"I'm out of sticks to sharpen, Linx," Kiy said walking up to him. They were outside the suns high above them. Linx looked up from the stone he was sharpening into an arrowhead.
For the last three days, the boy had been walking around forlorn and melancholy, his head directed at the ground at his feet, and his voice sounding like tears threatened. Linx opened his arms. "Come here, little one." Kiy stepped into them, not having to wait long before those strong arms gathered him up against an equally strong chest. Kiy felt safe like this. Less vulnerable and less afraid of what the world might throw at him. Linx smiled as little arms wrapped around his much larger ones, little hands grasping. "You okay?"
"I don't feel good." Linx checked the boy's forehead.
"You don't have a fever. You are pale though." He kissed the sweaty hairline and stood, his arms bracing the boy's legs and head. Kiy turned his face into Linx's chest, blocking out the suddenly too bright light of midday.
They entered the darkened cabin and Linx carried Kiy over to the couch. "Kiy, let me set you down here," Kiy whined pathetically and tightened his grip around Linx. "Alright. Alright." Linx sat with the boy in his lap and gently pet the soft hair from his face. "What doesn't feel good, little one?" Linx asked him gently.
"I don't know," came the pouty reply.
"Well, is it physical or is it mental?" Linx implored further.
"Both." He curled further into Linx's body. Linx pulled over a blanket and covered the boy as he began to shake.
"What hurts physically?" Linx spoke so softly Kiy's eyes began to water.
"My head hurts and my tummy doesn't feel good. And I feel all hot and cold at once." Kiy leaned into the cool touch of Linx's hand as he wiped away fallen tears.
"Alright. Now, what hurts mentally?" This had always been a successful way of getting Kiy to tell him what was wrong. Break it down to less complex and direct questioning.
"My head. And my heart. It's all making my tummy flip around." He sounded so much like a child then. So much more than he did on a day to day. Linx fought a smile remembering how much of a baby Kiy became when sick either at head or heart.
Linx kept petting him and it calmed him immensely. "What's got you all twisted up, little one?"
"What's gonna happen when I turn eight?" Eye contact wasn't something that lasted when he spoke this.
"We're going to have a big feast in your honor. We can play games all day and have fun. And I have something for you." Linx smiled. "We all do."
"Like what?" Linx looked at him for a moment calculating the reasoning for that question.
"Something each of us made. Mine isn't done yet, but it will be. Something to show you how much we love you." Kiy concentrated on the feeling of Linx's hand gliding through his hair. He knew none of them would hurt him, but he was haunted by his caregivers' words. And that fear swept all logic away like a river flood. "What are you so afraid of happening, little one?" Kiy didn't answer, only curled himself further into his chest. Linx said nothing more, wishing he didn't feel so damned helpless. He held Kiy instead of trying to pry further, either by use of his power or words. He pets the boy's hair, his hand gliding down his back and back up again until he calmed. He tried to think, to use his power of deduction from their past to figure out what it was that bothered him so now. His birthday. That was a clue. He chewed on the corner of his top lip as he thought. Suddenly a memory of Kiy's last birthday flashed through his head.
They lay together, wrapped in each other's arms, smiling as they kissed. Neither had shirts on, though they had sleep-pants on. Their kiss deepened, their bodies pressed tightly against one another. As their lips tangled together their hands began to roam, their hips rubbing together. Linx could feel Kiy's excitement against his own, which always spurred him on. Linx's hand slipped under Kiy's pants, grasping him. Kiy moaned, biting his lip, moaning as Linx slowly and expertly pumped him. With such suddenness as to catch Linx by utter surprise, Kiy tensed up, his erection immediately deflating, and his moans turned to fearful whimpers. Linx pulled his hand away and Kiy breathed a tight sob of relief. His eyes were squeezed shut and when Linx let go he curled up, his legs pressed against Linx's chest. Linx wondered if he were putting a barrier between them for reassurance, but he set his arm along his calf, gripping lightly.
"Kiy, what's wrong?" Linx tried eventually, rubbing his thumb along his calf where his hand still rested. Kiy didn't respond but bemoaned more intensely at the softly spoken inquiry. "Mo croí," he said gently trying to coax him.
Kiy shook his head and curled himself into a tighter ball. "No. You can't know. You can't know. You can't see." Kiy reached out to him, his fingers outstretched and Linx took his hand, linking his fingers through Kiy's. He squeezed his hand and pulled himself tightly against Linx, his cries further increasing, if that were at all possible. "Don't leave me, Linx. Don't leave me. Please. Please, stay."
Linx held him tighter, kissing below his ear. "I'm not going anywhere, my love. I'm right here."
Linx looked down at the small bundle in his arms. He smiled at the sad eyes that watched him closely. He slipped his hand over the boy's forehead, his middle finger catching a lock of hair and removing it from his eyes. The boy smiled, but it didn't light up his face. Instead, his tiny lips quirked and for just the slightest moment. Linx grinned. "Was that a smile I saw trying to peak out?" Linx wiggled the tip of his finger against his cheek, tickling, and the boy burst out in giggles. Linx gasped overdramatically, his hand dropping to the boy's belly, his fingers wiggling against ticklish flesh. The boy uncurled, laughing as he halfheartedly tried to get away. Linx stopped tickling him and the boy's giggles died down, but his smile stayed. Linx trailed his finger lightly down the boy's cheek. "That's better. I missed that sound."
Kiy bit his lip and smiled. "Me laughing?"
"Mmhmm." He nodded.
"Why?" He looked curious, but his eyes were brighter than they had been.
"Because..." Linx took a deep breath. "When you laugh it heals me in here." He took Kiy's little hand and put it over his heart. "And I would do anything to see you laugh and be happy." Kiy snuggled further into him. "How are you feeling, little one? I didn't make your tummy more upset did I?" Linx looked slightly guilty.
Kiy smiled and shook his head. "No. Don't worry. I'm beginning to feel a little better." As he snuggled his face further into Linx's chest, he sighed. "I love you, Linx."
Linx smiled softly and poked the boy's nose, which incited a small giggle. "I love you too, little one. Very much."
That smile again. "Really?"
"Really, really." Quickly he walled the feelings that were welling inside his chest, not wanting to spoil the mood. The boy didn't seem to notice that particular emotion as his face didn't alter.
At that moment, Linx's comm came alive. "Colonel, come in." It was Zim.
"Go ahead, Zim." Linx watched the boy's eyes grow heavy, his fingers still gently massaging through Kiy's long hair. He knew he hadn't been properly recharging, and with the work they had been putting in during the day, Linx knew it was taking a toll on him. If they didn't get enough downtime, it would drive their bodies to sickness. Linx sighed. When you combined the extra stress Kiy had been under lately, it only added to the acceleration of ailments. Work needed to be done, but as the boy fell asleep nestled against his chest, he couldn't bring himself to move.
"Regular check-in, sir. We're finding out a lot of information in several of these books about what's going on. Maddox thinks she can find out more."
"Alright. I want you two back by dark. We don't really yet know what things are in the dark on this planet. Better not find out without cover. Continue regular check-ins. We'll assess when you two get back how prudent it is for you two to go back a third time." As he spoke he never took his eyes off Kiy's sleeping form.
"Affirmative, Colonel. Zimmer, out." And the radio died to silence.
Linx smiled. Zimmer was a well-trained soldier. And while he supported leaving the CTC, he firmly believed some of the things they were taught could be put to good use when out on planets they didn't know. And when it came down to it, they resorted to their training a lot and each time it worked to their favor. But Zimmer was all soldier when it came to missions and Linx always felt a sense of pride for it as his leader.
Linx ran his hand over the boy's forehead, checking for signs of fever. He smiled lightly. The boy was warm but no warmer than he should be. He hadn't admitted that fever or not, he was beginning to become worried. His birthday was right around the corner, and not long after that is the ninety-day deadline. Linx felt as if he had made some headway in figuring out what Kiy was so afraid of, but it wasn't as if there were glowing signs that clued him into any discovery he might stumble across. And in reality, the feeling of headway was to pacify his own guilt and fear over the entire situation, for, in reality, he wasn't sure he was any closer than when they'd started. He didn't want to admit it, even to himself. The thought was too heart-wrenching.
He had always felt as if he knew Kiy inside and out, but as he sat with the boy sleeping in his arms he began to give way to the thought that maybe he didn't know him as well as he'd always credited himself. Don't be ridiculous. He scowled at himself. You might not know this. You've always known that there was a secret he was too afraid to tell you. But that doesn't mean everything you know about him is null and void.
Growing more frustrated he slipped out from under Kiy and went back outside, suddenly feeling full of frustrated energy, and unable to sit there any longer. He retook his seat and continued grinding the stone into an arrowhead, his mind racing over what it was that after a lifetime of being together, would still make him so fearful. He recalled Kiy's wailings on his birthday that year. You can't know. You can't know. Was he scared of him? Did he really think that he would hurt him when he turned eight? He knew in his heart that, in all their years together, that fear, whatever it was, was what he had kept from him. But it felt to Linx as if something was missing. That this was just part of the puzzle. That while this may be the outer lying cause of his fear, it wasn't the biggest part. It wasn't what scared him the most. He picked up another rock and began to grind it to a point and he thought back. Kiy had never let him much touch him on his birthday. Then it struck him, and when it did, it stuck hard and fast and brutally. The air was sucked from his lungs as he felt his chest constrict with a pain that brought him to his knees.
"Zim?" Maddox said as they made their way back to the small cabin.
"Hmm?"
"I'm worried about Linx." She looked at him a moment before looking back in front of her. "There's something he isn't telling us. Can't you feel it?"
Zim sighed and ran a hand through his hair, squeezing the back of his neck before dropping his hand. "Yes, I feel it. I also feel that he isn't ready to tell us about it or he would have by now."
Maddox scoffed. "Are you serious? Do you know who you're talking about here? Since when has Linx ever voluntarily told us anything without one of us having to damn near force it out of him?"
"Rarely."
"Exactly. You can't tell me that this is any different than the whole rest of our lives previous."
Zimmer looked at her. "I don't think you should push him on this, Sam." He stopped her with a hand to her shoulder. "I really don't."
"Zim, Linx is, beyond anything else, family. And they are all we've got. All we have is each other. The four of us. I will not stand by and watch him destroy himself, and neither should you."
He could tell she was angry at him, but he also knew her anger was somewhat misplaced. She was scared and he was safe. He watched her walk away a moment before he hurried to catch up to her. "Wait up," he called to her, but she didn't slow down. "Maddi." When he caught up he grabbed her arm to spin her around to face him. He traced his knuckle down her cheek, hoping to soothe the burning fire in her eyes. "I didn't mean it like that, Maddi."
Her eyes softened at the name. His own personal nickname to her he'd come up with when they had just escaped CTC. "What did you mean then?" She kept her voice stern even if that fire died down some.
He sighed lightly. "You and I both know that if Linx wants to talk about whatever it is, he will. It might take a bit of prodding, but all I'm saying is choose your timing wisely. If you poke the bear, he'll wake up angry."
Maddox looked toward the road they were walking on. They were getting close now. She could see the smoke coming out of the hearth that jutted out of the top of the roof. "I know." She turned and began walking again at a normal pace, Zim striding equally beside her. Nothing else was said between the two of them as they walked; their shoulders brushing as small smiles were passed back and forth.
"Maddi," Zim said as he stopped just inside the treeline. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to him, kissing her with slow passion. "I miss you." His eyes met hers and he tried to smile.
"I miss you, too." She rested her forehead against his. "Things have been rather insane lately. Do you resent me?"
He frowned, pulling back to look into her eyes. "Resent you? For what? Hey," he said gently. "I wasn't meaning for this, Maddi." He padded tears from her cheeks.
"I know," she responded tearfully and sniffled. "It's just with Kiy turning into a kid and Linx with... whatever the fuck he's keeping from us...we really don't have any goddamn answers and I feel like I'm failing both of them. And what if when this ninety-day deadline comes up and one or both of them dies? And even if it's only Kiy...how long do you think Linx will last without him?" She wiped her face and turned her head down.
He caught her chin and brought her eyes back up to his. "Listen to me," he said carefully. "Neither of them are going to die. I'm pretty sure Linx has at least a decent idea about what's going on or he wouldn't be so broken down by it. I'm worried about them, too, but they are not going to die." His voice was firm save for the minor breaking on that last word.
She nodded and took a deep breath. "Let's go before he radios us." He followed her without another word, a frown marring his face in worry for the other half of his soul. He was jarred out of his thoughts by the sharp cry of Linx's name from Maddox's lips, fear clear in her voice. He was at Linx's other side a moment after Maddox. "Linx?"
Linx was doubled over, his entire body shaking, his face hidden from view. "Linx, where's Kiy?" Maddox's head shot up, their eyes meeting. With a single nod, Zim stood and made his way around the cabin.
"Linx, what's going on? What's wrong?" Linx shook his head but otherwise remained silent. Only he wasn't so silent. Sounds of anguish, barely perceptible, escaped from deep within. In all the time she had known him, she had never seen him like this. Never imagined such sounds could emanate from such a strong man. "Linx." She pushed him up by the shoulders and pulled his hands away from his face. Cradling his face she caught his focus and his eyes seemed to clear. "What happened?"
Linx took a breath to answer but their heads turned at the calling out of Maddox's name. "Come in here." There was a no-nonsense tone in his voice and it had both Maddox and Linx up and running into the cabin.
"Kiy. He's burning up," Linx said as he knelt beside him. The boy's hair was sweat-soaked and his skin was pale as Scottish pearls.
"Pick him up," Maddox ordered. "We'll take him to the river. It's the fastest way to get his temperature down." Linx did as told without a word, holding the boy close to him and covering his face from the exposing suns. "Take his clothes off. Leave his underwear. I don't want him to wake up scared." Linx did as told. Maddox laid a blanket down along the bank to lay the boy down. "Wet this," she instructed as she passed him two cuts of cloth, "and wrap them around his feet." While this task was being performed, she set herself to wetting several more pieces of cloth. Strategically she placed each rag under the armpits and groin. At Linx's puzzled look she said, "Each of these points is a pressure point and the hottest parts of the body. It allows the body to cool without the temperature falling too quickly." She wet three more rags and lightly tied two of them around his wrists, and dragged the other over the boy's torso and arms. Kiy opened his eyes and groaned against the sudden cold and Maddox shushed him gently, running her hand through his hair.
"He wasn't this sick when I left him in the cabin," Linx said after some time. "He said he didn't feel good and he was slightly warm, but...we had been outside in the sun...suns...and he fell asleep and I went outside to made more arrowheads." The look in his eyes was desperate. "He wasn't this sick."
"I believe you, Linx." She looked over to Zim. "Will you please fill up some containers? We can't keep him out here for long and we'll need more water. We don't know how deep the well is and I'd prefer to use that for drinking only if at all possible." Zim nodded and set to work. She smiled her thanks. "Linx, wrap him up in the blanket and carry him home. Open the windows in your quarters. He'll need fresh air." Feeling utterly numb at his racing thoughts and these last few hours, he nodded and did as he was told.
It was hours later when Kiy was finally settled in his bed, asleep, his temperature down for the moment. Reluctantly, Linx exited the bedroom and sat upon the couch Kiy had earlier occupied, his head dropping wearily into his hands. Maddox and Zim shared a look before she moved to sit next to him. "Linx, what's going on? What happened today?" Linx remained silent. "Linx." She put her hand along his forearm before speaking again. "You can't go on like this." Silent still, Linx stood and quietly walked out of the cabin.
"Go after him," Zim told her softly with a jerk of his head. "I'll watch out for Kiy." Maddox nodded with a quiet thank you and followed after her friend and commanding officer.
She found him far away enough from the cabin that they were out of hearing distance without shouting. He was standing, his head pointed up to face the moon. The silver light illuminated his face as well as the way his eyes glistened as he stared. Standing beside him she followed his gaze, waiting for him to begin to speak. He looked away from the moon, bending his face toward the shadows. "He said he wasn't feeling well, so we went inside. He fell asleep on my lap and...I got restless, so I went outside to finish making the arrowheads. I began to think back...trying to figure out what the fuck this could all be about. Kiy..." he stopped and sighed, not wanting to reveal this but knowing this bit of information was imperative in the telling of this tale. His eyes stung as he forced the words from his throat. "When we were kids...do you remember when he turned eight? They took he and I away for the night?"
Maddox frowned. "I remember. Neither of you would talk about it. But I remember your face when you finally came back. Things were changed between you then. You were always protective of all of us...but after that night, you sneered at anyone who looked at him."
Linx nodded slowly. "That night...they put us in a private room. No cameras. Which surprised me. But they told me before I went in that I was to take him." He took a shuttering breath and blinked away gathering tears. "I knew what they wanted from me. And so did Kiy." He pulled his lips between his teeth before he ground the words out like splintered glass, and the words felt as if they were slicing up his insides. "He cowered in the corner, terrified. He cried and screamed and begged me not to hurt him..."
"Please, Linx, please don't hurt me. Please. Please, don't." Linx stood on the far side of the room, his gaze transfixed on the scene playing out before him. Tears poured down a red face, scrunched in terror absolute, solidifying with the memories of the warning his caretaker had given him, right before he put him through the same torture.
Slowly Linx came closer, stopping center of the room as Kiy's fear amplified. He sat. "Kiy. Kiy, I'm not going to hurt you. Kiy..." Kiy brought his eyes up to Linx's, tears still silently raining from bright, azure eyes. "I know what you're afraid of. But you never need to be scared of me. I wouldn't ever do that to you." It was some time later that Kiy calmed, his tears slowing before subsiding altogether.
"You won't hurt me?" His voice quivered, his fear at the situation was still obvious and paramount.
Linx shook his head. "No. I'll never hurt you intentionally, Kiy. I won't let anyone hurt you like that again either."
"I'm scared," he whispered, his eyes breaking away and looking down at the floor beneath him.
"I know. But you don't have to be scared of me."
"We talked all night. He told me so many things that night." He paused. "Kiy has never let me touch him on his birthday. Not really." Linx looked at Maddox, his eyes ablaze with a deep fear and a deeper heartbreak. "I know what he's afraid of."
Zim reached out and felt the smooth skin along Kiy's hairline, checking for fever. He wasn't overly warm and Zimmer smiled. "Hey, little man," he said as Kiy's eyes landed on his.
Kiy tiredly smiled, his lips slowly pulling upward. "Hi, Zim." He looked around. "Where's Linx?"
Zim smiled lightly. "Outside talking with Maddox. I'm sure he'll be inside in a couple minutes. How are you feeling, kiddo?" Kiy shrugged and hesitated before lifting his arms upward to him. Zim smiled before bending down to scoop up the small boy, and he smiled still when Kiy nuzzled his head under his chin. "Yeah? Not feeling any better? Hm?" Zim stood rocking them gently.
"I don't feel so hot like before."
"But?" Zim asked and kissed his forehead, still rocking.
"But I'm..." Kiy turned his head further into Zim's chest. "I'm scared. And it's making my chest feel funny. Is Linx mad at me?"
"No. Why would you think that?" Zim angled his head to try and see the boy's face.
"I don't know." He sniffled. "He feels...angry. And sad. Really, really sad. And it's more when he looks at me."
"Kiy, no matter what emotions you may feel coming from any of us, but especially Linx, remember that it's more complicated than it is easy. And you don't know the whole story. So it's easy to draw conclusions that reflect our greatest fears." A small sob escaped him. "Kiy, despite your fears and what you've been through, you have to know that we wouldn't hurt you."
Kiy nodded. "I know you won't hurt me, Zim. And I know Maddox wouldn't hurt me."
Zim frowned. "You don't know that Linx would never hurt you?"
Kiy squeezed his eyes shut tightly and shook his head. "No." His answer was half an octave above a whisper. "No, and I know that's part of what's making him so sad."
"Why are you scared of Linx, hm?" He hadn't stopped rocking through this conversation, and he kissed the boy's hair.
"I'm not all the time. Just sometimes. And the closer I get to turning eight, the more scared I get." Zim reaffirmed his hold on the boy, keeping up the comforting rocking.
"What are you afraid of about turning eight?" There was a frown on his face but a question in his voice.
"Of what they told me," he whispered.
"You can tell me if you want, Kiy," Zim whispered.
"God, Linx." Maddox looked at him, her eyes shining and her cheeks wet. "Why have you never mentioned this before?"
"I couldn't say what happened to him. He begged me not to tell...and with all he told me...he left out so much more." When he looked up at Maddox, his eyes were full of such a desperate pain, Maddox felt her heart fracture. "When I realized...God, Maddox, when I realized what it meant...I never forced him, or pushed him when he got that look...he would break down and I would just hold him. But he would never tell me."
She pads away his tears and kissed his cheek. "Now you know. Now you can fight those fears for him. Prove those fears wrong. If that's really the reason for all of this...then you have to fix it. Alleviate his fears, or we'll all lose someone we love deeply.
"How? I don't know what to do, Maddox. I'm so lost...I don't know how to help him. I don't know how I can help him. He's so afraid of me. It just...strikes him...and he gets this heartbreaking fucking look on his face. This is ripping my guts out, Maddox. I'm so scared that my lack of any iota of what to do to reverse this is going to cause me to lose him. Either of them. Both of them."
"Linx, you are going to have to open up to him somehow." She squeezed his hand tightly, seemingly giving him a subtle hint of what a course of action would be best to take. He nodded, not quite yet understanding how, but knowing it was something to puzzle out.
When they walked back into the cabin, Linx and Maddox found Zim holding Kiy on his lap, the boy wailing soundlessly. He reached for Linx when they came in, Linx automatically pulling him against his breast. "I've got you, baby. You're alright."
"'m scared, Linx," he cried against his chest.
"You're safe, baby. No one here will hurt you. I won't hurt you," he added so, so softly. After several, painful heartbeats he looked between the two of them. "Did you find anything prudent?"
"We believe so, Colonel," Zim answered quietly, his eyes watching his C.O. and the miniature version of his friend.
"Alright. We'll discuss it tomorrow. It's been a long day and he should be in bed." He nodded to both of them before turning and walking into the bedroom without another word.