Finally, I sat in the Promenade Plantéea Park in Paris with an evening picnic of crusty bread and Cantal cheese as I watched one of the most beautiful sunsets since I had begun my journey. It looked like the sun was bursting into the colours of fire and then fading into pinks, blues, and purples.
The couple next to me seemed to be having a good time as they snuggled on their bench. I watched as the man got down on his knee.
'Elizabeth, I have been a fool. I left you behind while I went on business trips and travelled the world. What I realized was the fact that there is no place I would rather be than with you. There is no other woman who can ever come close to who you are or what you represent for me. You are my everything and you always will be. Without you I have no purpose to live, breathe or go on. I love you. Will you marry me?'
Elizabeth, the lady who was sitting next to him, was too happy to say a word.
Love is a peculiar thing, I mused, watching them embrace. When you love, you have so much to be grateful for and to live for, but when you lose it, you go on with every single day as if you are just a shell. Survival is the only reason one is on this earth. It has nothing to do with the fact that you feel anything as powerful as love any longer.
'Oh, Steve! I love you too.' I heard her words, tight with emotion.
~
'It is a beautiful day. What are you doing here? Are you travelling for business as well?' An old man dressed in a business suit asked me as he sat on the bench beside me. I hadn't asked him to join me as I munched on a chocolate croissant that morning, but I didn't mind the intrusion at all. I realized, with a pang in my heart, that I was lonely.
I shook my head and tilted my bag of pastries towards him in invitation. He grinned and reached in and pulled out a pain au chocolat. He held it up in a silent toasting gesture and took a healthy bite. 'Mm,' he mumbled as crumbs fell onto his lap. 'Thank you my friend. I owe you a coffee for this treat. But please, tell me, why are you in beautiful Paris?'
'I quit my job to travel,' I explained, setting my own croissant on my lap. 'I have seen some incredible places, and Paris seems to be one of the most amazing cities I have seen with my own eyes. There is nothing that could ruin this day and the beauty that it holds,' I said.
The man laughed. 'You have never been in love obviously. Every time I was away from my young bride, it would nearly kill me. There was something inside of me that I couldn't replace. It was as if I couldn't survive without her.'
'That is the problem. I have loved, and that is why I am travelling. I am trying to escape,' I admitted quietly.
The old man shook his head slowly. 'No matter what your thoughts are on women, let me tell you what I have learned about them. I have quite a bit of experience since my hair is turning white,' he joked.
'Please,' I invited. 'I am interested in your thoughts.'
He took another large bite of the pastry before he spoke. 'My Nancy was a lot like you. She was everything a man could ever dream of. I was nearly overwhelmed when I realized how much I fancied her. I was also a fool for not telling her how much I cared earlier. When I finally did, her past took on a life of itself and she allowed it to get between us. She loved someone who left her life in such an uproar that it scarred her beautiful heart.'
I winced, thinking of Nisha. I wondered how she and Kabir were doing. Were they married yet?
He continued. 'No matter what I told her, the scars were deep, and it took a long time for her to open her heart. By then we both had careers, and we got married. Now, as time has passed, I would do anything if I could just have her back.'
'What happened?' I asked.
'She divorced me,' the old man sighed. 'She could never forget the man who broke her heart, and she refused to let my love heal her.'
I looked down at the freshly-cut grass under my feet. Before I could say anything, the old man continued.
'Remember, my friend. Love is the strangest thing. When you have love, you will be over the moon and it will seem as if nothing can stop you. Love is something that opens your eyes to new discoveries, even in old places. You want to discover the wonders of the world all over again with the person who holds your heart in their own. When you lose it, all that once seemed to make the world around you will shatter.
'When you love someone, time is no object, but the memories are always stamped in your heart. I think it would be foolish for you to be so young and try to escape already what love has to offer. Don't make the same mistakes I made in my past! Go out there and live and love. In the end, we always regret the choices we didn't make, the love we didn't accept and the dreams we didn't fight for.
'When feelings are pure and the heart is true, even God is forced to change destiny,' he grinned.
My curiosity was certainly piqued. 'But can I give up all this?' I asked, gesturing at the scene in front of us. 'All I've ever wanted was to travel. Should I give it all up for one woman? And what if she is the wrong woman for me?'
'Son,' he said, patting me on the knee, 'some women can steal your heart by their beauty, some can steal your mind by their intelligence and others can steal your soul by their presence. But if you meet the one who can steal your everything without doing anything, that's the one made for you.'
He stood and brushed the crumbs from his suit. 'Why would you chase your dreams alone when you can have your soul mate beside you?' He reached out and I shook his hand.
'You make some very good points,' I agreed. 'Thank you.'
He smiled. 'Maybe you can wait for days, weeks, months, years or even decades. You can waste so much time by just looking at the calendar and let all the tiny precious moments slip by. But for some of us, there's only now, only today. And the truth is, you never really know when God might need back the ones we love. So cherish every moment and everyone in your life.'
The old man left me wondering. Perhaps he was right.
I was not done travelling yet, though. There were more places I was desperate to explore. My plane landed in Halifax, Nova Scotia and I rented a car. I had heard people refer to parts of Cape Breton Island as the edge of the world. I wanted to see it before I returned to India. Later in the day, I crossed the swing bridge over the Canso Causeway and arrived on the island, smiling as the fog drifted around me.
The following day, I teetered on the edge of the cliff of a campground at Meat Cove, watching the surf pummel the boulders below me. The sunshine was comforting on my back, its rays wrapping over my shoulders.
The air around me was void of human voices and any mechanical sounds. Here, at the northern tip of Cape Breton Island, I truly felt as if I was at the edge of the world. I looked to my left, taking in the gentle slope that curved out of sight. It looked safe, but I knew the perception was false, and that the land abruptly fell away into the cold waters below. To my right there was a small beach, dwarfed by threatening boulders above it. While the tiny area looked peaceful, the boulders peppering the sand indicated how treacherous the area was.
I threw my head back until the sun at my back heated my upturned face. How long have I been running? I asked myself, finally giving life to the spark of loneliness that had been threatening to ignite. My mind pondered over the last moments with Meera. If I closed my eyes, I could feel her lips gently brushing the tender spot behind my earlobe. Absently, my hand reached up to touch that very spot, but my touch brought no satisfaction. I needed her; I needed that beautiful, brown-eyed creature that I had thrown away.
At moments like this, I wondered if I'd made a mistake in leaving Meera. My chin dropped to my chest in defeat. All this travelling, all the breathtaking sights I'd seen had been worthless alone. 'Seeing the world,' I muttered, my voice foreign in my ears. 'For nothing! I've been such a coward, running ... for what? And from what?'
Absently, I threaded my fingers through the grass beside me, imagining the blades were Meera's fingers. How selfish I'd been. I wanted her, but I didn't deserve to ever hear her soft laugh again. Not after I'd left her, walking out of her life without even saying goodbye.
I no longer saw the beauty in front of me. Instead, I conjured an image of my beloved Meera. She was sitting in her dark room, tears flowing hotly down her cheeks. Her hair was dishevelled and her proud shoulders were pressed down by the enormity of her sorrow. I had done that to her.
I heard a tearing sound as the vista returned to my sight. I looked down and realized I was holding a handful of grass, pulled by its roots in my own frustration.
I stood quickly, almost unaware of the treacherous drop in front of me. In a more rational mind, I would be terrified at how easily I could plunge to my death. But I was not rational now. I was desperate to return to my place. The moment I realized I could only be truly whole when I returned to Meera, the loneliness took form and pressed against me so I could barely breathe. I needed to find her.