It should be a normal day. As always, I have not been run over yet. As always, I feel the cold touch of death on my shoulders.
School beckons at me in grey. Today, it should be different.
"HEY GUYS! SKSKSK! Oh, I don't even know you yet! Wow! Such pretty hair!"
She grins at me outrageously widely with her perfect straight teeth. I am dazzled by her enamel. Clearly polished with Mr. Clean (No Product Placement lol).
"I hate you. You're one of those foolish Mary Sues who put three kilos of makeup on their faces. Get away from me, you female ogre! Hide yourself and your hydro flask!!!11!!!1", I scream at this glittering creature.
"No offense, gurl. See u later, alligator!"
She stretches out her tongue and then walks towards the school building.
I feel wrath burning inside me like a spicy Mexican burrito, but one day after eating. I hate her so much, I can't even put it into words for you (Hello reader UwU).
I almost puked on another ugly stupid dog walking past me.
Manuel stares at this Mary Sue, drooling, truly, like a role model for subhumans. My Mexican breakfast almost flooded down his head.
"Dang, wowie. Hehe, she's mine.", says the nincompoop and turns to me.
"I. Am. Not. Interested. In. Your. Mental. Rubbish. You. Ogre. Son. Of. A. Pig. Mother."
"Wut?"
He really seems to ponder. I wonder what part of my insult he couldn't understand.
"Coo. Your mother is an ogre!"
My heart burns. I don't know why.
The sight of Manuel's half-open eyes and his still gaping mouth seems to cause atherosclerosis.
A fly flies out of his mouth as my heart jumps out of my chest and finally falls into his mouth. Of course, only in a figurative sense... or how do you say it?
I think I am in love. Oh, Julius Plato S. Since you left, I feel emptiness inside me that can only be filled with love like I'm going to fill the toilet with Mexican food. Manuel, Manuel! Save me and my heart!
Emo Ute rushes towards me.
"Kaithleen, you've been standing in front of that dog pile for five minutes. You've stared at it enough already."
"Shut up, Not-So-Foolish-One! My heart has been broken."
Emo Ute starts to cry with me.
"Ohhh nooo..."
"Yes, Ute, there is an Over in Lover. And a 'he' in 'She believed.'"
Manuel scares me from behind.
"Sbeve!"
Now he screwed up, but not as much as I did because I lost my heart to a mere pillock. I hate my life.
The first lesson doesn't go the way I would have liked it to. I could not stop looking at Manuel. With every "hehe" from him, I could feel my face burning.
However, life is playing against me. Manuel loves that VSCO chick.
I cry softly, nobody hears me. Not even you, Manuel. Idiot.
Mrs. Tomie welcomes me with a broad grin. I think in reality, she is deeply depressed and tries to make sure that nobody else is as badly off as she is by smothering people with her warm words and gestures.
But-
"O, CHrIsTmAs TrEeEeEEEE!"
She absolutely cannot…
I scream to drown out her horrible singing. It's futile. She continues singing,
"YoUr LeAvEs ArE sO UnChAnGiNg."
I imagined death less cruel.
Oh, Manuel! He sees how much I suffer and yet he doesn't care. The VSCO girl laughs and helps her out with the singing.
I look at Emo Ute with tears rolling down my face and whisper,
"Black roses on the grave."
She nods.
Emo Ute takes out her broom, a black one which she decorated with rose thorns. Then, tragedy ensues.
"GGGDKYÖAAP ARGOETHE BLITZ!"
She hurls herself with full force onto the teacher's desk, destroying it in the process. Whether this was due to her fat body or the rotten table leg will certainly appear in an episode of X-Factor.
Mrs. Tomie's lament finally comes to an end, but Emo Ute does not stop. She freaks out like a wild bull and rams the withered broom head into Mrs. Tomie's ugly minger. I could have sworn two of Tomie's teeth were flinged across the room and that Ute then greedily collected her lost blood in a jar for her next vampire youth meeting.
Manuel is still staring at this ugly sunshine and… Oh no!!!
"Sksksks, who are you?"
NO!!!
"Maaaaanuuuuuuuuuulllleee."
DID HE JUST FORGET HIS OWN NAME?!
"Um, nice... bottle?"
"And I ooop, that's a Hydro Flask! Save the turtles!"
I can't go on. I just can't go on. I fall over - in vain. I get caught on VSCO's hydro flask and drag it down with me.
"NOOOO THAT WAS FOR ZE TOADS!!!" Manuel shouts.
No!!!1! The whole content tips over me. I splash in the pseudo-scientific hydrogenating liquid and become a fish.
Ute finally rescues me and I wave to the class. I have the bad feeling that something exciting will happen next time...