"But I don't even want to go out tonight! Can't we just stay at home?" I whined to my roommate and best friend, Shay Clark. She was a broker in New York City, one of the most prestigious jobs in the world.
"Tasha, it's a party in Time's Square on New Year's Eve!" Shay wailed. "Not only that, but it's on top of the Times Square Building! Do you realize how many people would kill to be there? You'll get to meet stars! Girl, this is the opportunity of a lifetime!"
I shook my head. In truth, I could care less about being in Times Square on New Year's Eve. I could care less about a lot of things. "Socializing just isn't my thing."
"Girl, I know what you've been through," Shay said, rubbing my back. "But you have to learn how to move on."
I shrugged away and turned to face her. "Shay, the thing is, I don't know if I can." I'd lived so long without feeling anything, without caring for anyone, that I didn't know if I was actually capable of it anymore. I was damaged. I had spent most of my life alone... since it happened.
When I moved to New York City, Shay had been the first person I had met. Since I had been a newbie in New York, straight from Tennessee, she had taken pity on me and took me under her wing. With her quick wit and fearless attitude, she was the exact opposite of me, and we ended up becoming inseparable. She was the only one who understood me more than anyone else I had met since it happened. At first, I didn't want to like her. But with Sasha, it was impossible not to.
Now, she wanted me to go to one of the biggest parties of the year... even though she knew I had become a social pariah. Most people kept their distance from me, not wanting to get too close. But I guessed that had a lot to do with me, with my inability to make connections.
"Come on! For me?" Shay took my hands, pulling me toward her bedroom and set me on her vanity stool in front of the mirror. "Now, where to begin." She started brushing my blonde hair, pulling it up on the top of my head, and then letting it down. "I've got it! We'll go as Flappers from the 1920s!"
"Shay, I don't know—"
"Go take a shower and I'll start digging clothes out of my closet for both of us!" She clapped her hands excitedly, jumping up and down! "Ooo!!! Hurry! And make sure you shave!" She shoved me into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. "And if you don't start soon, then I'm coming in!"
"Oh, no you're not!" I yelled, locking the door for good measure.
There was a moment of silence on the other side of the door. "I don't hear the shower running yet!" she yelled.
"Okay, okay!" I yelled, turning on the water. It could be worse. I could be spending New Year's Eve alone again, watching the ball drop on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve... even though our apartment was right around the corner from it.
I let out a deep breath and then showered and shaved as instructed. I could only imagine what outfits Shay would pick out for us, cringing at the thought. After synching the towel around my body, my fears were confirmed when I headed into her bedroom. Clothes, feathers, boas, and everything extravagant thing you could imagine was spread across her bed, including new lace underwear with the tags still on them. Luckily, we wore the same size.
"Nuh uh!" I shook my head, eyeing the underwear. "I draw the line at wearing your underwear."
Shay laughed as if it were the funniest thing she had ever heard. "No, silly! I haven't worn these!" She leaned in conspiratorially. "I always keep spare underwear handy… just in case."
I chuckled, shaking my head. Since we met, Shay had never had a shortage of boyfriends. So, to hear that she kept spare new underwear on hand "just in case" wasn't a surprise.
"Okay. What did you pick out?" I looked over the bed, fearing the worst. Sometimes I felt like her very own Dress Up Barbie.
"Eeekkk!!!" she squealed in delight. "We're going to put some pink extensions in your hair and top it off with this feather headband!" Then she held up a dress layered with blue fringe. "And you're going to wear this with black fishnet stockings, and these blue stilettos!"
"No way!" I yelled, shaking my head. "As accident prone as I am, you want me to wear... these?" I held them up and shook them at her.
"Oh, it's going to look so cute!" She gathered up the clothes she had picked out for me and shoved me toward the bathroom to change. "And don't worry! I have the same outfit for me... in purple! See?" She held up a short, layered purple fringe dress and shook it.
"We're going to freeze to death!" I shook my head in disbelief.
"Nope!" She smiled proudly. "I've picked out long, heavy coats for us, too!"
I rolled my eyes. Her father worked in Manhattan and her family had more money than sense, and I was convinced that Shay stayed up late nights just trying to think of new ways to spend it.
Then she leaned in conspiratorially. "And if we play our cards right, we may just find something else to keep us warm, too!" She wiggled her eyebrows as she threw her dress over her shoulder.
"Ugg!" I grabbed everything and headed off to the bathroom to change. Since I had never worn fishnets before, I kept putting my fingers through them while putting them on, and I teetered on the stilettos, but I had to admit that dress was too cute.
"Don't do your hair!" Shay yelled through the door. "I'm doing it for you!"
"Yes, Mom!" I teased. "I'm coming out!" I walked out carrying the feather headband.
"OOOoooo!!" she squealed in delight. "You look so cute!"
"Thanks," I replied. "So do you." She was wearing the same dress as mine, only in purple. And I had to admit. Her enthusiasm was catchy. "You look adorable!"
She wiggled back and forth, watching the fringe sway. "Come here and sit down." She pulled out the vanity bench. After I sat, she had a ball fixing my hair until she was satisfied. When she was finished, I had pink extensions that blended with my blonde hair and she had curled it up. Then she added a liberal amount of hairspray.
I coughed, waving my hand back and forth to shoo it away. "You know, it looks good! It's really cute!"
"Thanks!" She beamed. "I'm glad you like it!" she had already done her red hair in a similar style. We both looked like we had just stepped out of the 1920s.
I smirked. "You've missed your calling. You should have been a hairdresser."
"Thanks, hon." Then she rushed over to the bed and picked up two boas: One blue, and one purple.
"You have got to be kidding," I replied. "I think that's going a bit over the top." It was going to be a whole lot over the top, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
"Nope!" she beamed, undeterred. "Actually, they make the outfits. But...." She handed me the purple one and kept the blue one for herself. "This way, we'll match!"
I chuckled. "Not really...."
"Come here." She turned me toward the mirror with her arm around my shoulders... and she was right. Our outfits complemented each other.
"This is great!" I yelled, finally starting to feel excited.
"Now, let's go!" she squealed. "Here." She handed me a long white coat and kept the beige one for herself. "Let's go!"
As we headed down the hallway toward the elevator, I teetered on the four-inch stiletto heels, not used to them. Usually, the heels I wore were three inches. You wouldn't think that one inch could make that much difference... until you put them on and tried to walk.
"You ladies look wonderful!" Fred, the doorman, said. "Happy New Year! Have fun tonight!"
"Oh, we intend to!" Shay said pulling me out the door. "Taxi!" she yelled as soon as we were on the street.
Immediately, the tires of three taxi's squealed to a stop, narrowly missing colliding.
I rolled my eyes, letting Shay pull me to the nearest cab.
"Where to, ladies?" the cab driver asked, eyeing us in the rearview mirror.
I rolled my eyes. "Times Square."
"Well, I'll only be able to get you so close...."
"Just get us as close as you can and we'll walk the rest of the way," I replied as Shay checked her lipstick in her compact.
Soon, we were on our way to the Times Square Building. Beside me, Shay was bubbling over with excitement. But the closer we got to Times Square, the more out of place I felt. And when we got there, I was already having second thoughts.
But I let Shay pull me toward the building, we showed our tickets, and were soon in the elevator, along with ten other party goers. I plastered myself against the wall in the elevator, as Shay talked animatedly to a tall, sexy guy who looked like he had just stepped off a runway. Figures. We weren't even out of the elevator yet and Shay already had a fish on the line.
When the doors opened, Shay took the arm of Mr. Dreamy, letting him lead her off to talk to some friends as she pointed to him behind his back and mouthed, "Oh. My. God!" And then wiggled her fingers at me.
I sighed, not in a real festive mood, even though the party was underway, and people were dancing and talking animatedly with one another. I walked over to the edge of the roof and looked out over the festivities. The city was lit with flashing lights of every color, adding to the holiday mood. The giant Crystal ball was hung high, just waiting to be lowered to count down the minutes until the old year was gone.
Another year gone.
"Would you care for some champagne?"
I turned around and a cute waiter was holding a tray of fluted glasses. Figures. The only guy who would pay attention to me was a waiter. But I forced a smile. After all, he was just doing his job. "Yes, thank you." I took a glass and sipped, then sat on the ledge. Heights never bothered me, not since it happened.
I took another sip, thinking about New Year's and what it meant. Many people made New Year's resolutions in an effort to change their lives. How naive to believe that one wish could change their lives! But the more I watched the party goers, the more depressed I became. Finally, I thought, "What could it hurt?"
I set the glass on the edge beside me and then said aloud, "I wish I could be empathetic and more understanding of others. I wish I could be social and happy. I wish things could be different, and that I could be a better person."
At the moment, I didn't feel any different, but putting the wish out into the Universe couldn't hurt, either.
"Ten, nine…" everyone around me shouted, seeing out the last moments of the old year, ready for the new. "Seven, six, five...." I stood, ready to go. "Three, two, one! Happy New Year!" Everyone shouted and started kissing each other, making me feel very out of place.
"Happy New Year!" a man shouted, splashing his champagne over his shoulder.
I staggered out of the way, and it narrowly missed me. Then everything happened at once. He bumped into me and I lost my balance on the four-inch heels and felt myself going over the edge.
"No!" I yelled grabbing for the air as I fell backward.
"Eeekk!!!" the woman with the guy yelled, reaching for me. "She's going over!"
But the guy with her was too drunk to notice.
"Yyyyyaaah!!!" I screamed as I fell from the top of the building, grabbing at the air.
A guy tried to grab me but missed, his eyes wide.
And I knew this was it. I fell backward off the top of the building, flailing my arms and legs, grabbing for the air. But the strangest thought entered my mind... I was glad that at least the pain would be over.
But fate had other plans.