"When love got to intense, the heart doesn't calm down. Always longing. Always in hurry. In panic. Too happy. To lonely. Breaking. Mending. When love gets to intense, it's become powerful--and destructive. Careful. Guard your heart before it's destructed."
CHAPTER 4
I miss you
"Do I have a choice." I said, then he lend me on his car in a gentle way.
The car started to engine. And silence remain us. I was looking outside the window and thinking that. What will happen next in my life? I'm still longing for my mother dead, and I can't stay longer nor go back to our house Cause every corner of our house I've still remember her.
Do you ever wake up and feel like you drowning? Do you cry yourself to sleep because you remember all your regrets and mistakes? Do you ever just wish you could go to sleep and never wake up? Do you ever feel invisible and insecure? I definately do.
Maraming katanungan mahirap sagutin. At may mga bagay na mahirap ipaliwanag. Minsan tinatanong ko ang aking sarili, Ano nga ako? Anong karapatan kung mabuhay kung sa gayon wala na ang kaisa isa masasandalan ko sa lahat ng bagay. Hindi ko alam kung anong saysay ng buhay ko na patuloy parin nangangapa sa dilim.
It's really hard to accept the fact that I regret everything what I've done before. But, yeah! What's done is done. Regret everything... I'm moving on and looking forward. forgetting the bad memories . But I can't help it. It's easy to say, but squeeze blood from a stone.
Then, suddenly I realized that there's a person that only I have.. My dad.
Moreover, it's been a day since last time I saw my dad. Furthermore I admit I'd badly miss him right now, I want to visit him but i have things to do.
After spending time looking at the outside, I glance at rraffy on driver seat, and I can see clearly how gorgeous he is. hes manly features, a serious face. Suddenly, he caught me looking I immediately look away and clear my throats.. That was embracing..
The storm broks just as we reached my condo.
"We're here." Rraffy said while staring at me, I can see in his eyes longing, and filed of emotions, And I have this feeling when I'm looking to him na kung saan parang matagal ko na siyang kilala.
I've stay on his car for a while, hindi ko alam kung bakit parang ayaw kung bumaba at manatili nalang dito sa loob.
These past few weeks, Hindi ko parin maintindihan ang mga panaginip ko, it's weird na kung saan may kasama akong lalaki at parang ang saya ko pag kasama ko siya. at simula nun sunod sunod na yung panaginip ko about that guy. Hindi ko makita ng maayos ang kanyang itsura sa panaginip ko, kaya nagtataka parin ako kung sino nga yun? Anong konektado ko sakanya? Minsan din, napaginipan ko na may di kami pag kakaunawaan ng lalaki sa panaginip ko, at nagigising nalang ako na lumuluha.
It's weird right?
So, that day I've confront my dad. and asking if I have amnesia, but he chuckled and said no.
At binalewala ko nalang iyon.
"Hm, thank you. Sa paghatid mo sa akin, mauuna na ako." pababa na sana ako. kaso lang, bigla niya akong hinila at niyakap.
Biglang akong napakurap at na tulala.
My heart was beating so fast again..
Nangyari na'to dati, sa tuwing nakikita ko siya. Hindi lubusan maiwasan kung ano ba tong nangyayari sa akin.
"I badly miss you." he whisper in my ears. Isa isang bumabagsak ang mga luha ko na diko namamalayan.
"Come back to me." he added.
Bigla ko siyang natulak dahil sa pagkabahala at pagkataranta. At dali daling pinunasan ang luha ko.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hug you May naalala lang ako." paghingi niya ng tawad at umiwas ng tingin.
"Mauuna na ako." then, I run as fast I can While trembling.
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Narito ako ngayun sa aking silid, nakatulala at iniisip ang mga nangyari kanina.
I have this guts that my dad kept secret to me And hiding something Kung ano man yan malalaman ko rin.
I toke a deep breath.. And stood up in my bed Pumunta ako sa study table ko at kinuha ang aking loptop then gumawa ako ng facebook account.
And I search Rraffy Santiago. Pero walang lumabas.
After a minutes searching him, nakita ko narin sa wakas ang kanyang account. Kaya naman pala diko mahanap hanap, dahil iba ang kanyang surname, not Santiago but a middle name.
Rraffy Santiago lacsamana
I click hes profile and scroll hes account. He has so many follower. Yah! No doubt..
I tried to search some articles. Dahil wala akong nakukuhang matinong impormasyon sakanya. But, wala akong makita article. Maybe they want to be private.
I heard Lacsamana Empire is the most influental and powerful in bussiness industry. The second one is Succor Empire, which is own by my family.
And I also heard that Rraffy Will be the next CEO, in their company. According to her cousin.
Pagtingin ko sa orasan, it's already in the midnight. May pasok pako bukas Kaya I decided to close my loptop instead... At nag inat ng katawan.. Papunta sa aking kama.. Kanina pa ako humihikab.
This day is full of shocked. And I can't handle what I've discover today. That I can bare with it.
Marami akong gustong itanong kay dad. Pero diko alam kung paano, lalo na ngayon na umalis ako sa bahay at dina bumalik dun. Siguro, hahanap nalang ako ng tyempo.
Naalala ko nalang bigla si mom, when she was alive. We've always hangout, cause dady always busy in our company. That's why he don't have time to me, and also my mom. kaya malayo ang loob ko sakanya, Madalas rin namin siyang hindi nakakasabay sa hapag kainan. dahil lagi siyang maaga umaalis, at di korin siya naaabotan sa bahay when I've got arrived from school.
My mom is my everything, when I have a problem she always there for me. Cheer me up. And also my mom have no interest in our bussiness. Kasi mas gusto niyang manatili nalang sa bahay at para maalagaan ako. Mahilig din siya sa mga halaman kaya naman we have garden in our house backyard. but everything was change, nung nalaman namin na she has a stage 4 cancer. Hearing those I felt like that day is my crack of doom. My mom did not make it, didn't survied her treatment. Dahil nga malala na ang kanyang sakit. So she endeed give up. That day I was really sad. And my anger to my dad, I blame him.
Also, That day Nagaway kami ni dad. And I was totally reckless, sad and anger. diko na alam ang gagawin ko parang binagsakan ako ng langit at lupa kaya pumunta ako sa bar para malimutan saglit ang aking problema.
Naalala ko nalang isang araw nagising ako sa ospital. At di sinabi sa akin ni dad kung bakit ako nandun? Ano bang nangyari sakin? That day Sinisisi ko parin si dad sa pagkamatay ni mom. So, nung nakalabas na ako ng hospital, I decided to leave. And lived indepently.
it's really hurt that, yah! Life is just temporary. We can't just go back what done is done.
Time goes by, and so is your troubles. No one have perfect life. No one is perfect.
Diko na namalayan tinangay na pala ako ng antok sa kakaisip.
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Hey! Guys, You enjoy it? What's your thoughts? I just want to know if you like it or not. And if you felt satisfy with this chapter.