I'm tired...
I just caused another stupid misunderstanding..
Anna came over earlier and she directly came here after she got out of her summer job. She's still on her trainee uniform and I felt very happy to see her but also guilty. I asked why she came over and she told me that there's no particular reason. It's just that, I've been acting weird.
We went up to my room and I chuckled to cover my stuttering voice. I can't look at her straight in the eyes.
She laid on my bed saying nothing. So I sat on the floor beside it. I thought it'll be quiet the whole time but she suddenly sat in front of me telling me to look at her. At first I refused but as soon as I realized that if I keep refusing, she'll definitely think something is wrong with me.
So with all my courage, I look at her and tried to smile. But her palm is what my cheek met.
Hard. She slapped me, hard. And said that simple words won't get into me so I should just go and blurt out what's wrong.
How can this be? How can she easily know that something is wrong with me? How can she still treat me so nicely when I'm being so cruel to her? Hurting her and making her suffer?
I broke down and cried the whole time. I told her everything. With her, I can be open. With her, it felt like I'm talking to a mirror who's only listening to me. A shadow that will hug me while I cry. All my thoughts and feelings suddenly overflowed out of me. She sat there only looking at me. And said nothing.
After that, she decided to sleep here. The only thing she told me which is clear to her that she's not really in love with Zian.
Right now she's sleeping that's why I just started writing on you.
She told me talk this out with Zian because he made that kind of lie in the past. She said that Zian never did like her. And her feelings for him was a simple admiration on how Zian feels about me. Saying that it moved her because he's already committed to me before we even started dating.
Tomorrow she'll go straight to work and I'll be leaving home with her but I'll go straight to Zian's house. I don't want to be a such a coward.
Life is short anyway.
Your friend,
TSM