Physics has to be yet another subject that I hate with all my heart. The first one is mathematics. I wonder why overthinkers like Isaac Newton had to make such a huge deal of an apple falling from a tree. Because of his invasive and accurate justification, we have to study the laws of motion and gravity throughout our entire lives. What would these laws ever do to change my life? How will these ever help me when my career field doesn't seem to revolve around it. Waste of time! It is what it is.
But I'll have to admit Lecturer Ashraful Huda makes it sound interesting as heck. He's so goofy and funny that I don't think I'll ever need to open the book to study, his words are stuck on my brain cells as if they were ancient and funny jokes no one could forget about. Sometimes I like to wonder what if I wasn't always told that I'd have to be a doctor when I grow up? Because they literally tagged me with it from the moment I first laid my eyes open, and even then I let out my first cry not because I had finally landed on Earth (because literally, I don't like Earth anyways, living is so hard and boring!) but because I had seen that cursed tag. Would I have chosen the scientific field even then? Would I still go for pure science? Maybe not. But now that this is what I've grown hearing I don't see myself going for any other subject. Maybe this was always for me.
I hate maths so I would never go for commerce moreover I don't want to go for a business ever. My dad is my biggest example as to why I would never want to go to the commerce field. Arts is a hobby and I would consider it as more of a hobby. Something I love to do, but that's it. Guess science has been there all the time unwillingly or willingly. Nevertheless, I find the human brain too much fascinating. Not like to perform a surgery or anything but as to how a human thinks. It's fantasy itself.
Specially criminology and that's when Mr. Hyde inside me awakens with desires, dark and bloody. I would want to realize how it feels to have killed someone? Would I regret it? What will be the after-effects of it? Would I cry? Definitely. If I ended up taking someone's life I would sit right there on the floor and sob to death with regret and self-hatred. But still, the question persists, what does it feel like to have done someone so wrong that it constrains you to go crazy with regret and maybe self-harm? What drives a human with so much vengeance or nothing at all as in psychopaths and sociopaths to be obsessed with murder? To kill someone of your species. But I would never go for criminology too. It's very depressing and I might end up going crazy myself.
Instead, I would want people to feel comfortable with me, I want to be closer to them, befriend them. Take their darkness away or help them through their depression and things that make them demotivated towards life and make them feel like a disappointment. Cause nobody is a disappointment in this life. Everybody is significant and plays a very valuable role in their own lives or someone else's. Everything happens for a reason or so do I believe. And there's always a happy ending in one way or other for everybody. It depends on how patient one can be really. How long you can wait to finally achieve something important to you, how much it means to you even if it cost you whole life, and then when it's the right time, you'll get your desired ending, no matter what cause it rightfully belongs to you now and nobody can't take it to form you. Being a psychiatrist is what I deem could be the one for me. And if patience is really what I have to do, then future husband I'm doing it all for you! Not a single boyfriend and I'm still waiting with patience for you!
To help people find their path to solace and love as I've found mine. In music. Literally, if someone comes up to me and asks what I plan on doing in the future, I would try and try to say something but then just shut the fuck up and simply say nothing because I'm so unsure of anything in the future. I am hopeless in life and APPARENTLY IN ROMANCE TOO!! Damn! How many girlfriends does my husband have now? Is he a virgin patiently waiting for me as I'm waiting for him? OR IS HE A FUCKING MANWHORE GOING ON AND OFF ABOUT GIRLS? I am such a cliche person sometimes.
Music though is like a drug to me. It's an addiction. Without music, I don't think I would be breathing. I would be alive, yes, but not really living. When I sing I feel like I am releasing my stress, giving my tension away, and absorbing positivity, and it makes me feel happy and a lot hella romantic.
Since you're single like forever, my conscience adds.
I am such a hopeless romantic person, I wonder how he is, my future boyfriend. I am forever grateful to my mom for getting me into singing classes even before school education because songs and singing is life to a human, to me very specifically. When you hear a song it's a whole vibe, from making you cry to making you feel romantic to gothic. Music has it all! and like my mom I have that voice for it which all my singing teachers, gurus have told me repeatedly and begged me to practice with harmonium, but I never do. Not because I hate rehearsing but because I hate harmonium. It's beautiful harmony, yes, but not my vibes like a piano, violin, or like a cool guitar. I want to go for a youtube account this upcoming year and I have a condenser microphone too! I want to explore my options through music, with music.
My thoughts are irrational and make no sense at all.
"Mahira?... Mahira are you here?", a voice calls for me from the screen of my laptop. I quickly unmute myself and say
"Yes sir..yes sir".
"Do you understand the electrostatic force explanation"
"Of course sir…yes". I am so stupid, dear Lord! The teacher did not understand that I wasn't paying the least attention cause I have been staring straight into the screen and zoning out. Silly me! Why am I like this? If he asked me a question related to it I would be found dumbstruck and the next thing would be my mom scolding me because sir would have complained about me. Cliche teachers.