I opened my eyes when a cold sensation is placed on my forehead. My mother is right in front of me, clearly unsatisfied.
"What are you doing Vance? You...you skipped your pills,"
I sat up straight and set aside the cold rag. "Those pills...it made me feel weird. I don't want it anymore," I said. My head still feels like it's splitting apart.
Uld grabbed my wrist, glaring at me as if I am not her son. "Vance, I sacrificed everything for you. I sell myself to some lazy, dying emperor for you. I love you, but why aren't you doing what I told you,"
I pulled my hand away in an attempt to free myself from her grasp. "I don't know what you're trying to do. You're keeping secrets and you make me take these pills ever since. Why can't-," I paused when the pain in my head intensifies.
Uld sighed and handed two capsules of the pill. "These pills are the only way to keep you sane from the pain. Please...take it,".
But I don't want to.
I stared at those white pills. I've been taking these ever since I was 3 years old. I've never questioned them, because like my mother said, if I take those pills it made my headache go away like magic. But Herns' insults rang in my head.
'She's going to slowly notice that you could not match her ideals. You're not her match'
I feel threatened by those words. Because he's right. The pills made him feel weird, sound weird and especially act weird. His body doesn't follow his commands. It's as if he's looking at himself through a third-person perspective. The most unfair thing is, everytime the headache comes, I can only remember certain pieces of memories that it made it difficult for me to question what those pills really are.
But one thing's for sure. Hern's threat gave me a wake-up call.
I don't like to treat Carina like an object, but I won't hand her over to some devil wearing a human skin like Hern.
"Those pills make me different. Right?,"
Uld took my hand and forcefully place the two pills on my palm "You ask too much. You've become different lately. It annoys me that you don't understand my intentions,".
I chuckled. So I was right. Mother prances around saying it's for my sake, but at the end of the day it's still selfish of her not to listen to my opinion. "Ho, I see. You've changed because of Lady Carina. Was it a bad idea to let her be with you after all?,".
Carina? To be taken away from me?
I trembled slightly, at the same time clenching my upper arm, feeling a little chilly. I have to depend on these pills to get rid of the pain when I know it's not just mere painkillers. Mother doesn't explain what the pills are exactly for. And now both mother and Hern is taking Carina away from me?
Why? Why does things never go my way?
Uld smirked. She was right to bring up Carina's name as a bargain chip. "I can always make another plan that can replace Lady Carina. If you don't take those pills, I will dismiss her,".
Now I am just dancing to her tune.
It annoys me, but I have no power. Even if I try to make a scene now, I don't have any influence. I am not close with the emperor and I certainly don't want to cause a burden to Carina.
Uld stood up, ready to leave the room. As she placed her hands on the doorknob, Uld turned behind. "Son, whatever you're feeling right now towards Lady Carina is a mere fleeting thing. Forget it. Your existence does not allow such things," she opened the door as she leaves.
I punched the wall behind me.
Everyone is looking down at me. And the memories I am trying to recall are all just mere insults. Out of all those memories, only Carina is looking at me and smiling as if I was precious to her. What if I take these pills, and my memories with Carina are going to disappear?
"Damn it all," I mumbled.
This can't go on.