile reminded me of Melissa's. No no. No, Melissa, she's Naomi.
"Make yourself comfortable."
She sat on my couch and I handed her a glass of water.
"I was going to come to meet you today but when James asked me to first thing in the morning, it surely piqued my interest. Something going on between you two?"
I coughed and regained my composure.
"Nothing. Nothing is going on between us. Why would you say that?"
"I see. I just wondered why he held your hand the entire way to the hospital, the way he was worried about you when you were unconscious. The way he was bubbling in joy when the doctor said you were fine. And not to forget the way he called us 6 in the morning that his Sugar went missing and he could not find you anywhere. I thought there was something steaming here." She shrugged.
"He was worried about me? He held my hand?" I whispered.
She hummed. I searched her face for any lies but all I found was the truth. She was grinning.
"Oh, this is going to be fun."
"What?"
"Nothing. Here have this apple pie, I made it this morning."
I ate a bit since I hadn't had breakfast. Oh my god... I hummed.
"This is so good...I understand why James breaks into your house. You are an amazing baker." I smiled.
"Why thank you, Mia. I'll bring you something whenever I get time. Don't tell James it's our girl secret." She giggled.
I gave her a sinister smirk, "why not, why not."
After a few bites, I asked her,
"What got you into baking?"
"My family runs a bakery so it was fair that I had an interest too. My grandma started it and my family still runs it back home. She taught me the basics, these are her recipes, I'm just adding my touch to these. She was always so passionate about baking, when I was a little girl I wanted to be just like her. She baked in her last days too. She made me a chocolate cake that day. I would have cherished it more if I knew. The whole town loved her and her bakery. People from nearby towns came to visit our shop regularly. My parents take care of the shop now. It's really wonderful I'll take you some time there."
She smiled. Oh, she was a good person and so were James and Ryan. They were the good people, how were they professionally I had no idea. Maybe they were good there too.
"I would love to go." I smiled.
"I was just wondering why did you change more than two apartments in the short span of two years? If you don't mind me asking that is." I asked.
"I moved in with my longtime boyfriend in his apartment during my training. We maintained a long-distance relationship for three years because of our education. He changed and it was not healthy. He was emotionally abusive. I didn't see the signs but Ryan did. He made me realize what I was putting myself into." She shook her head at herself.
"My excuse of an ex used to comment on my choice of clothes, 'Naomi what the hell are wearing? That short skirt does not suit your thighs. You look so fat in this, at least try to tone your stomach. Eat less. God, you are such a disappointment. See girls your age, they have such beautiful bodies and I do not have any idea how are you going to be a cop. Are not cops supposed to be fit? Do not go out without me, why are you coming so late home. Fuck how can I marry a girl like you? How did I even ask you out? I should have made a drunk decision the night I asked you out. Abby was so better than you. And on and on.'" She huffed.
"Now, I know that it does not look that I would have listened to whatever bullshit that sucker said. But that time I was merely a teen with nearly no outside exposure. I believed whatever he said for months. And when a person quite literally hammers for months that you are nothing like other girls, it affects your self-esteem." She appeared disappointed.
I squeezed her hands, "Can I know his address? I promise, I just want to talk to him."
"He moved out of state sadly. But do not worry I did throw his drink at his head in front of everyone in the dinner he worked part time when I broke up with him." She smiled like a little devil.
"That's like my friend!" I high fived her.
"Ryan wanted to punch my ex's face when I told them both what was actually happening behind my happy facade of a relationship. But James stopped him. He asked me where did my ex's reputation matter the most. I really did not want a public breakup but James compelled me to do so. He said, Nay, it is revenge time for the shit he put you through. So, there I was in his workplace spilling the drink he was carrying right on his head the moment he commented on my knee length dress."
"Then Ryan and James helped me to settle in another small apartment and between training and settling in Ryan and I fell in love. He proposed to me last year and we brought another home for ourselves. Ryan and James used to be roommates before. I've never been happier. Well, we are on cloud nine since we knew I am pregnant. I am just so happy with my life, Mia. I really do not regret that shitty person existed in my life. If it was not for him I would have never gotten such good friends and such a loving husband." She sighed dreamily.
"I'm happy for you. Really. Your story is wonderful. And if you ever like ever see that piece of garbage when we are together just nudge my elbow I will give him the craziest sucker punch ever recorded in the history of the world. Do not forget to record it too! I mean I need proof to show to genius world record people too right?" I smiled.
"Some of the credits go to James too. He was hell-bent on hooking us up. He played the Cupid and now it's our turn to return the favor."
I frowned in confusion. What is she talking about?
Then she quickly changed the topic and I was distracted easily too.
We talked and laughed for hours. It was so much fun to have a female company. I and Melissa talked like this when everything was perfect.
I ate my meds when I finished the pie. I had a real smile on my face. I was happy.
"There's my birthday party this Saturday. I would love it if you come."
"I have my weekend off and hopefully I would be feeling better too. I don't know about the crowd though."
"Oh." Her smile slowly vanished.
"I'll be there. Text me your address." I didn't want to upset her.
"Don't worry about the crowd. I am only inviting close friends and family. We are going to have the announcement and we only want some special people to know." She patted my hand.
"I actually wanted your help, Mia?"
"Yeah, sure! What do you want me to do?"
"Well, it isn't anything serious, I just help in choosing a dress for my birthday party. I am really confused between these three dresses. Which should I choose?" She removed her phone and showed me 3 different colored dresses.
"Hmm, let me think." I rubbed my chin in concentration.
"The pink and white one! This will look so cool on you!"
"I know right! Thanks even I wanted to go for this one!" She bumped my fist with hers while laughing.
We exchanged numbers and she stayed for a while till there was a knock on my door.