This was the last thing Theo had expected to hear. He stumbled backward, his steps crunching in the damp grass. "What – what do you – "
"You're right," Victor said again, low and contemplative. "I didn't care enough. That's my greatest regret. And that's why I'm determined to change things now. To do for you what I wasn't able to back then."
"Then – why – " Theo could barely force the words out through the pain gripping his throat.
"My whole life, I've been called a prodigy. Pushed into cello, forced to perform, never given a choice. Dad, my teachers, none of them cared about what I wanted. They only saw 'Victor the prodigy cellist,' and to them I only had worth if I lived up to their expectations. To them, I wasn't a person. I was just a trained monkey."
Though he'd remained calm as ever throughout, bitterness flooded his voice upon the last words. It dragged Theo back across the years, to a day he wanted to purge from his memory yet constantly returned to. The crack as the cello bow snapped. The hate in Victor's eyes as he glared at their father.
'I'm done being your trained monkey.'
"Only you were different. I didn't realize it until after I had left." Once more, his tone became flat, unreadable. "I kept thinking about the times you'd beg me to skip practice to play with you. The few times when I gave in. Remember? When we'd go to the forest together...."
Theo couldn't breathe. It felt like a knife was digging between his ribs. So to Victor, too, those memories had been special.
"I kept thinking, I kept thinking." Victor's voice lowered. "All my other memories of home were painful, I couldn't wait to throw them away. But those memories...they were so fond. And I realized it's because you were the only one who saw me for who I really was."
"What – what do you mean?" No, that was wrong, completely wrong. Theo had never seen the real Victor. He'd been just as caught off guard as Dad when Victor had walked away, and he certainly had never expected Victor to return as a wizard fighting for the Infernal Legion.
"You didn't see 'Victor the prodigy cellist.' No, you saw 'Victor, my older brother.' And that...thinking about it...those times I spent with you were the only times I got to be myself. So I decided...that's who I want to be. Not the prodigy, not the trained monkey. But your brother."
Another time, another place, Victor's words might have overjoyed Theo. Maybe all along, he'd always wanted to hear them. But now all he felt was a hollow desolation emptying out his insides, leaving him numb all the way to the tips of his extremities.
"Then why did you join the Infernal Legion?" His voice came out high and strained, almost hysterical.
"I already told you. For the power to protect you. That's what I swore to do as your brother." When grass crunched, Theo realized with a dull jolt that Victor was stepping toward him.
'Step back, get away' – but another equally powerful voice in his head was screaming at him to come closer, to finally bridge the distance between them. Caught between the warring desires, he couldn't move an inch.
"After I left, I discovered I was a wizard. I learned about the battles, the arenas, Tielos. I realized I had something greater than I had ever suspected – real power. So I decided to put it behind the Infernal Legion, the strongest force in Tielos." Victor clenched his hand into a fist. "Once I became a powerful wizard, I would come to take you under the Legion's protection. Then we could be together at last. As the family we were meant to be."
He came to a stop less than two feet in front of Theo, so close Theo could now see his eyes through the domino mask. Even in the night, they gleamed with a fervor that Theo had never seen from his stoic brother before.
No, he had. In their last battle.
"Imagine my surprise," Victor said, his low voice dragging at Theo's gut, "when I discovered that you were a wizard too. Not only that, but you were fighting for Prince Darian. When I saw just how deeply she had brainwashed you, I knew I couldn't sit still. I'm going to become an even stronger wizard, Theo. I promise. Strong enough to defeat all the Legion's enemies and save you."
"Save me?" Theo choked out, incredulous. "I – I'm going to save you!"
Victor blinked, slow and controlled. "What do you mean by that?"
"Isn't it obvious? You're the one who's on the wrong side!" Theo yelled. His voice trembled almost as badly as his knees, but to his relief resolve burned bright and clear in his chest. That was right. No matter what Victor said, he still believed in himself. In the vow he had made, in the friends he fought beside.
"Hm." Victor's face might have been carved from stone. "Why do you think that? Because demons are evil and seraphim are good? That's a child's way of thinking, Theo. Be honest: you have no idea if Prince Darian is fighting for a righteous cause in the first place."
"What?"
Sighing, Victor shook his head. "Just think about it. What actual reason do you have to fight for her? All you know is what she's told you. You've never been to Tielos, you've never seen a Fortress yourself. How can you say she's right to want the throne of Miria? For all you know, she could be a deluded maniac or a power-hungry usurper. Maybe the Legion is right to stop her before her selfish crusade wreaks more havoc."
Victor's words hit Theo like bullets, each harder than the last. He didn't want to admit it – oh, how he didn't want to admit it – but they made a terrible kind of sense. What did he know besides what Darian had told him?
If he'd stumbled upon an Infernal Legion arena first, would he have joined them instead? Was he only following Darian because she'd introduced him to this world?
Even as he thought it, louder voices rose within him. It was true – Theo had never really cared about Darian's mission. That wasn't why he was doing this.
No. He thought of Meg clapping whenever he mastered a new spell. Sam enthusiastically challenging him to spell-memorizing bees. Lodo serving him tea and sweets, urging him not to study on an empty stomach.
And Zenith, always Zenith, telling Theo he'd never been happier.
He took a deep breath, straightened his back. The pain, the desolation, still settled deep in his bones, but now he could look Victor in the eye.
"I don't know if Darian taking the throne is the right thing. But I know this. What you Infernal Legion guys are doing is absolutely one hundred percent wrong. I won't forget what you did to Sam."
"Who is Sam?" Victor asked, but offhandedly, like he didn't really care.
"My best friend." As he remembered the tears in her eyes, her desperate struggle against Melphi's control, his remaining doubts swirled into dust. "You guys used her, turned her into a thrall. You've got no moral high ground to stand on!"
"Oh." Victor lifted his chin slightly. "So that's who she was."
"You hurt her! How can you say you care about me?"
"So?" Victor sounded bored. "I don't care about her. The only person that matters to me is you."
He said it like there was nothing more obvious in the world, but the words burned through Theo's blood like poison.
Maybe he should have been happy to learn how much he meant to Victor. Maybe if he was still a stupid needy little kid, he would have. But he hadn't been that kid for a long, long time.
"What's the matter, Theo?" The sound of Victor's footsteps grew louder. Run away – but this was his brother. He couldn't run. "You don't believe me?"
"I...I...." Theo curled his hands into trembling fists. It hurt so much to speak, each word like coughing up a rusty knife. "I do believe you. But I can't accept that way of thinking. Other people...other people matter to me too."
"Hm." Victor's eyes narrowed. "I guess that means you never really cared about me."
"What?" Theo lurched in shock. "No, that's – "
"It doesn't matter." Victor spoke over him. "I'm going to save you anyway. It's the only thing I live for."
At that moment a buzz sounded from his pocket, making Theo jump. He watched, half-disbelieving, as Victor pulled out a plain black phone and glanced at the screen.
When he looked back at Theo, most of the intensity had faded from his gaze, replaced by business-like indifference. "I've got to go. Mr. Rose wants me. But I'll see you soon, Theo."
"Wait," Theo croaked out without thinking.
"Mr. Rose doesn't like to be kept waiting. See you." With that, Victor turned around and strolled toward the brightly shining ballroom. Theo watched him go, unable to move a muscle in his body. Helpless. Powerless. Like he'd always been.