Asuma's hand had barely dropped before Kakashi had closed the distance, engaging Iruka in hand-to-hand from the get-go. The teacher looked to be hard pressed as Kakashi threw punch after kick after backhand, snapping them out at speeds that normal people would barely be able to follow.
What this meant, of course, was that he was still far too drunk to move at full speed. 'Either that or he's just not taking me seriously.' Iruka mused as he managed to land a punch to the Hatake's blind side, just below the hitae-ate slung over one eye.
Kakashi stumbled back, surprised, as Iruka took up a better stance, pulling up groundwater with his Daikouzui to try and catch his opponent off-guard. Kakashi flipped backwards, landing horizontally on a training post as he moved the metal and cloth covering upwards, revealing a closed eye with a deep-set scar.
"You're definitely better than I expected," he commented, Iruka taking offence to the implied insult. "But it looks like I might have to take you seriously after all..." he continued, in a cold voice, eye opening to reveal the three tomoe of the sharingan.
Iruka flinched, before smirking and pulling his own hitae-ate down to cover his eyes. "I have to say, if that little display is the limit of your skill, your reputation is greatly exaggerated," he commented snarkily, trying to provoke the man into making a mistake. "I won't even need to see to see you to do this."
"I know what you're doing, Umino. You think you're the first to try this kind of thing?" Kakashi accused, running through hand seals. " I suppose I do owe you for helping with this one. Suiton: Suiryuudan!" he called, as the water around them coalesced into a dragon, flying at Iruka at high speed.
Iruka simply smirked and jumped into the air as it approached. "Zabuza was just as good at this as you, and he was sober when we fought," he piped up, now running along the back of the dragon as its head continued after him. "Plus, I'd bet you're not entirely in control of it." he smiled as he began chasing after Kakashi, the dragon exploding against the wooden posts. Iruka sliced through the head of an earth dragon with a sparking kunai, before Kakashi suddenly appeared behind him with a Shunshin, the ground molding aroud the Umino's ankles to pin him in place.
"Well then, Iruka-sensei," he drawled. "I think it's time you were taught a few lessons. Lesson one; Taijutsu. Sennen Goroshi!" he cried, jabbing two fingers directly at Iruka's... well, it was a cheap shot. Fortunately for the brown-haired shinobi, a blast of water struck Kakashi in the back of the head to disrupt his attack before it hit.
"Mizuryu. The basics can really come in handy at times," Iruka grunted, breaking free of the capture technique. "Now, about that technique..." he began, before sighing and simply punching a sputtering Kakashi in the gut, just below the flak jacket. His opponent's eyes bulged comically, thought the overall effect was a little creepy due to them not matching.
"Anyway, you shouldn't try any humiliating techniques without being absolutely sure they'll hit- are you okay?" Iruka asked, as the taller man dry-heaved on the ground. A retching noise erupted from the man, who turned away from the rest of the crowd to vomit.
"...oh Log... Huurrkkk!... oh, it just goes straight through the mask!..." he managed to spit before vanishing in a burst of electricity. Iruka blinked behind his hitae-ate. 'That had to be a clone, which means- oh, crap.' he thought, quickly sidestepping a barrage of kunai as the real Kakashi burst from the crowd, dropping the Henge he'd used.
"You still haven't tried anything special, Umino," he accused. "Or is running like a madman all you're capable of?" he taunted, before biting his thumb and slamming it against the ground through the last few centimetres of water. "Lesson two; Ninjutsu. Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" he called, a pack of dogs wearing blue vests and hitae-ate appearing around him.
"...Kakashi, we've talked about drunk-summoning." the smallest of the, a pug, complained even as the rest of the pack charged at Iruka, who was forced onto the defensive. The scarred jounin made a hand seal and held it for a few moments. His movements became more fluid, the attacks passing by him no matter how hard the dogs pressed their offensive. He snapped a high kick at one of them as he pressed his hands against the surface of the water.
"Again, you need to consider the basics before you attack like that. Raihadou!" he cried, taking out four of the dogs, before snapping out at the ones who had jumped to evade. All of them erupted in clouds of smoke, dismissed by the injuries. "Anything else?" he asked rhetorically, groaning as images began forming in front of him. "I suppose I can guess what the third lesson is."
Kakashi nodded, as the image of a tree binding him formed around Iruka. "Lesson three; Genjutsu. Magen: Jubaku Satsu. Do you want to surrender?" he asked, arms folded as he approached the apparently frozen Iruka. He tossed a kunai lazily from one hand to another. "You'd need to be a genjutsu expert to break that-" he tried to say, bending down to Iruka's level, before the shorter man headbutted him in the face.
"I don't need to break it. I know not to trust my eyes. I can still fight." Iruka grunted, getting as close as possible and throwing strikes at random, keeping even the Copy Ninja wondering what he had planned. "By the way, you forgot the most important part of fighting as a shinobi. The Zeroth law of ninja."
"Cheat like a bastard." he announced cheerily, making a hand seal with his right hand as his left grabbed Kakashi's flak jacket. "Kekkaijutsu: Tojikome!" he cried, rings of archaic symbols appearing on the ground around the two combatants. Kakashi raised a hand and came to an invisible wall separating them.
"What did that achieve? Now we're both trapped." he asked, exasperated. It was incredibly aggravating to sober up in the middle of a fight, only to realise you'd had no control over it thus far. Iruka just chuckled good-naturedly, though his grin caused the ANBU members watching to flinch, having seen the same expression on a certain blond's face many times before. He bent down next to the barrier as he explained.
"That's true, but I have a much bigger area to work with than you do. Not to mention that even if you overload the field, it'll take up pretty much all of your chakra. Also, I've been teaching Naruto the basics of sealing. I promised I'd test his explosive tags for him." Iruka smiled placidly as more than one of the observers paled and/or screamed internally at the thoughts of Naruto making explosive tags.
"Y-you're bluffing." Kakashi tried, hoping that he was correct. While he cared for Naruto, the idea of someone that impatient trying to use the delicate art of sealing was... worrying, even if he was genetically predisposed to it. Iruka shrugged, placing a seal on the ground and taking several steps back.
"We'll find out soon. Katsu!" he cried, the tag shooting a few sparks before collapsing in on itself. "Well... number one was a failure, let's see about the rest of them."
"Hey, Iruka, what the hell are you playing at?" Asuma yelled, having been caught in the outermost barriers. "Are you seriously willing to blow us all up to prove a point?"
"Some things need to be said. Now, Kakashi, for every question you refuse to answer or lie about, I'm going to set up another tag. First question: Why do you hate me?" The trapped man stood in silence, glancing over at the crowd, who attempted to look inconspicuous. "Come on, you can try and kick my ass in front of them but you can't handle a few questions?"
"... I was supposed to be the jounin-sensei for Team Seven," Kakashi offered dejectedly. "My reasons for it are personal, but I bet you have some idea why." Iruka nodded sagely, knowing the story of Uchiha Obito's untimely death.
"Okay, then. Second question: What would you have done with them by now?" Everyone present blinked. The interrogation was taking a strange turn. Kakashi stared, pulling the hitae-ate back over his eye.
"I don't- teamwork drills? Probably tree walking, maybe work on their taijutsu. Why?" he asked, completely bewildered. Iruka sat down, looking completely relaxed.
"Because they're learning faster than I can teach. They've all got a unique style, and I've only been able to hammer out some of the more obvious problems. I was actually going to see about finding some tutors for them, if you're interested."
"Are you... are you serious?" Kakashi whispered, as Iruka sighed and rubbed the back of his head.
"Well, we need to get this spar over and done with before we talk about any of that, and the kids'd never let me live it down if I just surrendered, so..." he prompted, grinning at the annoyed Kakashi.
"So you want me to give up." It wasn't a question. Kakashi's visible eye twitched.
"If you wouldn't mind." Oh, the teacher was enjoying this far too much. Kakashi grunted. At least he could use the unstable seal as an excuse.
"Fine, just drop the damned barrier and be done with it." he muttered through gritted teeth. Iruka made a hand seal and the symbols on the ground vanished, pushing himself to his feet. He offered a hand to his taller opponent, who took it after a few moments.
"One thing. If you don't work with all three instead of just Sasuke I'll-" "What, kill me?"
Iruka just continued grinning. "I'll give Naruto your address and tell him to practice sealing." Shit, but that was a scary prospect. Kakashi nodded in assent as betting slips began flying around between them, Asuma calling the match in Iruka's favour.
"Fine then. We'll be meeting at training ground Twelve at eight. And Kakashi?" Iruka called as he walked away. "Don't be late."
A silence fell over the clearing as Kakashi vanished in a Shunshin.
"So nobody had money on Umino?" Anko called, before someone tapped her on the shoulder and handed her a slip. Anko gulped audibly as she stared at the masked face of Momochi Zabuza.
"I believe that with 20-to-1 odds, I'll be taking most of that off your hands," he grunted, as he presented his papers... enthusiastically, into the face of an overeager ANBU. "Word of advice: always bet on crazy." he continued, sealing his winnings into a scroll and strolling away.
"That was Zabuza, Demon of Kirigakure... Asuma, what the fuck happened in Nami?"
OoOoO
Itachi opened his eyes, staring at the blurred room around him. A familiar white-haired figure sat beside him, expression stormy. "You've been out for quite some time. Had to put in a drip before you starved or whatever else happens. I don't know, I'm no medic."
Itachi tried to speak, voice croaking from lack of use. "How... long...?"
"About two weeks, kid. Take it easy, 'cause when you're up to it, I've got lots of questions for you. I've got it arranged to send a messenger hawk to Konoha with your letter." Jiraiya said, with an unusual cold tone entering his voice as he handed the Uchiha a glass of water. Itachi had to swallow more than half of it before his throat stopped feeling too raw to speak.
"I assume the surgery was a success?" he asked, getting a 'kind of' gesture from the older man. "Where are we?" he continued, trying to call up the sharingan.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Tsu-hime nearly had to turn your chakra network inside out to try and clear your lungs. No excessive chakra use for at least a month. Doctor's orders," Jiraiya continued. "To answer your other question, we're with one of my contacts in Ishi no Kuni. I figured after being gone for so long you'd want to see how your friends were getting on. My turn. What do you know about Konan and Nagato?"
Itachi flinched despite himself at the suppressed anger in the normally cheery man's voice. He began explaining what little he'd observed of Konan and Pein, hoping that his allies were not having as rough a time.
OoOoO
"So bored..." groaned a feminine-looking blond shinobi as he stood with binoculars in hand. A masked nin in a trenchcoat smacked him over the back of the head.
"We're waiting for our target here to have a better chance for an ambush. I'll be damned if we lose it because of you being 'bored'." Deba scolded as Deidara clutched his head, making a big deal of the pain.
"But we don't even know if he's going this way! What if he goes through Ame instead of here, to keep out of Suna?" Deidara whined, eager to get moving again. Deba flicked a rock at him, both of them staring the other down. Deba looked away first, swearing under his breath.
"Three hours. Go do whatever it is you need to do to have fun, just do it away from here," he offered, the other nin cheering like a small child and running off into the woods as Deba called after him. "And no explosions! Fuck's sake, that kid'll be the death of me- Oh, shitberries." he groaned, seeing the target approach. And he without any backup. Wonderful.
"Hidan, formerly of Yugakure-" he began, before seeing the red cloud designs on the man's remaining clothes, seeing as how his shirt barely qualified as such. Also, blood. Much blood. "Yeah, this is awkward." he sighed as he readied himself to fight.
Deidara, meanwhile, was having fun with his clay. "I see bursts of flames... Explosions too... I hear them boom... For me and you..." he sang, taking aim at a hawk overhead.
"And I think to myself... What a wonderful world..." he continued cheerily, a badly singed bird flying out of the flames. "Kami, I love explosions..." he mused, before hearing the tell-tale sounds of explosive tags from some distance away. Suna's variant, he considered, more heat, less flames. He froze as the implications settled in.
"Deba-jiji's fighting someone. More importantly, he's blowing someone up and didn't invite me!" he pouted as he formed a large owl for transport. "You guys are about to see true art in action!"