I looked at the papers on front of me and in front of Ashton. We hadn't said a word for about ten minutes and I was getting annoyed.
I wanted to finish this project and get to know more about Ashton, but I knew that meant I would have to tell him some things about myself if we were to have a moment.
Frustratedly, I placed the pen the desk and looked over at Ashton. He looked up, raising an eyebrow at me and I forced a smile.
"Let's take a break." I declared, and he placed the papers with mine on his desk. He sat back down on his bed and nodded. "What now?"
I put on my thinking cap, my god I'm never saying that again, and a few ideas popped into my head. A few.
"How about we get to know each other."
I forced a smile the entire time, but I knew Ashton wasn't buying it. He was definitely one that was skeptical.
How could you be so similar, yet different to someone in several ways?
Ashton laughed, a fake laugh if you ask me and gave me a harsh glance. "Not a chance."
I rolled my eyes. "Why not? This project is boring me out and I can't think of anything else to do." I respond with a bratty tone.
Ashton rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. I looked away. This was absolutely pointless. How do couples manage?
Communication and trust is the biggest thing a couple needs, right? So explain to me how Ashton has a girlfriend himself, and yet this boy doesn't know the first thing on making friends. He does realize that doesn't he?
But then again we're not friends. My goal by the end of this was for to make sure that would change.
"Let's start easy, what's your favorite color?" I ask.
He's head is turned to the side, looking away from me. I can't tell whether he's thinking of answering or he's trying to ignore me. It's one if the two, but from his blank expression it's hard to tell.
I heave a low sigh as I look down at the floor. The white carpet floor. His floor is carpet, but I was looking at a different colored carpet. A white rectangle that was below my legs were where my eyes had been staring at.
"Green."
My head went up and I furrowed my eyebrows, gazing over at Ashton who was still looking away. "What?" I whispered, quietly.
He turned his heads towards me and met my eyes with those hazel eyes that could make any girl want to melt.
Wait, what the hell did I just say?
"My favorite color? It's green." he replied.
I leaned back in my seat. "Is there a reason why it's green? I was expecting blue since apparently you're into blue eyed girls." I smirked, restating what his brother said.
He looked to his side again and I saw a small smile form on his lips. He turned his head back to me, a smirk plastered on his face.
"It's associated with strong ambitions," he says, looking deep in thought. He chuckled and added, "My brother told me once that it symbolizes growth, even though dark green can also symbolize envy and jealousy."
I sit up straight, listening to everything he just said. His smile and those hazel eyes could make any girls stomach flip.
He had a handsome and genuine smile that curved at the edges of his lips. That really could make anyone faint.
And no, I'm not exaggerating. His smile is honestly the cutest thing.
Oh god- What the hell is happening to me?
"What about you, sidekick? What's your favorite color?" He asks, staring at me intensely.
I roll my eyes at the nickname. It does get annoying, but I'm just used to it by now. I already should've been when he said it the second time.
"Black," I reply. He raises an eyebrow at me. "Is there a reason why, Banks?"
I open my mouth, but no words decide to fly out of it. I close it as I think about it.
Black.
Color of depression, lost, sadness, I could go on. A very dull, but clear message it gives to people. When people think of black, they usually think of funerals or emo. To me, there's more meaning to it that other people don't understand.
"Black comes across as a depressing and plain color, but I see it as change," My mind jumps to the black rose and then my sister. I realize a smile builds on my lips.
"It can be a bad change, a good change, both or neither. You never know. I see black as something as unpredictable. It has various meanings." And I meant it.
Black gave me a sign of new future, it might be bad since a black hole or a void is usually the color back. But you never truly know if it's good or bad, you just have to find out yourself. So you take the first step and see how long you go.
Ashton looks at me, speechless. A lost for words. Dumbfounded to say the least. His face is all that needs to tell me what his expression is, he's astonished.
I make a pride looking expression and laugh at Ashton who's jaw dropped after I finished talking. His face was priceless.
"Wow," was all that came out of him. I raised an eyebrow, smirking. "that was deep." he muttered, a low voice clinging to his words.
Good, he's impressed. I always was good at making people a lost for words. It was my specialty.
I clear my throat and stare back at the mindless zombie who hadn't said or moved for like two minutes. I cross my arms across my chest and wait for him to move or saw something.
He doesn't.
I raise an eyebrow at him when he continues to look at me, gazed. I roll my eyes when he doesn't say anything. I was hoping by now he would have said something, but when my patience reached its breaking point I decided to do it myself, "ASHTON!" I yelled.
He jerked backwards at my yell and gave me an apologetic smile as he sat himself back down on his bed comfortably. I rolled my eyes at him again, this time in a playful manner and thought of my next question.
"Favorite season and holiday." I looked up at him. "We're you thinking of a question?" He asked, reading my expression. I nodded and he chuckled to himself as I thought of my answer that I already knew.
"Fall definitely, it's the second coldest season and Halloween falls in there." I answered and he smacked his lips.
"Predictable."
I rolled my eyes. "Is it because I told you that horror is my favorite genre?"
He gave me a look, "What do you think, Banks?" he asked and I rolled my eyes again.
"Well what's yours?"
He looked slightly down, thinking to himself and I saw a slight frown, for a split second, but he hid it by letting a blank expression overlap his frown.
"Between Fall and Winter. It's cold and brings back a lot of memories, mostly happy ones." he tells me and I listen to each word.
Mostly happy ones, that means there's some that haunt him.
"And the other memories?" I prompt, hoping he'd tell me.
He looks away, letting a frown expose and for a second I feel bad. A second, but that second erased itself when he opens his mouth and says his response.
"I bury them deep inside till I forget them." His voice is icy and dark, but low. Low to the point where I can barely hear him and his response.
He is still looking away from me and I don't blame him. Whatever he's thinking of, it's the memories he's trying to forget. He looks deep in thought with a dour frown written across his face, yet a tempestuous look is dominating his features.
Whatever those memories are, they are a burden to Ashton, but I have a feeling he'll never be able to forget about them.
From this moment, I realize Ashton is much more gloomy and vulnerable than how his persona shows. It gets in the way of you seeing reality. I have the urge to take advantage, but my body stays still.
Not right now. My mind tells me and I listen to it. I've always been one to listen to my conscience and head whether than what most people listen to. A heart, which in my opinion is stupid.
I'm glad we're getting somewhere, but disappointed that we're not where I want us to be. Five steps behind from where our steps should have already been.
Ashton is secretive, there's no doubt he has a hard shell. But everyone has their weakness. I just needed to find his.
Unintentionally, I get up and head for his bed and plop down next to him. He looks back at me, furrowing his eyebrows at me. I pull a strand of my hair back by putting it behind my ear and look straight at Ashton.
"You don't have to forget," I tell him, he stares at me, into me as our eyes meet and we refuse to look away. I scoot closer to him so that we were only a few inches away from each other.
"You can hold that memory that bothers you and grow from it, forgetting about it will only ruin you."
He doesn't look away, I do the same. We both stare at each other for seconds that turn into minutes and minutes that start to feel like hours. Up close, Ashton is even more attractive.
His hazel eyes stare right into mine while his milk chocolate hair matches perfectly. I never meet a lot of people with green eyes, the only ones I know are Aiden and Ashton. Ashton has the green type of hazel eyes that could make your stomach start doing acrobatic tricks.
We don't say much to each other, just stare. I would have thought it'd be creepy, but some part of me was hoping this moment wouldn't end. Probably the side that is rooting for me to win this bet.
"Thanks," he says, appreciated, "I'm guessing you had experience in doing so if you're suggesting for me to do the same."
I force a smile, completing hiding my authentic expression. "You could say that."
Not even close to my experiences. But he doesn't have to know that.
He examines my expression and closes his eyes while he smacks his lips.
"You never had those experiences, didn't you?" He questions, seeing straight through my lies. I furrow my eyebrows, pretending to act confused. He raises an eyebrow at me.
He knows I'm lying.
I sigh, erasing my fake expressions and he eyes me. His eyebrow still raised at me. I bite the inside of my lip and he notices.
"No, I didn't." I confirmed his question, knowing he already could tell I was lying. There was no point in trying to lie to him.
"I just wanted to make you feel better since you were in a vulnerable state."
And that's the truth. No half truth, no small white lie. The full truth. I didn't know what made me decide to comfort him, it just happened.
Ashton was hard to lie to. He pushed the conversation, prompting it. He could see a white lie from Kansas. There was no way I could lie to him even if my facial expressions and body language told him otherwise.
"Well it worked," he says. A small chuckle escaping his lips. "Thanks, sidekick. You know, you're not as bad as when we first met," he compliments, grinning at me.
Memories of us meeting start to come back to me. I roll my eyes playfully at him while I tried fighting a smile.
It was up until now that we realized how close we were. Our bodies were inches away, we moved any closer we'd practically be up against each other. Either that was what I wanted or needed so this hang out was totally pointless.
I still exactly didn't know much about him.
"So, what's your favorite season?"
~•~
A Couple of Hours Later
It's been a couple of hours of sitting in this room, talking and laughing with Ashton, getting absolutely no work done.
We both were laughing at a joke Ashton had made and for a split second I felt actually happy, but I didn't want to think about that too much.
It had been going good so far, I found out a lot about Ashton. Only bad thing is, nothing too personal came up during our conversation.
"Can't believe how long we've been talking for," I nodded as we both turned our heads to look at the clock that was on his desk.
"It's been like two hours and we haven't gotten anything done." I added and he chuckled, pushing himself off his bed. I did the same.
"I'm going to swing by the kitchen and get myself an apple. Want one?" he asked.
The thought of food made my stomach turn.
I shook my head. "My stomach kind of hurts, I'll pass." He cocked his head to the side and stared at me, examining me like he knew I was trying to let a white lie slip by.
"You want me to get you some water?" I shook my head again, waving him off.
"It's fine. I'll manage."
He examined my expression before finally sighing and leaving the room. I let a breath out that I didn't know I had been holding and looked at his room, closely.
My eyes studied the room and a picture in a black frame caught my eye. I walked over to it and picked up the frame, carefully taking the picture out and held it on my hand.
In the picture was a woman and a man next to each other and there was a baby in the woman's hands. When I looked closer at the picture, I saw a hint of green in the baby's eyes. My mind immediately jumped to Ashton and I placed the picture back inside the frame.
I picked up the other picture next to it and saw the same woman holding hands with a young boy who looked like the age between five and six.
Holding her other hand was the same man from the other picture and he was carrying a toddler who had a huge smile on his face.
The young boy had the same eyes as the baby in the first picture and my mind again jumped to Ashton. When I put the pieces together which took about two seconds, I realized who everyone was.
The first picture was Ashton's parents and Ashton as an infant. The second had to be Ashton, his parents, and Cason. Any other conclusion wouldn't have made sense in this scenario.
I put the picture down and sat on Ashton's bed. Ashton didn't bring his mother up once during our conversations, it gave me the idea that his mom had abandoned him. But it had to be deeper than that.
If his mom abandoned him, Ashton probably would have a fear of abandonment if he had a few people in his life abandon him, but that didn't seem like the case.
I snooped all over his room, hoping to find something to tell me about his mom before he came in, and found absolutely nothing. I groaned and kicked the bookshelf.
I looked around the room with my eyes and my eyes fell on the black guitar sitting in his corner. I walked over to the guitar in his room and when I picked it up, I could feel writing on the back, into the guitar.
There was something written on the back of it. I looked closer at the words, trying to define what it said.
Then it came to me and I realized what the words said. I reread the words over and over and fully understood what it had said.
I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and quickly put the guitar back in its place as I threw myself on the bed. Acting like nothing happened.
Ashton opened the door with an apple and a water in his hands. He sat down and handed me the water. I looked up at him, a confused look dominating my features. I took it, still looking confused and he raised an eyebrow.
"I got you it for your stomachache. Water usually helps and I could tell you we're trying to hide that lie." I gave him an apologetic smile and opened the water. I took a few sips and as he started a conversation, my mind kept rereading the words on the guitar.
"My son, remember that I always love you. And that my love will live in you, your father, and your brother. Even if it's coming from a wounded soldier in a graveyard."