"Mr. V! Mr. V!!" halos gibain ni Anton ang pintuan ng bahay ni Mr. V nang gabing iyon. Ilang minuto pagkatapos mawalan ng malay si Erin sa harapan nila ay agad silang tumawag ng ambulansya para maisugod ito sa pinakamalapit na ospital. Ngunit imbes na sumunod sa ambulansya ay minabuti niyang dumiretso sa bahay ng taong puno't-dulo ng lahat ng ito. Matapos ng mainit na palitan nila ni Erin sa restaurant kung saang inakalang nagprospose rito ang kapatid niyang si Andrew, napagtanto niyang heto na nga ang katapusan. Erin's attack only meant she needed his heart now more than ever, subalit pagkatapos ng inamin nito sa kanya parang nawalan siya ng lakas para umalis sa daigdig nang hindi nasasabi sa dalaga na mahal niya rin ito. Hindi na rin niya maintindihan. Before all this fiasco started, all he wanted was a way out. A peaceful and meaningful way to end everything. Subalit simula nang hayaan niyang mapalapit ang sarili sa dalaga ay nagbago ang lahat. Suddenly, he saw life differently. Erin's determination to stay alive made him question his willingness to give his life so easily. Suddenly, death isn't something he wanted anymore. He wanted more. He wanted her.
Pupungas pa si Alvin nang pagbuksan siya ito ng pinto, "Anton, what the—"
"I can't do it," walang-lakas na pag-amin niya sa harapan ng lalaki.
"Then don't," Mr. V says simply.
"But—"
"Anton, what do you want?"
It's the second time his doctor asked him that and unlike the first time, now he's certain. He's sure he's choosing life, but how can he choose life when the woman he wanted to share his life with is fighting for her own? Erin's life is locked with his. If he lives, she dies. Can he really enjoy the life he now appreciates without the reason why he wanted live it in the first place?
"Anton, what do you want?" ulit ni Mr. V sa tanong.
And just like that, he's decided, "I can't do both. You asked me to save her life and make sure she's happy. I would gladly give her my heart but it's up to you to make her happy. Spend your remaining days with your daughter. For fuck's sake, be with her."
Tiningnan lang siya nito, marahil ay tinitimbang ang susunod na mga salitang isasagot sa kanya. Totoong may sakit si Mr. V na brain tumor, subalit ang life span ng doktor ay nakadepende sa kung kailan mahihinog ang tumor sa parte ng utak niya hanggang sa sumabog ito. He's literally a ticking bomb that has stayed hidden and alive for the last few years. Kung bakit pinili nitong magtago sa mundo at magpaniwalang patay na ay hindi rin niya mabigyang-paliwanag. But that ends today. Kailangan ito ng anak niya. Kay tagal na namuhay sa galit at hinanakit ni Erin dahil sa pagaakalang iniwanan at pinabayaan siya ng kanyang ama, hinding-hindi ito magiging masaya hangga't hindi ito natututong magpatawad. It's just sad he won't be around to witness it, pero heto siya ngayon at kinukumbinsi ang eccentric na ama ng babaeng pinakamamahal niya na maging matapang at harapin ang taong parehong kinatatakutan at magpapasaya sa kanya.
Life and its fucking ironies.
"Is that really what you want?"
Is he fucking serious?
"What the fuck does it matter? Erin needs my heart. I want her to live."
"Do you want to die?"
"Nang-aasar ka ba talaga?"
Imbes na sumagot nang maayos ay natawa lang ito at nilawakan ang pagkakabukas ng pinto upang makapasok siya, "Come in for a second, Anton."
"I need to get to the hospital, I just came to tell you a small change in the original plans—"
"Shut up and listen. Do you want to die?" mas madiin na ngayon ang pagtatanong nito, tila may nais ipahiwatig.
"No. I want to be with Erin," there's longing and finality in Anton's reply, as if it's both a painful truth and an impossible dream.
"Then fucking do that. Be with her. I never asked you to give her your heart, literally. Geez."
"Then what— You're just gonna sit around and watch her die??!" gulong-gulo na si Anton.
"Of course not," nilingon nito ang relong pambisig. "Actually her transplant is already happening, a few hours now my daughter will live longer than she ever thought she could. And you're gonna make her happy for the rest of her life."
Anton is at a loss for words, he's close to thinking somebody's playing a twisted prank on him and it's not even remotely funny. Mr. V led him to a widescreen monitor where Andrew's smiling face is shown.
"Hey, man, if you're watching this, I'm glad. Because then I know you're finally about to get the happiness you have kept from yourself all your life. I know this is sudden but I want you to know that I've been in on this since the beginning. You are my baby brother and I will always watch over you. I won't be dead but I will be gone. Take care of yourself. Choose life. Be happy."
Tulala pa rin si Anton kahit na tapos na ang clip at itim na lang ang nakikita sa monitor, hindi makapaniwala sa nasaksihan sa nakalipas na minuto. It's as if his whole life was turned upside-down in a matter of minutes. Nanlambot ang mga tuhod niya at kinailangang kumapit sa isa sa mga upuan upang hindi tuluyang bumagsak. Andrew...
"You were his final mission before accepting The Oath. What he said is true, he is not dead but he is gone."
Anton felt his hands trembling, followed by the tears he never knew he was capable of producing. He is crying, shaking and wrecked in powerful tears. Grieving over someone whose existence he never fully appreciated. Andrew saved him, like how he always does.
"Andrew knew the demons you fought everyday because he was fighting them with you. You may not see it then, but he did. Silently, yet as bravely as he could. He knew your condition, that's why he begged both your parents to keep you in the facility. A few weeks before I started my methods on you, Andrew made a deal with me. He will save my daughter if I save you in return. Nakita niya ang naging paghihirap mo, at inalam niya ang backgroung ng field of studies ko kaya alam niyang ako lang ang makakatulong sa'yo. I wasn't convinced at first, but it worked. Andrew made me see it."
"What does he mean 'he's not dead but he's gone'?" hindi napigilang tanong ni Anton.
Nagkibit-balikat lang si Mr. V, hindi rin kasi niya alam kung paano sasagutin ang binata. All he knows is Andrew is part of something even bigger than both of them.
"I don't know either, son. But make peace with the fact that Andrew finished his mission successfully. All he wanted was to see you find the reason to choose life, now you did. With Erin."
Erin...
"I need to go to the hospital."
IT'S BEEN three days since the operation and it was a success. Ang hinihintay na lang nila ngayon ay ang paggising ni Erin. Kahapon ay inilipat na ito sa regular room mula sa pamamalagi sa Intensive Care Unit, ayon kay Dr. Alfonso ay stabilized na ang vitals nito at nakakahinga na nang hindi kailangan ng tulong ng makina. Lumabas sandali ang Ninang nito para umuwi at makapagbihis kaya naiwan siya rito bilang bantay. He hasn't slept since the day of the operation, nanatili lang siya sa tabi ni Erin habang hawak ang kamay nito.
Please, Erin, please come back to me. Come back to me, baby.
He has no idea how to begin apologizing to Erin for everything he did and said that led her to this day. Sa dami ng tumatakbo ngayon sa utak ni Anton, one thing is certain—he's never gonna let Erin go. Hindi niya pa alam kung anong sasabihin rito paggising nito, a part of him even expects a strong right hook from her, pero wala na siyang pakialam. Ang gusto lang niya ay bumuka na ang mga mata nito at tuluyan nang magising. He watched her sleeping so peacefully, like an angel. How can she love someone like me?
His mind wandered back to the night when she told him she loved him, that he's the one she wanted. Somebody wanted him, she wanted me. Namasa ang sulok ng kanyang mga mata habang binaha ng kakaibang init ang kanyang dibdib. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam na mahal ka rin ng taong mahal mo, ang makatanggap ng pagmamahal na alam mong tutumbas sa pagmamahal mo sa isang tao. Ang malaman na kamahal-mahal ka rin pala. He spent his days knowing he's someone difficult to love, siya nga mismo ay hirap mahalin ang pagkatao niya kaya paano niya aasahan ang ibang tao na mahalin rin siya? At kung hindi niya alam kung paano mahalin, paano siya magmamahal? But with Erin...
It was easy. Maybe over the months he silently followed her, studying her, eventually he fell for her. He fell in love with her wit, her courage and her strong will to live. He fell in love with a woman he never actually met but he knew everything about her. The mystery aroused him as much as knowing every practical detail about her. The way she carried everything with grace and spirit made him crave for her in ways he can never put in words. She is all that he never expected—and he was more than fine going along with all the spunk and mystery she has to offer. Kaya siguro inabot ng maraming buwan bago siya tuluyang hindi nakatiis at nilapitan ito nang gabing agawan niya ito ng taxi, dahil alam niyang sa oras na hayaan niya ang sariling tuluyang mapalapit rito ay mawawalan ng saysay ang lahat ng pinaghirapan nila. He will deviate from their plans and will selfishly have Erin all to himself.
While he was following her around, he also tried looking for other donors. Someone who might actually fit the cut so he won't have to stop seeing her, he won't have to give up the chance of actually meeting her someday. Suddenly all those months while he was following her around, it wasn't just about keeping an eye on Erin. All those months, it has been about looking after her. How badly he wanted to tell her that it is only within the spaces of her fingers that he'd like to build his home, and it's only within the shadows of her smiles that he'd bury his soul.
Erin...
At siyanga, tila isang himala, bumuka ang mga mata ng dalaga. Inilibot nito ang mga mata sa kabuuan ng silid hanggang sa unti-unting naghinang ang kanilang paningin. Ilang sandaling hindi makapaniwala si Anton, parang sinikdo ang kanyang sikmura at unti-unting nagliparan ang mga paru-paro sa kanyang tiyan. Speechless yet overwhelmed, he finally crossed the small space between their faces and claimed her lips. It was a soft, lingering kiss, he kissed her as carefully as he possibly could—scared that he will hurt her again in some way. He's never good with words but when their eyes met, it was as if something just clicked and kissing her is the most sensible thing to do. Every day as he quietly watched her from afar, he promised himself that one day, one day he would kiss her and everything will just freeze for that moment. No more rules or always playing by the book, nothing—not even time would keep them apart, everything would just stop as if the world owed it to them to have this moment. He promised himself that kissing Erin will become his reality and when that day comes, he'd know they've finally won. And, God, they did.
Nang maghiwalay ang mga labi nila'y tahimik pa rin silang dalawa, nilulunod ang mga sarili sa mga mata ng bawat isa. His dark brown hues matched her clear brown orbs, both breathless and smiling, the rhythmic beats of their heart said all the words for them.
"Erin—"
Handa nang magsimulang magpaliwanag si Anton ngunit pinigilan siya ni Erin, "I know." Nakangiti at may kislap sa mga mata ng dalaga na lalong nagpaganda rito sa paningin ng binata.
"You do?"
"Yup, Andrew told me."
"He did?"
Erin grinned, "Huwag kang magseselos, ha. Pero kasama ko si Andrew habang tulog ako."
Now Anton is really confused. Paano mangyayari iyon kung hindi niya ito iniwan magmula nang makalabas ito sa operating room?
"He came to me in a dream. It's impossible, I know, but it's true. He explained everything to me and somehow his words brought me clarity. Sobrang weird pero pakiramdam ko totoo ang lahat. I can't even begin to explain it—" nagsisimula na itong maoverwhelm sa marahil ay daan-daang salitang gustong gamitin upang maipaliwanag ang lahat ng nangyari sa 'pagbisita' ni Andrew rito sa panaginip ngunit pinigilan na siya ni Anton. Because, deep down, he understood it too.
"Okay, okay. I believe you."
"You do?"
"Yes, baby."
"Oh, good. That's good," she visibly relaxed and smiled. Sumandal ito sa higaan at pinagmasdan ang magkasalikop nilang palad. "Say that word again, ang sarap pala sa ears."
"What? 'Yes'?" tanong ni Anton.
"No, the other one."
Ngumiti ang binata bago unti-unting lumapit sa gawing tainga ni Erin upang ibulong ang salitang nais nitong marining, mga salitang matagal na panahon na rin niyang nais sabihin sa dalaga, "I love you, baby."
Walang pagsidlan ang ligaya ni Anton nang tuluyan siyang yakapin ni Erin nang mahigpit. If this is what he gets in exchange of what he thought was 'peace' then he would gladly have it. Hindi na siya makapaghintay na alamin ang kahulugan ng totoong pamumuhay sa piling ni Erin, ang babaeng pinakamamahal niya. At sa panibagong buhay na pinagkaloob sa kanilang dalawa, pinapangako niyang hinding-hindi lilipas ang bawat araw na hindi niya pinararamdam sa dalaga kung gaano ito kahalaga sa kanya.