I didn't use the chair, but walked out slowly, to hear shouting in the kitchen and dad's raised voice, with mom, shooing him to lower his voice.
I was about to turn back when I heard Logan's voice, swearing at his father.
"I'll do whatever I have to do, to protect my family and that includes, the both of you!" He shouts back and I wonder what happened to cause his father to be angry with him. I've never seen or heard dad getting this upset with Logan.
Lowering his voice, but I still heard his words, "you're going down a dangerous path, a path your mother fought to get you out of. If you get in too deep, you will drown" I heard dad advise him and I think I understand a bit of what the conversation is about.
Rico!
I know it has to do with him and what happen to him. I just have a gut feeling about it, but it's my fault. I'm the one who exposed him, after he beat up Gwen, not Logan, me! I'm the one who saw him as the traitor and I forced my husband's to do what he did.
I was about to step further towards the kitchen when Justin who was sitting at the dining table stopped me, motioning for me to go back.
Ignoring him, I moved forward, but he silently stood up, with a firm expression, he points in the direction of my room.
Huffing, I stood my ground and points to where I stood, indicating that I'll remain put!
Justin reluctantly sat back down, watching me with hawk eyes.
Dad and Logan's voices had dropped, it was difficult to hear much of their conversation now, but the bits and pieces I heard, surprised me.
"Do you know what it's like coming out of a coma after three months?" He was asking his parents, his voice breaking. "During the last week, I heard everything that was being said around me! Every f***ing thing" he continues, his voice raising.
"I heard grandmother when she sent that ugly whore to kiss me, to wake me up!" He said in disgust and I'm standing with clenched fists, wondering, whose that ugly whore?
Logan continues to vent his rage, angrily. "I screamed for Jamie! I kept screaming and crying out for her to open the door for me to get out, but she didn't come, inspite of all my screaming she didn't hear me!" He says and my eye met Justin's. Did he know this?
Did Justin know about Logan's pain? A pain he hid from me?
My eyes got blurry as it started burning from unshed tears!
Logan never opened up to me!
"When I woke up, she wasn't there. Jamie wasn't there, only the nurses and the doctors. They were the one to greet me, not my wife." His revealed his disappointment!
I heard the dragging of a chair, then Logan continues, "I was so angry, I didn't want to come home right away! Justin, that mother***ker didn't explain anything to me."
I, now understood why I didn't see Logan much during his return from the hospital. I'm the one who hurt him. I'm the one who abandoned him in the hospital!
Logan was still speaking to his parents about things he'll never share with me.
With a heavy heart, I returned to my room, just needing to cry my heart out.
My husband felt abandoned by me and never mentioned it and even now that he knows the truth, it still hurts him. It still bothers him, that he's talking about it now!
Grabbing my chair, I used my back door and wandered towards the front of the cabin, settling in front of gramps favourite spot in front the lake.
I don't know how long I remain in the shaded area, that remains cool because of the lake.
I've resigned myself that I can't escape from Logan. I wish he would speak to me about everything.
Chuckling humorously at my hypocrisy, because I still have things I've never shared with him, but that was way before him and I.
Why does he still harbour these thoughts about me? I was and I'm still willing to give up my life for him!
Throwing my head back against the back of the chair, I look upwards smiling, sadly.
"I'm so sorry, I've failed you!" I whispered to grams. "I couldn't keep us together! I can't get my life in order! I have Jer living under conditions you would not approve of. I've lost Jess and it's my fault" I cried, admitting for the first time, that I am a failure.
I failed my marriage, I failed my husband. Others have to be waiting on me because I've become an invalid.
Jessica is right! It would have been better if I had disappeared when I had the chance, but now I can't! I'm also a failure at running away!
I can't ask anyone to betray Logan by helping me!
Jer!
I have to set him free from me, from here. I have to let Jer go and I will sell part of the land and give him the cash as a headstart for his future.
I heard footsteps thumping on the recently cut grass, but didn't turn around, I wish whoever it is would disappeared and leave me alone to wallow in my pity party.
"I've been searching all over the f***ing place for you" Logan rasped angrily.
Without turning around, I chuckle dryly, "it's a huge place, it takes time" I retorted, looking upwards.
Grabbing and spinning my chair angrily, "what the f**k is wrong with you now" Logan glared angrily at me, and I shrugged him off.
The ice in his eyes started melting as he watches my face, his fingers wiping the tears I forgot were falling.
Kneeling in front of me, "I'm sorry" he palms my face, staring into my eyes, melting the coldness in mines.
"It's frustrating to be searching for you all the time" Logan was saying when I cut him off.
Lowering my eyes to respond to him, "I never ask you to come looking for me" I said, much softer than I intended to, my voice breaking.