"March 19,
I fell in love with someone I've never met. That makes my world a lie. I feel like I can't trust anyone, and it turns out....I can't trust my feelings or my own version of reality either."
Damn. I stopped reading, too afraid to continue.
I curled up on the bed and brought the old, scruffy, brown blanket I had gotten for Christmas to my chest. I was reading a diary entry I had made almost a year ago. I was ninteen then and moved out of Josh's house----it was one of the best decisions I had ever done.
I had made a lot of diary entrances before then. About how I hated my life. And how I loved Josh and how he said he would change. Reading back on them, they just make me cringe. But this one, it was different. It was so....detailed and profound. I honestly found it hard to believe I wrote this----given the mental state I was in last year. But I had to have written it, I mean...it was my hand writing after that. There was a lot of self evaluation that followed Josh. Surprisingly...some of this stuff, I still feel the same way about till this day.
Sighing, I reached over to the box of Valentine's chocolates on my bed. I had opened it like, ten minutes ago and it was already half empty. I remember being so estatic when Josh remembered to get me something for Valentine's Day----I mean, I always got him shit, but he was always working, or didn't have any money or was just not feeling good that day. What a load of bullshit.
But I felt like I should keep this at least----this diary entry. I mean, I might not feel the same about this a year from now. Maybe I can look back on it and gain some kind of understanding.
I considered just keeping the diary, but honestly, it was filled with a lot of things about my past self that I wasn't proud of. The anger, the lashing out----mainly the anger.
I glanced down at the countless diaries and mangas I had made over the years. I just wanted to throw them all out. They didn't represent who I was anymore. But for some reason, I couldn't.
I blew out a breath and ripped out the page from the diary and folded it into a neat square. I mean it was seperate anyways, it didn't really fit with the rest of the stuff anyways.
I could deal with the rest of this stuff later, I had to finish my Humanities essay. It was supposed to be due at midnight. And I had barely gotten all the research together. I'm like...the procastanation queen. Somebody crown me.
I picked a dark piece of chocolate with swirls ingraved on the sides and bit into it. Ooo...there was caramel in the middle. Fucking yes.
Suddenly I heard a knock on the door. Pausing in mid bite, I glanced toward the other side of the room, waited, and then continued eating the chocolate. Man, I really have to stop procasta----
The knock sounded again, and then again, and then three more times. Cautiously, I got off the bed and made my way towards the door. Who the hell was at my door at ten a clock at night? Whoever it was...it must have not been good. Did they...know I lived alone?
I peeped through the peephole and saw a middle aged man in his boxers, house shoes and house coat. He was Indian and had dark hair that pointing in every direction on his head. East, West, South, North? You name it, and he's got it. He was pacing around nervously and cursing under his breath. He looked up and knocked again.
"Baani. Please open the door."
I blinked. Oh. It was Daniel. My mom's research partner....but why was he here? How did he know where I lived....??
"Um. Hey....Daniel." I looked around confused, as if maybe my room would give me some kind of clue. "Why are you here?"
"Baani!" He looked into the peephole. "Chanda! I need the files you're mom gave you. I need the files!"
Um....I was so confused, but I was not opening the door to a guy I barely knew.
"What files?"
"FUCK!" He ran a hand through his hand and glanced around. "I gotta go. But get rid of them. Destroy them, you hear me??"
And with that, he was gone.
I slowly backed away from the door and turned to run over to the shelf with all the papers. I rummaged through the papers fiercely and grabbed a plain yellow folder. Cursing under my breath, I glanced at the door before flipping through the pages.
Test subject A: Failed, does not respond to name, strange noises in the dark, probably is suffering from depression
What the hell?
It was saying "test subject this" and "test subject that" but then I paused on a image

Under the image it read:
Species: Unknown
Gender: Unkown
Weight: 350 Ibs
Height: 7 ft
Origin: Unknown
Intelligence: Unknown
Dangerous: Yes
Blood type: unknown
Whaaatt? Of course that bitch is dangerous. It had literal shards coming out it's back. And also....what was this thing? Why'd it look like the man with an octupus beard from Pirates of the Carribean? Imma say this for every person who has ever seen this creature....what is this tree-branch looking dude? He looked like someone inturrupted his nap and now he has a headache so he finna kill a bitch. Liikeee.....whaaaat?
I flipped to the back of the folder and noticed a bunch of people's profiles. It was people of all ages, genders and countries. And then I stopped when I saw my sister, Anika. And then my other sister, Prisha. And lastly, it was me....Baania. It had a bunch of invasive information about us. Like where we lived, where we went to school who our spouses were, and even our blood types.
I scanned over my profile and noticed that my weight read '190'.
Ay....nah this ain't right. I lost half a pound last month, thank you very much. 190? I think not. Try 189.5.
Wait....how would they know how much I wieghed anyways?? Da fuq? The last time I went to the doctor was three months ago and I know I sure as hell don't weigh the same as I did then. What did I do, step on a random scale on the sidewalk? How do they know this?
I shut the folder, remembering Daniel's words. I sure as fuck wasn't burning this shit. Mom had a lot of answers to cough up. It was too late to call Anika and Prisha, but I sure as hell was doing it first thing tomorrow morning. Anika's wife, Davida was gonna flipppp! I had so much tea.
I grabbed the one chair I owned and hurried over to the bathroom. Shaking my head, I lifted up one of the tiles on the ceiling and slid the folder in, before putting the tile back in it's spot.
But really.
I glanced at myself in the mirror, unshaven legs and all as I balanced on the chair, hoping it didn't fold in like last time.
What was that monster thing?
I titled my head and looked at my reflection. Of course she had nothing to say back, she was just confused as shit.
Welp. Mom was probably making a 3d image of some newly found dinosaur or something. I'm sure it was nothing. But....our profiles... that was a little weird.
Yawning, I jumped off the chair and made my way over to my messy bed. Yeah....that essay might have to wait until tomorrow.
And before I knew it, I was asleep.
Riinngg! Riiingg!
I jolted awake and glanced at the folded up paper crumbled over in my hand. Blinking, I shoved the paper into the pocket of my basketball shorts and reached over blindly for the phone.
Whaa....the helll....
"Hello?"
.....
"This...you must have the wrong---"
"Hello." The man inturrupted. "Does a Baani Patel live here?"