The pain you give, is the reward you get when you least expected.
©Humeyra
Hamdan's p.o.v
Sidra, I know close to nothing about you but I would like to know you better. I also don't know how you look but it doesn't matter. Am interested in you. I admire your gait, shyness and your akhlaq.I paused. She was listening to me with her eyes on the ground. Sub hanallah.I was an armored by her. To tell you the truth, you remind me so much of a lady I love and who is dearest to my heart. She is my first love and I thought she would be my last. Am sorry for telling you about my first love but I have to since she is all I ever think of whenever I am not with you. You see, I had hurt her beyond redemption and even if I wanted to ask for forgiveness I really don't know whether she is still alive and where I should start looking for her. I suddenly felt nostalgic to an extent it was hard to continue. Am sorry, I should be telling you about me and not my first love.
I cleared my throat and continued. I am the first born in a family of six children. Currently, 24years of age and an engineer by profession. My mother is my Janna and my father my world. My younger sisters are 12 and 18 years of age, yusra and yalina.My brothers are Bilal, zuneir and Abdurrahman; 22, 20 and 14years of age. Abu is an ulamaa and ummi is a gynocologist.Among my siblings am closest to yalina.She is my best friend and partner in crime. Talking about my siblings and yalina specifically made me smile. I really miss my baby sisters and brothers. I stopped talking and looked up at her. She looked surprised by the way her eyes shot up when I mentioned my mother's occupation. It was the first time I saw her eyes up close. Beautiful won't do justice to how her eyes looked. I remember reading somewhere that the eyes were the mirrors to the soul. The eyes certainly are windows to the soul, and if you know anything about eyes or windows, you know they come in many different tints and colors! Hers were breathtaking. The brightest shades of onyx I have ever seen, and in them I could see a lot of emotions, the most prominent being surprise and love. I felt my throat dry instantly and swallowed hard. what are you doing ya Hamdan, lower your gaze man, the faithful part of my brain screemed.On the other hand, another part of me wanted to see her face so badly.Alhandulillah, I didn't have the strength to resist looking at her but lucky for me she lowered her gaze making me land back on earth. The few minutes that I gazed into her eyes reminded me of an Arabic poem that goes; (joy conquered me to the point of which it made me happy that I cried. OH eyes, the tear out of you became a principle. You cry out of joy and out of sadness.) I took a long breath which I didn't realize I needed until this moment. Subhanallah. I was lost in thoughts when I heard her speak.
"You know your ummi sounds like an awesome lady. You are lucky to have her and a beautiful family no doubt". I had a feeling that I know her voice from somewhere but I couldn't place it.In her voice, I heard pain and sincerity which I didn't know the origin but I decided to ask about her for the time being. Thank you sidra. Do you mind telling me about your family and yourself? I heard a gasp coming from her. I didn't know why that question made her sad. Tell me Humeyra. Oh sorry, sidra. I had no idea why I called her Humeyra but she reminds me so much of her. Her postures, movements and even how she gasps. Not forgetting her reaction whenever she felt scared. Though I haven't seen her face yet, her mannerisms resemble Humeyra's. The only major difference is that Humeyra never wore a Niqab and neither was she a certified mufti. In addition to that Humeyra's eyes were a light shade of brown which could easily make one lose themselves in her beautiful orbs. I patiently waited to hear from Sidra a little bit about her and her family. At this rate I don't know who my Qadr lies with but I do know how much the two ladies meant to me. As for Humeyra, I can always be her teacher and help improve her knowledge. She would be my first Queen. Sidra can also join as our teacher and I would be one happy man.I have always been a one woman man but I seem to find it really hard not to love them both. At least I know Humeyra's vices and can live with that. As for sidra, I am about to find out. I sincerely hope that Sidra would be part of my life in one way or another. Either as a spouse or as a Muslim sister.
As sidra took her precious time before answering, I was transported 3 years back in to my memory. I was walking around the city at night with Humeyra walking beside me. The sky was decorated with stars and the brightness of the full moon fell on Humeyra's face making her look like an elegant angel as she innocently licked on her ice cream corn. She had the widest smile on her face as she watched the sky earnestly with each step she took. We found a bench and sat down on the bench. Silence filled the night but it was a comfortable and welcomed silence. I kept looking at Humeyra wondering about her family background. If I had known my question would change the mode that night, I would have avoided asking the Question but it was too late as I had already asked Humeyra about her family.
No sooner had I asked my question had Humeyra's unfinished ice cream corn fell from her shaking hand. She tried to hide her tears which were threatening to fall but I saw them before she put on a fake smile and answered: my family is my world.