Even after Victor disappeared through the door, Theo remained rooted in place. If only he could stay here forever, until the grass crept over his feet and the world stopped turning and he wouldn't have to face – wouldn't have to face anything –
A chilly breeze tousled his hair, making him shiver. As the night grew colder, most of the other people in the courtyard were trickling back inside. But Theo didn't move.
How long he stood there, he didn't know. When a bright spot appeared in the darkness, he blinked. The illusion didn't go away. As it grew larger, he realized it was a person in a stark white suit.
Zenith must have noticed him at the same time, because he picked up his pace and almost ran the rest of the way. "Theo, there you are."
Without thinking, Theo shrunk back. Zenith noticed, of course; a slight frown creased his face. "Is something the matter?"
'I'm fine. Just say it,' Theo urged himself. 'Why can't you say it?'
He was afraid. If he opened his mouth, he didn't know what would come spilling out.
"My liege has finished dancing with Michel Rose," Zenith said, sounding relieved. "We're all meeting back up to decide if we're going to stay any longer or not. Come now. It isn't good for you to be out in the cold."
What an odd reversal for Zenith to be the talkative one. 'Answer him. Tell him you're okay.' Fury and shame twisted inside his stomach, sending shivers through his entire body.
Which Zenith didn't miss. He stepped closer. "Theo, are you all right?"
Despite his best efforts, Theo only trembled harder. He'd never hated himself more. Hadn't he sworn to become a worthy lord to Zenith? To be strong for him? Yet here he was sniveling like a baby and making Zenith worry, all because he hadn't been able to handle talking to his brother.
"Theo." Zenith's voice held a definite tinge of concern now. "You don't look well."
When he reached for Theo's shoulder, Theo reacted without thinking. He shoved Zenith's hand aside and took off running, tearing across the lawn and past the ponds. His lungs burned, his legs ached, but none of it compared to the pain stabbing inside his heart.
He plunged past a row of hedges only to almost run smack into a wall. Of course. The courtyard couldn't go on forever, much as he wished it could. As he stumbled for balance, the hedges rustled and Zenith's tall figure pushed through.
Stupid of Theo to think he could outrun the homunculus knight. He staggered back anyway, though there was nowhere to go.
Zenith stepped closer, wearing an all-too-familiar puzzled expression. But now his eyes held a troubled light Theo had never seen from him before.
"Theo." That was all he said, but it pushed Theo over the edge. The concern softening his voice cut far worse than all of Victor's cruel words.
Tears bloomed in Theo's eyes, hot and stinging. He could no longer hold them back. As they spilled, he had the presence of mind to rip off the mask before burying his face in his hands. The sobs wracked his whole body, trembling him from head to toe, and with each one he felt like he was tearing out another piece of his heart.
"I – I talked to Victor," he gasped between sobs. What he was saying he had no idea – only that he had to get it out before it drove him insane. "I talked to him and – and – I'm such an idiot, a complete fucking idiot. Why did I think I could save him? When he's already like that – how? How can someone change so much? I don't...I don't...h-he's my brother and I, I can't do anything...."
His voice cracked, and the loudest sob yet swallowed any other words he might have left. He felt stupid, weak, pathetic, yet he couldn't make himself stop.
This wasn't fair to Zenith, not when he was only just starting to understand such basic emotions as like and dislike. What did Theo expect him to do about the tangled mess between him and Victor?
Gradually the sobs grew shallower, more like wheezes; the tears were starting to run dry. But the misery remained, thick and heavy like lead in his veins.
Wait...there was something else. A little spark deep inside his chest. Like light refracted from a crystal.
Slowly, wonderingly, Theo lowered his hands from his face. Though his eyes were swollen, he had a clear view of Zenith. The knight stood before him at elegant attention, one hand behind his back, the other extended in an invitation.
And – Theo's heart jolted – his mask was gone. Without it, his eyes glinted like shards of crystal.
"My lord," Zenith said softly, "may I have this dance?"
"What?" His voice came out thin and hoarse, and not just because he'd been crying.
"Perhaps...I am being presumptuous. But this is also a way to fulfill my duty as a knight. So...." Zenith swallowed, but his hand didn't waver. Theo traced the long, slender fingers with his gaze, thinking about how firmly they could grip the hilt of a sword, yet how gentle they felt whenever they touched him.
Even if Zenith didn't fully understand how Theo felt, he still wanted to make him feel better. In his own awkward, dorky way, he was trying his hardest.
Gratitude welled in Theo's chest, bright and warm. He found he could finally draw a full breath. As if in a dream, he saw his own hand rise toward Zenith's. It was covered in black smears – from his eyeliner, he realized. His face must not look any better. But Zenith didn't care, just kept gazing at Theo as if nothing else existed.
His careful attention made each of Theo's nerves feel exquisitely, pricklingly awake. When their fingers brushed, a spark jumped down his spine. Emboldened, Theo squeezed Zenith's hand tight and pulled him closer.
His heart was beating so hard, he was certain Zenith could feel its thrum through their linked hands. And it only raced faster when Zenith rested his free hand gently on Theo's waist.
"Ah, uh," Theo blurted, his face burning. "I – I gotta warn you – I don't really know how to – uh – "
"It's all right." When a smile lifted Zenith's lips, Theo forgot how to breathe. "Trust me."
With that, he tightened his grip, lifted Theo's hand, and twirled him around. Theo stumbled a little but managed to keep up. Thankfully the dance wasn't that difficult, just the two of them turning slow circles.
At first Theo felt hyper aware of Zenith's hand around his own, his touch on the small of his back, and struggled to keep his feet from bumping into Zenith's. But as the dance continued, Theo found he no longer had to consciously think about his movements. It was like his body was moving on its own, weaving together with Zenith's to form a perfect rhythm.
They danced to the music of his heartbeat, watched only by the rustling branches. The gaudy ballroom felt like a memory from someone else's life. A life some dim, foolish part of Theo hoped he would never have to return to.
For now it was just him and his knight, and that was more than enough.