-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
[GA]: Karkat, are you still there? Is everything okay?
[GA]: I apologize so much for missing your ordeal! I promise there is an excuse on why I was unavailable! I had just finished the final touches of the club opening today, it was quite hectic.
[GA]: Well, of course my duties as an involved quadrant has no 'excuse'... ANYWAY...
[GA]: Why were you feeling weird?
[GA]: ... Karkat you're scaring me a bit. Please answer me back immediately.
[GA]: I contacted your brother. What is going on. He inquired that you were acting more distant than your normal moods this morning. Talk to me or I'm coming over earlier than expected.
[GA]: I'll be there in 10.
-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
"Great." You muttered to yourself as the phone was set aside on the matress. The list of things that would make this day more unbearable is for your moirallegiance partner to come over.
Throughout the morning, your only company were the scruffs on the celling. The white uneven pattern that stared back at you with an 'everything is gonna be alright' written above, but who are you trying to fool? Most certainly not yourself, at least not today. Maybe the celling is your false sense of hope that silently and utterly fails to rescue you, but is always there for you. It saw what you've done to yourself and sympathizes for your behalf. It's also a clear distraction of the destruction to come with the only quadrant you'll eventually ruin. Maybe this is a sign from the universe that you two aren't made for each other after all.
A hand came to slowly wipe down your face, "Keep yourself under control, Karkat." You're such an idiot to even think of abandoning Kanaya, even to stoop so low to break a promise in the first place. Can you face her with a blunt lie?
"Karkat," Your brothers voice was heard after some light knocking on the door, but you didn't budge. "You have a concerned visitor wanting to see you immediately. I suggest you not ignore her like you do me."
There was no way to get out of this confrontation, whether you like it or not. You forced yourself to sit up and trudge to the door, attempting to keep a good composure as it opens.
Like you expected, an angry looking yet worried moirail was present and ready to spit fire. "Karkat, dear, you better have an explanation for yourself and I want it served with a side of truth." Her vicious, motherly tone confused what you had thought up as she pushed herself through your body barrier and into the room. You gave a 'help me' glance at Kankri, but he was already moving the opposite direction and into a safe zone.
Coward.
With a half hearted breath, you turned and faced Kanaya, "Look, before you go all overprotective on me... You're the one acting a bit overboard on the situation." You clasped your hands together and gave her your best smile.
Her emerald eyes interrogated your lying soul like a helpless wriggler being tossed into a winding river. "Lets just cut the shit, Karkat. I am trying my best here to be there you, but it seems my efforts are thrown into oblivion. Did I do something to upset you? To not be open with me? Do... Do you not trust me anymore? Are we n-not compatible?" The strong, independent, and frightening troll that started, quickly faded into an emotional mess. Her expression was saddened and faint tears welded beside the bridge of her nose, threatening release.
You were shocked, dumbfounded at the most of this type of weakness she was admitting. What made you feel like even more of a horrible troll, was that you had no immediate response to her emotion. You didn't know what to do. Kanaya was never the one to have random breakdowns, only you. She was the troll you look for guidance to, the one who comforts you with a gentle voice and hand just like mother used to.
This meeting took a slight turn off of what you were expecting, but you had to do something. Without any words, you walked over and embraced her. Kanaya immediately took ahold and nestled her quiet sobs into the crook of your neck, signaling that you've chosen an appropriate response. You let her stay like that for a moment before speaking in a low tone, "Kanaya, nothing is your fault and never will be. You're an amazing moirail and I couldn't live without you. I'm sorry for making you worry so much, for not putting enough work in this quadrant than I should be. I just..." You stopped yourself in mid sentence to rethink.
"You what?" Your moirail had calmed down enough to release her grip and look at you with a sense of reassurance.
"I feel like I weigh you down, being what I am. I'm afraid of losing you as a moirail and having to deal with the guilt of..." You stopped yourself with a shaky sigh, "Of you dying because of me."
Kanaya had placed a hand on your cheek, lightly shaking her head to the side. "Karkat, I know times are tough for you especially, but please don't blame yourself. Everything is and will be okay, I promise."
You couldn't help the late amounts of guilt be present throughout the emotional term-oil, knowing that she has no idea what kind of shit-pool you're in. Telling her now could make things even more complicated for you both, but a clean consciousness sounds less stressful than keeping more secrets from her. "Y-...Yeah... I know... Look, Kanaya, I feel really shitty for making you cry. Let's head towards your opening, maybe this can be a bit of a therapeutic distraction for the both of us."
A gentle smile formed upon her lips, "Of course, that sounds like a swell idea." Your moirail spoke softly as she patted her face dry once more, motioning with a hand for you to follow her steps.