I still can not believe this is happening.
Yeah, it's obvious that she betrayed my trust, used and abused me, and manipulated and brainwashed me as well. But my mind's still trying to get the meaning of this. My heart and mind are conflicted.
I'm her twin. Her sister. How could she do this to me?
I'm not lying when I say that I love her. It's not like there's a [stop loving] button I can push and whip the feeling I have for her. That's why it feels like my heart is being ripped apart.
That doesn't mean I'm not angry. That doesn't make me stop wanting to kill her. Cuz I am furious. I want to scream and beat the shit out of her. But no matter how much I want to hate her, the love I feel for her is still there, stubborn and unshakable.
She always had people's attention and love, while I didn't. She was loved by our parents in a way I never was, but I was happy to see her being loved, especially because I knew how much it hurts to not have my parents' affection. I was already bad when I was a kid, but she wanted to see it? What's wrong with her?
Did she hit her head when she was born or something like that?
And to be honest, she was right in one thing. I, really, never thought she would ever harm me. She was the person I carried the most besides my younger brother.
I wanted to see her smile, to see her happy just because she was who she was, the blood of my blood... But she architected my destruction since we were kids, she deeply hated me for being me!
I never realized how heartless she was. Or how foolish I'd been to trust her.
All I wanted to do now is talk back, but couldn't do this, once they cut my tongue off for the lies she made me tell. But again, no one would believe in me if I could speak right now either. They never did! Why would it be different now?
Humans are always searching for a target, someone they could hate and gossip about. A person to blame for all of their problems. And right now, that person is me.
I, indeed, am mainly being accused of murdering my older brother, who became the Grand Duke after my father's death (which I am also to blame for, thanks to Dalilah). But that's not the only reason. I wouldn't be having such a grand and public execution in front of the Imperial Palace just for that.
They discovered that I was the one who killed all those Princess and other nobles and innocents, which led them to believe that I was the one who caused the war, just like th prophecy my grandmother saw the night I and Dalilah were born. And when the other Kingdoms heard about that, they all asked for my death, for a piece of me. That's probably one of the reasons why I was dismembered, as well as to the 3rd Imperial Prince's pleasure.
And before I thought he had told them about what I did, because my sister, him, Octavian, and the late Empress, were the only ones who knew, once they were all on Dalilah's side, backing her. Especially because I killed Octavian, and the current Emperor, Joshua Caspien, killed his mother about a week before I murdered my brother. So it could only be Christopher or my twin.
Now I see that it was all part of her plans. And that she was probably the one who told them all about it with him. Bringing me to where I am now.
Fuck-
What power does a 'Villainess' have against a 'Saintess'? None. Not in this world, not in any. They would probably torture me a little more and make my death an even painful and bigger event, by claiming that I was trying to accuse the 3rd Imperial Prince's wife, of such a hideous crime.
Dalilah made me kill our parents... and Valerian. My baby brother. H-how could I've done something like that? How could I do that to Val?
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why hadn't I regained my consciousness back then? Why wasn't I strong enough to fight back and resist her manipulations?
Valerian... my dear younger brother who was always by my side and not hers. He may not have believed me when I said I had been born with magic, be he still was there with me. Picking fights with the people who said something ill-intended about me.
How could I do something like that to him? He trusted and loved me more than anyone in the world, and what did I do about that? I did to him exactly what Dalilah is doing to me now, but different from her, I cut his throat with my own hands.
Worst of all, he was only fifteen when she made me do that. He was still a kid.
I may still love Dalilah, but Val... I loved him more than anything. And just that is enough to make me start to truly hate her. Because Valerian was a precious and strong kid, who saw her true colors sooner than everyone. He tried to tell me, but I always fought with him because of it.
Damn, I was so stupid. So dumb. I should have listened to him, because he never lied to me. But I was so blind.
She made me the villainess of this story!
Still holding my jaw in a hard grip with her delicate hands she gave me the most despicable smile I have ever seen, "See you in hell, dear sister!" Dalilah moved away and gave a signal for the executioner.
I could only see his deep ruby-red eyes shining bright, and I felt his gaze piercing my soul. But it was strangely familiar and warm, even tho I'd never seen such eyes in my abhorrent life. At least, I don't believe I did.
Oh, fuck Dalilah! Fuck everyone! I don't want to die here.
I don't want to die. Not today. Not now. Please...
I don't want to die!
Please, if there are really a Godly being out there, give me another chance. If Mikla, the Goddess of Death, truly exists, give me another chance. Don't let me go to your domain just yet!
Just one more chance and I swear I'll do everything better, just, please, Goddess don't let me die like this. Let me repent. Let me do it again. I'll do better.
Please!
I know I did malefic things and I'm deeply sorry. I, truly, am! And I won't say that it was only Dalilah's fault, once I was the one who did it. She may have been the one controlling me, but I was her dagger, and it's the dagger that makes others bleed. But it wasn't my true self. So, please do not let me die here.
I want to live! I'll do everything in my power to make it right this time.
Just give me one more chance.
Only one, nothing more.
After I do what I have to do you can come to claim my tainted soul, Goddess. I don't even care if I have a horrible death after I get back at them. Just, please, I'm begging you, save me.
Save me, so I can save those who died by my hands. So I can save Valerian and my parents.
It doesn't need to be the Goddess if she doesn't exist. Just... someone save me, please. Spare my life just this once.
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