It's only after a later evening that I'm still doing online class, math above all, into the third hour that I'm famished with bile consuming every last food I had consumed over the past eight hours of doing the online class. It's a Thursday so all the classes gather all at once. Moreover, I only had brunch waking at 12 today. Mommy walks towards the room across the living room where I am at the moment since my phone almost ran out of charge and I hurried here to put my laptop back into charge. I am exhausted.
"I. Want. Food. I am hungry, haven't eaten anything for the past eight hours and it's 7 in the evening. What's there to eat or make me food," I call out to my mom frustrated at my own circumstances and hunger turning into burning anger.
"Amena [caretaker] is making something. I'll ask her to bring it faster for you", she says as she continues arranging clothes and finally walks out of the room asking the caretaker to bring me food. I call out to my brother to make me a glass of cold coffee.
"Do I look like your work boy? Yes, ma'am type? I do not take orders."
"Of course not, you're my little brother that I love so much. You know that right? Make me some coffee, please", I say with my puppy eyes and making a cute face.
"That face doesn't work for me, you look like a dog, but I was making coffee anyways". He says and then walks back to the kitchen. Little heathen!
I know I'll probably catch a cold tomorrow and won't be able to sleep until early morning because of the cold coffee. But the heart wants what it wants. So yeah. 15 minutes later my caretaker brings me a pastry, that I baked the other day with some hot cabbage fritters and fried cauliflower that she made and my brother brings me my glass of cold coffee. Appetizers, Dessert, and drink. Perfect. In the middle of the class without taking my notes for maths, the subject I am the worst at, considering I muted myself and no video, I give my insides what they desire the most and want. Food. I gobble down everything within minutes, filling my tummy, and finally resort back to class when the teacher says the class is over. I am failing my O'levels miserably! Never mind. From tomorrow I'll really study.
That's what you said yesterday too, didn't you? my conscience adds.
I lie down on the bed and close my eyes for a bit. Staring at a screen with so much brightness really hurts your eyes, I might turn blind if this continues for another month. My phone beeps with a notification on my chest and I grab it to see who it is. It's Tazwar. I jump and sit straight on my bed as my fingers fiddle with the password and unlock it.
[Hi] that's all he texted. What was I expecting though? I am tired of the same old hellos and how are you's. We really don't have a decent and sane conversation ever. Well, that's because of him. Every time I try to talk about something normal, simple nice, or maybe just friendly conversation he always turns the road to sexual things. I remember once texting "uh-uh" agreeing on something, he compared it to moaning made during sex. He even sent the link to a video that I never watched because of decency, duh! I text him a hello instead. Even amidst t, I walk to my piano keyboard I brought last month with my pocket money and play some music. I sing "Rewrite the Stars" by Anne-Marie and James Arthur.
"You think it's easy
You think I don't wanna run to you
But there are mountains
And there are doors that we can't walkthrough
I know you're wondering why because we're able to be
Just you and me within these walls
But when we go outside, you're gonna wake up and see
That it was hopeless after all
I face the window and stare back in the window of the apartment front. I sometimes wonder what If a cute neighbor stayed here. Like a hotshot willing to be my boyfriend. A piece of a moon-worthy person? Our window faces the window of the front apartment which is still under construction but it's nearly finished now. I am expecting a new neighbor very soon. At least another girl like me so we could be besties or something?
"No one can rewrite the stars
How can you say you'll be mine?
Everything keeps us apart
And I'm not the one you were meant to find
It's not up to you
It's not up to me
When everyone tells us what we can be
How can we rewrite the stars?
Say that the world can be ours
Tonight" a voice sings out of nowhere. I turn back to find no one standing. I look to my left and right but still no one. Who is singing? That smooth raspy voice is so soothing. Who is dueting with me like that? Could it be from the front apartment…No, it's not possible it's still empty, no one there. Maybe a ghost? Let's peek in there, nothing is wrong with it, right? I pull my curtains further to the side and try to peek inside. It's dark and empty. It's pitch black and I see nobody. I want to know who that person is. I sing the next lyrics and a voice takes in the rhythm with me. Our voices emerge together into a beautiful melody and my desire to know that person behind the voice grows impatient. I walk out of the room and take slow steps to the main door. I open the door and walk out feebly with my mobile flash on, looks like the bulb outside burst once again! I walk a few steps closer to the apartment, the door is open but I see nobody and I am scared to go any further in case a ghost really does exist. I am nowhere interested to get possessed. I keep on singing and that voice sings with me now more clear and louder. Ahhh, who's he? I move my flashlight side to side to get a better look at the house but nothing. Only the voice seems nearer and clearer. Walk out, stranger!
"Hello, is anybody there?" I ask feebly. No answer. Alright, this is scary, I should probably go back. It could be a spirit, a jinn? No, I don't wanna be possessed. I turn back to go outside when my leg fumbles on a stone and I slip but I don't land on the uneven or rough ground. Instead, I land on something softer like leather and my body meets a familiar warmth. I open my eyes slowly that I had clenched close tightly expecting a fall and see what I cannot believe. Is fate playing a trick on me?