"No!, Don't leave" "Stay with us!" "No! No! No!" I woke up in a cold sweat, heaving and panting for air, I looked at the clock next to me '4 am' it read. How long has it been since I've last had this nightmare?
I definitely can't go back to sleep, I won't be able to. So I decided to get some work done, I was supposed to be move out soon so I began going over the list of things I was supposed to order for the new apartment. I also went over the syllabus for school. It was 6 am, the time I usually woke up at. I heard sounds coming from the kitchen 'mom must be up'.
Walking down the steps I went over to greet mom but I found out that there was no one in, I looked around but she wasn't anywhere. I saw the back door was slightly open, assuming she must have gone out I went out. It was still dark outside 'mom' I called out.
'Anna?' It was Ivan's voice, I walked a little ahead towards the garden.
'Ivan? Why you standing out here, where's mom I thought it was her?" I asked as I huddled towards him.
'Mom's asleep, she wasn't feeling well last night?"
"She looked alright during dinner"
"Did you know that she's been not taking her medicines?"
"What? I make sure I refill them and she's always taken them on time!"
"Look down there, behind the flowers"
I bent down looking behind the flowers "I can't see anything" to that he turned the flashlight of his phone on. My eyes widened at all the pills fallen on the ground. I picked them up 'these were mom's'.
"She's been throwing them out, I caught her yesterday throwing something out here after I gave her the morning prescription. I didn't think much of it but last night after dinner I found her fallen outside her bedroom"
I gasped, tears forming in my eyes. The cold morning air was already making me shiver. Ivan saw me desperately hugging myself to keep warm so he took off his cardigan that he was wearing and wrapped it around me.
"Why didn't you wake me up!?" I yelled.
"It was very late at night, she had fainted and I could handle it"
"No! You tell us! How could I be so careless?" I began crying.
"There There" he said as he pulled me in for a hug.
"We can't loose her. I won't be able to take anything if something happens to anyone of you." I cried.
Ivan's soft and gentle pats on head made me calm down. "Hush now" he said as he hugged me tighter. I could feel in his hug that even he was afraid. "Seeing mom like that, I was scared too".
Ivan's always been the tough one in our family so seeing him vulnerable like this made me realize how he's never had anyone to tell his share of burdens to, he's always had to be level headed and strong for us.
I hugged him tightly , "Big Brother, My Strong, Tall, Smarty pants, big brother" I began singing as I patted my brothers back and I heard him chuckle.
He pulled me away and smiled at me. "It's been a while you sang me that song" he said then started singing the next lines "Buy me a candy and I'll beat up Jakey for ya". We both laughed as memories of our childhood flooded over.
"I'll talk to mom about this" I said as I calmed myself down.
"I already did, Don't worry she'll no longer throw or miss them." He said.
"But why? Why did she throw them in the first place?"
"She was worn out. Remember she's still struggling with the past as much as we all are."
"I think it's not the right time for me to move out"
"Oh no no, Anna we all have to move on to next chapters, I and Jacob are here,always around here, so don't worry."
"How can I not worry!?, You guys have your lives too, you need to get married, Jacob needs to study well! You guys need to find your happiness too, you can't always be stuck up with us!"
"You guys are my happiness" he said as he pulled my cheeks, swatting his hands off I fake vomited. He chuckled again. Then for a while he paused, looked around a little and then motioned me to come closer.
"why?" I asked.
"A secret." He said and bent lower to my level and softly whispered in my ears. "I have a girlfriend"
"What!?" I yelled and he quickly covered my mouth with his hands. "Sssh it's a secret!"
Struggling to breathe I hit his hands covering my mouth. "Promise me you'll be quite and keep it a secret"
I thought for a while and then nodded 'yes'.
He slowly and hesitantly took off his hands from my mouth and wiped them on my shoulders.
"How long?" I asked.
"Huh?" He asked startled.
"How long has this been going on for?" I asked crossing my hands across my chest and pouting.
"4-5 years" he said like it was no big deal. My eyes widened, he kept it a secret for so long!
"4-5!" I yelled.
"SSH!"
"You sneaky Boy!"
He blushed.
"Who's she?, What does she do?, Where did you meet her?, How's she like?" In my excitement I began jumping up and down and began throwing questions at him.
He watched me get so excited and smiled but then he flicked my forehead.
"Ouch!"
"Calm yourself down, I'll ask her if she'll be okay and will meet you, you'll know for yourself then" he said and walked away blushing.
'My big brother has a girlfriend' I smirked 'Boy I am going to have fun teasing him'.