Birds chirping and soft voices reached my ears as I watch people come and go, while a few nurses walked around the hospital's garden below my window. Observing everyone demeanor's as they go, some are high with joy of finally free from this antiseptic and disinfectant-filled place. There are also few that are down as if the world is about to end and their eyes are dripping green with envy to those who are in their cloud nine.
I wonder which side do I belong to. Looking at my hands contemplating whether do I scream from joy or grieve with agony.
The last thing I remember was that talk with that man then the next thing I know is that there is huge throbbing pain in my head and a burning sensation in my heart. When I woke up, I was told that I slipped on the stairs as I about to go upstairs and hit my head badly. I was asleep for almost three days and have been staying here at the hospital.
I don't particularly remember anything that happened before I've woken and things are a bit hazy. I can only guess that my body went into shock the moment I returned to this timeline. Besides the occasional headaches, I can say I'm now perfectly fine, physically that is.
'Don't forget your end of our deal'
His voice lingers in my head like a debt collector eager to suck everything dry.
'You should be thankful that I even approached you'
Clenching and unclenching my hands just to really see that I could feel and move my hands once again. I turn to look at the window on my left, gazing down on people minding their own business. I honestly didn't think he was serious about the things he said, about the deal.
A deal that is unreasonable and stupidly impossible yet here I am. I came back from a future that hasn't come yet.
'Return to your past and fix everything'
A chuckle slips out of my lips at that, time travels or reincarnations are stories you could only find in novels and comics. Who knew I would be doing something I didn't even think could be true in reality?
It still feels surreal and at the thought that I would see and be with people that I've lost, overwhelms every sense of mine. Tears spill all over my face with my heart melting from joy, I pleaded.
"Please, let this be real"
…
It has been a while since I've returned back in time and I've been cooped up for days with this small room. And finally, I'll be discharged today. I was a bit bored and I can't exactly do anything in here. After all, those people will know everything about anything in here. Knowing that returning back in time means not only meeting my precious friends but I'll have to be put back the lens of people I' It is best to do nothing at all but get well as soon as I could.
It's currently our summer break. A perfectly convenient time for me to return and prepare for the spring, where everything will start to bloom. I won't let such tragedy happen again, a tragedy I did to my very own loved ones. This time I'll protect them and their sweet smiles, from that event, from me.
"Cole! Are you there? You sure that you can go back now?" Gabriel waves his hands on my face, trying to get my attention.
"You're staring into nothingness again. You can stay here if you feel odd, there's no need to rush. We're still in our summer break. You've got plenty of time to recover" He continues to fret on me.
Gabriel also called Gab, is an incoming freshman this spring that I've known since my 11th grade as the new kid in the neighborhood. Messy dirty blond hair with a pair of mossy green eyes to capture anyone's heart at a glance. A fair tall height and a heart-stopping smile. A beautiful person from inside and out. He's Gabriel Louis Erickson, the prince of this sorrowful love story.
The prince who is destined to meet and fall in love with a loving princess. But this courageous prince can't even man up to confess to his high school crush. That's right this prince has met his fated love but has yet to claim her heart.
"I feel perfectly fine, Gab. If anything, I am way too ready to go back. It's just that I was just trying to remember why I fell down the stairs." I tried to reason out. Truthfully, I feel that the more I stay here the worse I get. Being constantly checked with eyes waiting for something to report back to their masters alone is enough to make me sicker than ever. And I can't say that, not to Gabriel.
"Why?" He questions with his back facing me, now that's odd.
Why would he ask me why do I want to remember my memories?
"Because I don't remember?" Unsure, I answered. My memories have been slowly clearing up to me but with an exception of the day, I returned. It was just that day alone is all blurry and will always give me pain when I even just think about it. These past few days Gabriel has been visiting and I've been trying to get him to tell me or at least give me clue on what happened that.
"Again? Don't stress yourself about unnecessary things. If you don't remember now, it'll come to you soon when you get better" He reassured, coming to my side and slumping his weight on my back. Like that he brushed me off and will distract me to a completely different subject.
"What are you doing to a patient? Your heavy move" I tried to push him off my back. Keyword: tried. Have you tried pushing someone who is a head taller than you? Who is also crashing your spine while having a mini headache? It's impossible, just watch me struggle.
"You think if I ever got into an accident, will Aya visit me and nurse me or something?" Giving out a shy chuckle and blushing, I made a face to him knowing what he just did. And like the day before, I surrendered and humored him. I can always look for answers once I'm out of here.
"Huh? What do you mean? You want to see Aya in a nurse outfit? How lewd." His face burst in color, eyes widening and he became a stuttering mess. He got it bad.
"Wha –No! Not like that! Jeez, Cole, you know what I mean." Ears turning red he jumped on his toes. Now the weight is finally gone my back won't break, thank you. Scratching his also reddened nape before flailing his arms and continue his murmurs.
"Oh yup, I know. That's what exactly I said." Winking at him, I give him a knowing look. It's kind of refreshing and bitterly nostalgic to see him again act like this. He lost the shine in his eyes and his real smile after that event. He became a sinful lifeless doll who lives by waiting for his clock to time ticking and he became impatient.
"Seriously Cole! That's not it and stop talking about Aya like that" He half screams and half whispers, like a scandalized kid. And then, he sulks like a kid.
"Ok ok, then do tell what you mean then" Laughing at him, I motioned to elaborate his obvious and biased love for her. I thought it would hurt me as much as it hurt before. I thought I hear my heart shatter to pieces and bleed all over again. But I guess not, not anymore.
"Like you know, like how I nursed you" With dreamy eyes, he blushed once again. As sweet and cheesy as that sounds, it alarmed me.
"You think I fell on the freaking stairs to get nursed by you?" I deadpan him, I know what he meant but I won't risk this guy jumping around just to get nursed by Aya. Knowing that's he's a bit of a, dare I say- a simp.
"Eh, no –Of course, I know it was an accident. That's not what I mean. Cole – I" He paled, looking flabbergasted on what I said.
Was I too harsh?
I mean, I don't even know what really happened that day…
"I know, but it's called an accident for a reason. Don't go on trying to parkour around or else. I'll personally break both of your legs and tell Aya how lame you are." I playfully threaten him and ruffle his hair. I went and pick my already packed stuff, making sure I'm good to go. After all, I have a lot of preparation to do as soon as I get back. Time won't wait for anyone.
"But Cole are you sure you feel fine? No more headaches or pain anywhere?" He once again worries and frets. As he looks at me with such gentle eyes and treats me with sweet gestures. I can't help but think;
This is why I was able to manipulate both of you. Both of you which too kind for your own good.
"Gabriel! I said I'm fine, Ok? Now, it would be nice really if you could carry this stuff for me." I smiled reassuringly at him, hoping that he'll stop this useless worrying. He doesn't need to waste such emotion on someone like me.
"Oh, by the way, let's buy something before getting on the bus. I'd like to some coffee." I told him while I get my wallet out, getting ready to pay for my hospital bills. He looked at me with hesitancy in his eyes.
"Uhm, Cole? About that..."
"Hey, Cole! Been good?" Daniel popped out of thin air.
How could I forget that I still need a guardian to take care of my medical bills?! And it just has to be Daniel of all people.
Great, just great.
Daniel is our dorm manager or more like our house landlord in a way. He took care of 'adult' stuff I can't do myself, which I don't get because I'm already past legal age and I do have the money to pay for it. Why must he lie and make poor excuses when I already knew since my first year of college that he was told to watch over me by those people. He drives us back and I didn't get my coffee. And yes, I am quite ungrateful but he wouldn't be doing these if he wasn't told to. I didn't even ask him to do anything for me but they did. And those people shouldn't even bother with me anymore.
After an agonizing hour of Daniel trying to get something even just a small talk from and with me shutting every shot down. It was finally a quiet trip; our trip was soon wafted a little with comfy silence. Soft music plays on the radio, all of us milking the peace we could get knowing that it'll be soon stolen by a bunch of rowdy men. At first, Gab kept on fretting on me the moment Daniel stopped shooting at me but stopped when I said I wish to take a nap.
With nothing but silence around us, I can't help think and think about what I should do to fix my sins. I have a week before the university opens, a week is all I have to piece myself together and face her. A week before everything will truly start.
But How?
How can I go and face everyone? Face her? How can someone like me still meet her, smile, and befriend her as if nothing happened. Well not yet, nothing happened here and nothing will. But the memories of mine, the sole reason why I'm here are shackling me when I haven't started yet. My blood runs cold, I can feel myself tremble. Her face flashes in my mind and with a smile, she mouths my name.
"Cole?" she called out.
I took a deep breath and close my eyes, I held myself in my arms.
"Cole, why?" She questions once, twice. I don't know how many times anymore but I can feel pain, hatred, and everything else.
I'm drowning with nothing; my lungs are numbing by the second. I clenched my hands hard enough to draw blood, hoping the pain will distract me.
"Cole, why? Why?! How could you do that to me!?!"
She screeches as I watch her turn to something she isn't, to a monster-filled with ugly anger.
"Why?! What did I do to you?!"
She continues, as her voice becomes painfully twisted.
"Cole!? How could you? I trusted and believed in you!"
I did that to her. I turned her into a monster. I killed the princess and now, I must pay.
"Why, Cole why!?"
It because like you, I too was a fool for love.
What poor excuse is that…
"Cole! I – "
"Cole! – Are you alright?"
Gab called out, shaking me awake from the nightmare I fell to. Once again, I was saved by you. I took a deep breath, testing if my lungs are working and clear. I must get it together soon, or else everything will be for nothing. I didn't even notice the eyes watching us, filled with curiosity and worry. The family I failed to protect before. Now there they stand, waiting for me.
"Cole, dude you good?!"
"What happened to you?"
"Cole?!"
Crowd started to pile up and surround us, noise swallowed us whole. Sophomores and early freshmen, like Gab, who stayed or just moved in the dorm during the summer break. A time where they should be enjoying their vacation before a new hectic chapter of life starts. Yet, they stayed in our little testosterone-filled zone to try and get ahead in pursuing their dreams. I can't help but smile. I miss these cheeky bastards so much, I guess they'll distract me with rowdiness. I chuckled as I watched these supposed-to-be young adults act more like a bunch of dolts cheering.
"I'm back!"