Chapter contains light romance/ slight crass language
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Chapter 171:
Farewell
"What do you mean?" The pause between the two men was broken with a hoarse question from Clarence, traces of sobriety, bewilderment, and fear mixed in his expression as he stared at Silas, wondering if the words he had heard were true.
There was no question whether it was true or not.
Rather, it was that he did not want it to be.
"I've been asked by Eva to complete an escort mission with Maeir and a few of the rebel troops." Silas paused tepidly, "After escorting her, I-" He swallowed back his words momentarily at the heavy sorrow on Clarence's face. "I want to spend some time in the Faelfier Kingdom with my family. I don't know when I'll be back."
"When are you leaving?" Clarence muttered quietly, holding Silas's hand, his eyes red, pitiful, like a sad puppy.
Silas rubbed the back of Clarence's hand with his thumb, smiling weakly as he attempted to comfort the young royal. "Soon. Maeir and I will be going back to the Faelfier Kingdom with Olicia Hallan."
"The cousin of the Faelfierian king? What do they want with you?"
"He's requested that his cousin receive an escort back to ensure she arrives back home safely. Adora will be returning around the same time as us, and I would like to see her again too."
"Do you have to go back? Can you… stay here?" As much as he knew Silas's departure was nonnegotiable, part of Clarence wanted to persuade him in some way, attempting to keep him by his side, even if for only a moment longer.
I don't like that Adora either. The man had not known much about Adora, but the short time they had spent speaking was unpleasant, and he felt the little elven knight had feelings for his beloved.
Biting his lip, Silas responded, "You know I can't, Clarence. There are things I still have to do back home." Holding the prince's hand, Silas added, "I wish I could stay here."
Pillow talk won't save anything now. As much as the prince wanted to take Silas and kiss him all over in his arms, whispering sweet nothing in his cute, pointed ears, nothing would change. The escort mission would happen whether he liked it or not, even against his will.
The conversation fell into a lull, and the two separated quietly. After washing and preparing for bed, the two laid side by side, a small space between them. The room was quiet, save for the sound of pattering rain on the window outside the room. Under the cover of the dark, a sudden flash of lightning filled the sky with light, rolling with it a heavy roll of thunder.
"Silas?" Clarence whispered, his lips not far from Silas's own. "Can I kiss you?"
There was no need for a response. The sound of rain muffled their whispered words and kisses like a curtain, their gentle intimacy making even the clouds wish to cover their affair.
After some time had passed, Clarence wrapped the other man in his embrace, smiling brightly like a shining pearl, content as a well-fed cat. "I want to go further." He had no intention of moving forward, but he voiced his desires directly, somewhat hopeful Silas felt the same.
"You try anything and I'll kill you for real this time." Trapped in Clarence's arms, Silas's voice was muffled, his face tucked tightly into the other man's chest. With the dimming flashes of lightning, Clarence could see Silas's face was dyed with red, warm to the touch.
Laughing to himself, Clarence attempted to hold back a smile as he said, "What's a third time?" He gently lifted his hand, brushing Silas's hair off of his forehead. Looking up, Silas met Clarence's gaze, their eyes falling sweetly on one another as Clarence, still laughing lightly to himself, lowered his head and kissed Silas's forehead, keeping his hold tight on the man in his arms.
I don't think I'm quite ready yet for anything more than this. His mind was a mess, full of colorful thoughts as Clarence kept his hold tightly on Silas. "Stop thinking so hard and go to sleep." Silas muttered drowsily in response.
"Of course. Whenever you are ready… we will take a step forward then." Clarence said ambiguously, kissing Silas with a generous, loud smacking kiss with a laugh. "Even if that's after our separation."
The other man rolled his eyes teasingly as he replied, "If you're going to kiss me goodnight, at least do it properly."
"I'd wait ten years to touch you, honey." The prince's husky voice in Silas's ears was enough to make the older man fall quiet in embarrassment. He could only shush the younger man by kissing him sweetly on the lips, nipping at his bottom lip in an effort to keep his sweet words at bay.
The kiss shared between the two was short lasting. Soon, Silas had fallen asleep, still resting in the prince's arms as he had before.
After all that's happened, is it finally time for us to separate again? After all we've been through? Long after Silas had fallen asleep, his breaths even and quiet, Clarence's eyes gently flitted open, his gaze forward as his hands held tight on Silas, the man immobile in his sleep.
I wish I could stop it. I wish I could keep him locked here, chained to the floor and safe by my side. Traveling so far, it's too dangerous. Anything could happen outside of my watch. He lowered his head, resting his nose on the crown of Silas's head, lightly inhaling the scent of herbs and mana saturating Silas's figure as if drunk.
There were things to prepare before his departure. He could only hope those things would keep his anxiety at bay.
…
"Eva, I want to discuss Silas's departure." Now, the morning after, the prince had already begun to put his plans into place, seeking out Eva almost naturally. It was the last time Clarence had wanted to step foot in Eva's quarters, having found a short window of time to discuss what he wished, before he lost the last of his patience.
Equally full of impatience, Eva was direct with her words. "This isn't a negotiation. Silas will be returning with Maeir and a group of our soldiers to escort Lady Hallan back to her kingdom."
"There is no reason for him to return! If Lady Hallan was able to get herself here with the help of Princess Naceri's group, then by all means she can return on her own!" Clarence attempted to fight the best he could, however, watching Eva's face grow gradually darker with impatience made him fall quiet, watching her mouth move soundlessly with what he believed to be curses.
The pair spoke back and forth heatedly about Silas's departure, but nothing was to change on either side. Finally, the woman opposite him rubbed her forehead after the rapid back and forth, as if carefully considering her words before she looked towards the young, foolish royal and said, "Spring."
Clarence stopped himself from opening the door to the room, his head turning back to Eva as he asked, "What?"
"I'm telling you to wait until Spring. After that, the council will be in place, and you can leave the palace-"
He interjected with a note of impatience, "And I'll be done in Spring? Able to leave and not return to this forsaken place?"
"-I'm saying that you can leave the palace, in Spring, for a short amount of time. What the two of you do at that time is none of my business. However." She paused, tapping her finger on the table, her face disapproving. "When you finish your visit, you will be escorted back here, to continue to deal with palace affairs until the council is properly instituted. After that, you can live however you wish, without involving yourself in palace affairs"
Clarence agreed to her words without debate, knowing Ecaterina would never set foot in the palace again. Even his siblings, while young, had lost any rights to the throne. Fortunately, unlike him, they would now live the life of a normal child, unlike Clarence himself.
There was nothing left to fight for but Silas and his new life.
The topic subtly changed as Eva mentioned the previous queen. "Will you be seeing your family then too?"
"Julian and Eloise, yes." Clarence sighed, thinking of his mother's poor reaction to his relationship with Silas before he said, "I plan to have her at my next wedding, if she'll accept it, with my siblings. Otherwise, I just want them to be safe. Fighting to retain our royal lineage is not worth losing our lives over."
"I agree." Eva flashed a rare, small smile as she responded, "Bringing the queen back to the palace would be a very poor decision at this point. I won't allow it. Keeping you here alone has been an unpopular choice, but necessary to unite both sides of the kingdom. For now, your mother and siblings will remain in the village, hidden, until palace affairs are settled. Once that happens, we will discuss preparing new identities for them as civilians. We cannot afford another monarchy."
"I understand." The prince said, looking to the side as he prepared to step out. "Let's discuss this in more detail later."
The conversation separated calmly and directly, surprisingly mature. All of the loose ends Clarence had wanted to address were falling into place. At least my affairs will be mostly taken care of before Silas leaves. I can focus solely on him.
Next to find was Alywin. Clarence thought, standing alone in the darkening hall, If anyone in this palace was to understand difficult relationships, it would be him. I'd better hurry and find him, before it's too late. In a rare show of haste, Clarence lifted his feet and began to run down the hall, his heart full of worries.
…
Much like with Eva, Clarence had barely stepped through the door before he began to speak his mind, catching Alywin off guard. "I'm not sure what to do, Alywin."
Seeing his friend acting strange one fateful evening, Alywin took him inside his room and began his interrogation, learning far more about Clarence's relationship than he wished. Having served tea, originally for himself to enjoy in silence, Alywin was at his friend's mercy.
I should have slammed the damn door shut. Why am I such a fool? Alywin let out a soundless sigh, playing with his teacup with a tired note of curiosity. "Do you love him?"
"Of course I do-" Seemingly hurt, Clarence was taken aback, as if loving Silas was only natural to him now. "We're closer than ever. I… I can't think of a life without him, Alywin."
"Really love him, I mean. Obsession and love are two different things." Alywin stared to the side, his eyes darkening momentarily, "Before all this, you kept trying to hunt him down and kill him. Remember in the capital? At Theresa's?" Watching Clarence's expression shift, Alywin added a pointed, "Also, don't forget you chained him up in the basement now. That was uncomfortable, quite creepy might I add."
Hearing of his past transgressions was not what Clarence had expected Alywin to bring up, but he found himself embarrassed by his old self. "I was out of line, I know I was. Fortunately, Silas forgave me for what happened, and we've moved on." He rubbed the back of his neck, "Our relationship has grown since… and we respect and love each other too much to let that happen again."
Hearing his friend discuss the previous incident without much care, Alywin felt his frustration grow. "I'll be frank. Was all that because you wanted in his pants, Clarence? Or do you genuinely love him as you would a spouse? Be honest, now. You've never so much as fondled a man-" Alywin's crass words were cut short by the prince's embarrassed shout.
"My God, Alywin!" Blushing, Clarence nearly stood up from the table, covering his mouth to prevent his shout from echoing.
Alywin sighed, "A large part of being in a relationship is sex. Don't tell me you two haven't-"
"Enough." The prince struggled to find his words, nearly sputtering as he took a sip of tea. "Our relationship is… moving along slowly, if you will." He murmured into his tea. "Building trust and all…"
Ah, that makes a lot of sense then. The two men carried the shyness of two young lovers, holding hands under the table, walking together under the cover of the night, and sharing a bedroom, too shy to profess their love more directly.
"Then Silas leaving should not be much of a problem, should it? You've gone this long without intimacy." The man crossed his leg, leaning forward slightly with a joking smile. "It's only for a short while, right?"
"Spring feels like years at this point, Alywin." Clarence pushed his bangs back, having set his empty teacup down with a light clattering sound. "Waiting until then, the only thing I can think of us doing now is getting married, not separating again and again."
"Theo and I, while apart, still care for each other. A little time apart won't kill anyone. Besides, his wife already died, didn't she? So he has no one to see while you're away." Alywin's mention of Emmeline made Clarence shoot him a superbly sour frown. "If anything, it will give you both enough time to consider if this is what you want. Marriage, I mean. That's a large commitment, and I'm not sure you're ready to settle down yet."
Clarence frowned, appearing impatient, "You and Theo are different… Have you ever considered settling down yourself?"
"Listen." Alywin repeated, his patience thinning, "Did you ever think of what Silas wants? He's been separated from his family, stuck in a kingdom that hates elves, and even puts up with you and your-" The prince's eyes only narrowed as Alywin finished, "Attitude. And your lack of commitment."
Rolling his eyes, Clarence shot back, "Oh, of course. I'm sure Theo loves your irritating habit of poking at others flaws."
"I have my own issues, I'm well aware. At least I'm not a man-child."
"And I haven't had enough partners to circle the capital!"
The two were bickering like children, and the feeling of familiarity and warmth lingered.
"Speaking of settling down…" Alywin began, changing the conversation naturally. "Maybe, when everything settles here, I am thinking of returning to Theresa's. With Theo."
It had been some time since the two had held a conversation outside of palace matters. After Malcolm was dethroned and properly killed, Alywin had spent much of his time alone, barely eating or speaking to anyone.
Slowly, he began to help Eva and her group with palace affairs relating to the nobles, things that Clarence was unable to help with. Now that he had been formally forgotten by his father, much like Charlotte and Philomena, he had nowhere to turn to, nowhere to settle down again. Now, working with the rebels as he had with Theresa, he had found his place again.
Clarence adjusted his collar, smoothing out the wrinkles as he asked, "Theresa's? Are you going to give up your noble status?" There was a hint of worry in the prince's tone. "Are you sure you want to do that? Whatever you do, I'll support your decision."
Rubbing the knuckles of his hand, Alywin responded, "My father doesn't care what's happened to me or where I am. If anything, I've already long-since revoked my status after Malcolm's fiasco. If anything, I want to live-" He trailed off, thinking of a proper word before he said, "Quietly. I don't want to fight this battle anymore. Theo and I… talked about it a little. Charlotte, Philomena, and me too. We had similar thoughts."
"I understand." Clarence asked, raising a brow with a smile. "Are you thinking of getting married, too? You and Theo?"
Looking at his friend, once insanely attached to the idea of killing the man he was now vying to marry, made him shake his head. "No, no… it's too soon to think of anything that serious." In all honesty, due to their rapid fears of dying, he had no such plans, having not had the chance to think as far ahead as Clarence, who appeared as though he knew everything the universe had in store for him.
In a way, it made him jealous.
I should think about it sometime. His thoughts trailed.
Clarence stood up, adjusting the buttons on his formal suit jacket, appearing somewhat less agitated than before. The tea had long since grown cold, but the faint aroma of lavender and black tea stained the cooling air. Moving towards the door, the young royal looked over his shoulder at his old friend, still sitting deep in thought on the sofa. "It's about time I get going. I have some things I need to prepare before Silas leaves." He paused for a moment before he added, his smile bright, "Anyway, thanks for talking with me, Alywin. I knew you'd know what to say."
"You're a good friend. Thank you." He repeated with a genuine smile, his eyes full of newfound hope.
His departure was neither fast, nor slow, but the sound of the door shutting behind him echoed in the room. Sitting alone in the room, staring at the empty tea cup in front of him, Alywin felt satisfied. The numbing loneliness he had felt had begun to change. The feelings he had for Clarence, though in the past, still lingered deep in his heart. However, the desire for romance had long since faded, but he still was fond of Clarence, as his childhood friend and his closest confidant in the palace before the rebellion.
Watching Clarence find joy, it made Alywin wonder too. Maybe, just this once, it was time for him to be happy too.
A chapter had closed, and a new one would open.
…
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This was a very tough chapter to write. Apologies if this chapter sounds disjointed. My thoughts were all over the place this week and it's been incredibly difficult to focus to sit down and write.
On that note, my next project has been finalized (I plan to shift away from Misted Winds for a short bit). It will be a esper x guide, overpowered MC/ML, mentally unstable ML, with a transmigrating MC. I may be interning abroad in Japan later next year depending if I pass the interview or not, so a lot is weighing on that right now in regards to my projects. I won't know for another 3 months so I'm trying not to think about it ahaha
Thank you all for your sweet comments and DMs. I've been too overwhelmed lately to respond properly, so I apologize ;n; I'll be working on Youtube for a while, so if the next update is late, it's because of my translation project. I'm almost done with the game, so that's a plus! Sending hugs! ⊂(´• ω •`⊂) Here's to the coming end of YMtK! ヽ(≧◡≦)八(o^ ^o)ノ