I get out of the tub after my fingers pruned and dried off. I drop my towel and walk to my closet stopping briefly to grab a pair of underwear and a bra. In my closet I grab a pair of skinny jeans and an innocent looking shirt to try and convince my family that I'm okay. I really don't want them to say anything about Ryan though. I wasn't sure how I would react to be honest.
I dried my hair part way with my blow dryer and smiled at the memory of him doing that for me for the party. I look at my phone to check for any on the way texts and the time when the doorbell rings. I smile briefly because I've always been one to finish getting ready right at the last second. I stop in front of the door and breathe deeply to steel myself against the onslaught of questions I am going to get and more than likely the attacks against Ryan.
I smile, hopefully naturally and not tiredly, as my parents and friend walk through the hall to get to the kitchen and living room. I shut the door but don't lock it behind me in case things go south so they can leave quickly.
Mackenzie comes up behind me and touches my shoulder and I turn quickly around. "Do you not lock your door?" I didn't jump because I heard her coming and honestly she was the one I expected to come see me before my parents.
"Not with ya'll here. By myself I do all the time." I said telling half the truth. I may lock my doors but my windows don't get locked. Especially now that Ryan likes to come over unexpectedly.
"I've missed you. I know it's been rough lately but I'm glad you're letting your family and I come over and hang out with you for a little bit." Mac put some emphasis on family. She knows she is always welcome but my mom is not always welcome because she is so overbearing.
"Ya'll promised food. What can I say?" I chuckle. I felt like myself with Makenzie and Ryan but not my family. I felt like i had to pretend to be somebody they liked and I hated it. I felt suffocated.
"Are you ready for your parents and the constant questions? You know it's going to be a barrage." Mack asks looking at me questioningly. I think what she meant to say is that I know it's going to be an interrogation.
"As ready as I'll ever be. I'm better now that I have you here to help veer things away from sensitive subjects." I give her a pointed look and she nods. She hugs me tightly and we head towards the kitchen where my parents are more than likely making a mess. Everything goes smoothly and no hard questions were asked during dinner. After dinner is when the questions start and I knew eventually questions about Ryan were going to come up.
"So how has the therapist been honey?" My Mom asks while taking a sip of her wine. I nod thinking about all the sarcastic ways I could answer that question.
"Pretty good. She's really been helping me." I say honestly. I don't have to tell her every detail of what we talk about. Its called patient confidentiality for a reason.
"Good." My mother says and my father smile beams from next to her. "Well, what has she said? Anything we should be worried about?" Of course she would ask if there is anything that they need to be worried about.
"No. She thinks I need to talk to someone about what happened to me and I'll get over it. Maybe help me understand why he let me go without killing me." I say. Part of it is true but it's mainly bullshit to get my mom off my back.
"That's good. When are you seeing her again?"
"Tomorrow. I've been seeing her everyday this week so I can understand why and get my act together."
"Have you been going to work?" My father asks. He sits forward in the chair like he does after he has read the jurys' decision.
"The jury has found you guilty of murder in the first degree. You're bail has been set at one point two million dollars." My father sat back to grab his gavel and hit the judges table signaling the end of the preliminary trial.
"Hey Dad have you ever noticed that when you talk to me and when you're delivering a sentence you lean forward the exact same way." I asked rather bluntly pulling myself back to reality.
"I do?" He sits back and folds his hands on his stomach.
"Yeah. It makes me feel like I'm a defendant you're about to sentence." And that I'm found guilty for loving a criminal. I add silently.
"Oh-"
"It makes me wonder if I was ever on that stand or someone you know was ever on that stand how harsh you would be on them."
"Well, I'd give them a lesser sentence."
"What about if someone I knew was on that stand?" I ask. My heart started beating faster but I kept my face and voice even. I was pushing it and I knew it.
"Well, it depends on if you knew the person well enough to trust them or whether any feelings you had were real."
"Who determines if feelings are real?" Iasked. Now I was starting to get irritated.
"I do." He said nodding his head once. It was final. My father may be a good man but it didn't mean he wouldn't judge Ryan unfairly just because I like him.
I just shake my head and inwardly groan. There goes any notion of telling my father about Ryan being around.
"What has your therapist said about your kidnapper?" My mom butts in. She takes some of the tension away but not by much.
"Nothing really. She thinks there is some stuff that my brain won't let me remember." I think to myself about how I kissed him when I was drunk and how I really want to kiss him again. How I actually just kissed him this morning. I look over to Mackenzie hoping she'll help me out of having to answer anymore questions but she seems to be studying me and I start losing my cool. If anyone was to figure out about Ryan it would be her.
"Oh. Well maybe she can knock some of those memories loose and we can go back to being a real family again." My mother says making me jerk my attention back to her. "If that stupid boy didn't take you in the first place then you would be perfectly okay."
"Oh so because I was tortured that means that we aren't a real family?" I stood up I was so furious. Partly because they were blaming me being so messed up as to why we aren't a real family and the rest because they're being mean about Ryan. "No what's messed up is that you can't be thankful to someone who could have taken the money and killed me but didn't. I haven't figured out why yet but I hope this helps and ya'll are only worried about how fucked up I am!" I yell. I wasn't talking to my father. I was talking to my mother. "I'll make sure this is messed up. Get out of my apartment since we're not a real family."
My mother gasps and stands up. "I only meant that you haven't been the same-"
"I said get out." I looked her in the eyes cutting her off. I watch as she walks out with tears in her eyes along with disbelief.
"Honey, I think you're fine the way you are. It sucks about what happened to you and it's my fault. I love you and so does your mother." He walks out after her and Makenzie is the only one who stays behind to help me clean up.
She cleans up in silence as I stomp off to my room and lay on the bed. After I calmed down enough I walk out to the kitchen to help her and she's casually drinking wine. Only my best friend would know to stay and wait for me to come out. Well her and Ryan, except Ryan wouldn't cause me to blow up on him by making me feel like a burden and being ungrateful. He's never made me blow up but he's made me get drunk.
"So.." Mack starts a takes another sip of the wine. "Want to tell me why you bullshitted your parents and why you're hiding things from me?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I've known you how long and you are more sane today than you were two days ago. How many days have you been to see your therapist now?"
""All week so far, about three days."
"Right and I saw you Monday when you first went to your therapist. So exactly what the hell is going on?"
Exactly like I thought. Mackenzie was going to figure out something was up before anybody else would.