"First off, I'm not numb brained. I use my brain." She jumped onto a rock behind me, but slipped and slid into the murky water. I paused and turned to that of the empty space she had once stood. Did she just---?
"Ack!" She pushed herself to the surface and clasped onto the rock where I stood. "Oh, my god! It's deep! I'm fucking drowning!"
I latched onto her arm and pulled her too her feet. She shivered as she leaned into me, her breasts hovering against my arm. I sighed and created distance between us. "In the beginning, why would you feign as if you did not know of this place?! As though it were the first time you set eyes on that tree!"
"That was the first time---!"
I turned and lept onto another rock, the unclear water dangerously flowing beneath. "---that you saw a tree that was as massive as an entire forest? It was then, that you first saw this??"
"What? Excuse me sir! Why don't you put yourself in my shoes, huh? I've been running from monsters for days! And that----dog thing----I just ran from it yesterday, so blame me for not knowing what it was!"
She growled and lept onto a rock across from me. "You have no idea what I've been going through!"
I scuffed and glanced towards the village. "That does not explain how only then did you notice that tree, though you have been here for days! Do you lie, or do you tell the truth?!"
"I....I was in shock! How do you expect me to notice that when I'm being chased!? I've been staying in that cave and I came out when I heard something fall----and that something was was you, you ass! "
Ass?!
I pointed to her. "You have intentionally spun me into circles, to distract me from my goal! How dare you defame my name----?!"
***********************************************
"Me??" I just stared at him cause he was obviously dellusional. "I welcomed you into the crib! I introduced you to Dave! What do you mean 'spun you in circles'?! You would have gotten attacked by something if I hadn't saved you!"
"You are dellusional."
"Pffh." I rolled my eyes. "I was thinking the same thing----but a hundred times over."
He paused and turned to me, his jaw flaring. "You are dim-witted, feebleminded, and unsightly. Leave me be!"
My mouth dropped wide open as I blinked, not sure if my ears just heard what they heard. Where did that come from?! I didn't even deserve that! His....his midieval ass just called me dimw-whitted?? Unsightly? Ex-cuse, bitch!?
I could feel my eyes involuntarily twitch as I prepared my rebutal. "Well. Your a Harry Potter and the Stank Ass looking twit. Repugnant, distasteful, deceitful, an ass-hole! You single-minded, inordinately mean peice of shit! Screw you!"
He stared at me, his eyes saucers. I scuffed. Bet you weren't expecting that. Not used to the crossfires, are we?
"You---!"
I squinted. "I what?"
We both stood there, having not moved from our spots. His hands were clinched as he glared at me. But I glared right back, wishing that maybe, perhaps---possibly he could fall in. Or maybe I could just wake up from this awful dream. I really wanted to leave this place....and him. To think that I went through all that trouble trying to help him out when he was a dick all along-----!
In one swift movement, he reached a leg over and kicked me in the back. I cursed as I tumbled into the cold, shrilling water.
Oh my god! Oh my---!
I pushed myself to the surface and grabbed onto the rock and turned to glare at him. He wasn't smiling, but he was brushing his hands off like he was satisfied with his work.
"Oh, we're just getting started!" I anchored myself, and used the rock I was on to push off to him. Without even thinking about it, I climbed onto the rock and wrapped my arm around his neck. He tried to evade it---but too late, we were already falling into the water.
I let go of him and swam to the surface, scrambling to climb on the rock before he had the chance to grab me. I screamed and gripped onto the edges of the rock when I felt something grab onto my waist.
"Ahhh!" I kicked forward and tried to pull myself onto the rock. He was trying to drown me! Flipping myself over, I scrambled back. I was going to throw hands! I was going to throw feet!
He pulled himself from the water and flopped on top of me. Oh my god! What was he doing! I had nowhere to go....!
I watched as he stared down at me, an array of emotions crossing his face. He moved to pull himself completely out of the water. He was silent, except for a few coughs as he tried to get the water out of his lungs. I...I didn't know what to say. He seemed angry, surprised, spiteful and in pain all at once.....which he totally deserved....kind of. Except for maybe...the scratches. And the limp. But everything else? One hundred percent.
I gave him the side eye and tried to sit up, but he wouldn't move. "....excuse me."
He lifted my leg out of the water and pushed it onto the rock.
"Aye! Aye! What are you doing?!" I pushed myself up and squinted at him. "You pushed me in, so I pushed you in. Is that not fair?"
He leaned away and scowled before glancing at the water. "There's----"
Pff. That's what I thought. "Don't get any ideas."
He looked down at me. "What?"
"I will knee you in your balls." I looked him in the eye and nodded. "I will. So don't touch me and don't test me."
He was now scawling to the max. "There is a water beast. It is over there."
I turned my head to see a scaly...thing rise in and out the water only a few feet away. ".....oh."
He snorted, "Do you care to join it?"
He looked like he really meant that.
I held up my hands. "I...I can't. I'm a messenger from Apollo, you know? Just can't."
He raised an eyebrow like that was the most unbelievable thing in the world. "You? One would think you were from Hades himself."
"It's Apollo's orders." I blinked up at him and smiled. "So....can't feed me to the serpant. Sorry for your loss."
*****************************************
A servant of Apollo, was she? I was almost certain he would never have his servants devoured by a serpant. Was this really my guide? For all I knew, she could be lying.
I glanced towards her, noting that she was suddenly silent. She was momentarily observing me, but frowned and looked away. Ah. A chink in her armor.
I reached towards her and grasped a figment from the air, holding my closed fist towards her.
She blinked. "What? Is it a bug?"
"Your." I opened my palm to reveal nothing but open space. "Sex appeal."
Her mouth fell open as she struggled to find words. "....I----you----you---"
...
"Excuse me---?!"
"Shhh." I glanced over my shoulder in effort to withhold my laughter. The beast was probably farther away now. It did not have much interest in us in the forthmost. 'twas a safe distance for us to escape. "The beast is gone. Let us go."
"What?" She crossed her arms and glanced away. "I'm---I'm not going. Your rude."
I shrugged. "Then I will go alone."
She sat up and brushed herself off. "I'm a servant of Apollo, remember? You kind of need me, so....."
I squinted at her with an underlying feeling of self satisfaction. "Well, lead the way."