There writ was a journal, lay there; open bare, a scribe hath scribed the ramblings of his mind. Lay here unfurl the writ in kind of the peerless divine. On the forward front there lay a title, "For my eyes only on the pain of death" it spoke, alas, what an overbearing bloke. My eyes are yours and mine and all who hear me, therein having paid the toll, now privy to the precious of my eyes, I quickly exploit this loophole.
***
First page:
Written by Immortal Overlord Grakos,
Note: I titled this motherfucker for fun, I don't care if anyone reads it.
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Right, this motherfucker… Whatever, fuck it.
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Second page:
Day Infinitos Grakos Portanbell –
I've slumbered for a good long while now, when I finally woke up – the world was on fire.
Well, fire is putting it mildly, it was more like the devil flames of the nether and the divine flames of the holy buddha that - Ah, fuck it! Not important.
TL; DR: I fucked off to some other place.
I was on my way out and was kinda dealing with a bit of an amnesia situation, I mean, I kinda knew everything that I needed to know, but not the minutia I couldn't give a fuck about.
Point is: if you're an immortal god and don't really have shit to do anymore, you gotta get creative.
My cultivation was long and arduous and yadda, yadda, yadda. But there was some bomb shit along the way;
I saw this hot chick fuck a camel!
Now I know that sounds insane – and it was – and this is gonna sound even more insane – and it is – but I was the camel!
I mean, I wasn't, but I was!
It was like a clone sich', I was undercover as a camel demon and ended up courting this human chick for some yin-yang dual cultivation bullshit.
Point is the camel clone got destroyed and the whole thing was pointless, but it was fucking worth it! Dope-ass moment bruv - DOPE-ASS MOMENT!
Sex is kinda boring to just do though, I've been alive for more time than I can quantify, I got to a point where there was nothing more to do… I'm not even sure why I bothered? Trillions if not quadrillions of folks were living at any given moment of my living existence, they lived a relatively normal life, and they were happy doing it too.
Sure, I could've wiped them out with a thought, and it wouldn't have made a smidgen of a difference to me, but honestly… what's the point?
I haven't gotten much of a choice anymore, I can fuck around, see what happens. And then…
***
Wow, a camel huh? This is more interesting than I was expecting, but I thought there would be more cultivation secrets in here… this is a little disappointing. Whatever, maybe I'll find a clue in here somewhere, surely after that sombre end, the next entries should be more profound… surely?
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Third page:
The next fucking day:
Yo this dick don't work! MY DICK DOES NOT WORK!
I CANNOT BE NATURALLY AROUSED! I've seen the most seductive men, women, and a fuck-tonne of other creatures that could've made me jizz with a sound back in the day, but NOTHING!
I'm more aroused by my own past experiences than I am with these people! What kind of self-absorbed, narcissistic… Oh… I'm describing a cultivator, the fucking… AH! Fuck this is diminishing my self-worth by a lot, I don't care anymore.
I gotta test some shit out. This can't have been for nothing, so many people cultivate!
***
Well… that is somewhat – sobering? I'm on the same path this guy was… I have a gut feeling that I shouldn't read the next page. I've been cultivating for about a million years, and this is a big book by a person I can barely comprehend. I think it'd be laughable if I was convinced of quitting my pursuits after reading merely 4 pages… right?
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Fourth page:
A bit later - like a lot later - like just enough for me to know that this is fucked, and cultivation is fucked:
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FUCK!
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Right, this is proper fucked.
I've been doing some experimenting. Like what would happen if I took away cultivation and qi as a whole from a world like mine?
Answer: WTF?! I mean, the general populace destroyed the motherfuckers at the top in a heartbeat, everyone betrayed everyone, and I'm pretty sure most of the people at the top had a mental breakdown. Those civilians were brutal, I haven't seen shit like that ever before in my life! Goddamn! The world just sort of imploded and reset itself, there was a lot of animal fucking, but this was just… I didn't realise that I could still vomit, fuck that, the camel thing is disturbing me now… THOSE PEOPLE WERE CRYING! I mean, eighty percent of the humanoids were turned into animals for goodness' sake, normal beasts that lived their lives, all the animals and the humans broke down… Fuck it, let's move on.
The world at its origin yielded better results, I just took the qi and cultivation from it and it went on as normal. The humans were the only humanoids, and they did alright, I might've stepped in a few times as a 'God' to fuck with em, went through an emo phase, went through an animal phase… It was alright, I fucked off after they started calling themselves… what was it? E-Arth? I dunno, doesn't matter.
Last thing I tried was to instil rules on a cultivation world, weren't easy, but it worked… at least on my end. I thought that a few less assholes make the world a better place, so I wrote into the laws of the world that people should be reasonably decent to survive in this world…
What followed was arguably the most brilliant thing I've ever seen in my life – AND THAT IS IN FACT: SAYING SOMETHING!
Every single being on this plane of existence, and I do mean every last one of them, EXPLODED! ALL OF THEM, EXPLODED! IT WAS FUCKED UP AND BEAUTIFUL AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! WOW…
I kinda know what I'm about now, cultivation was a dud, fucking dumb. But I got time and I got infinite worlds to fuck with. So I'mma conduct more of these… 'experiments'.
***
Right, okay, fuck that. I'm leaving. I'm done. I'mma find that woman I left behind for this bullshit and find a quiet place to settle down. This cultivation bullshit is well and truly fucked, so is this Immortal motherfucker and his book!
THIS IS A DIARY MOTHERFUCKER! YOU BEING A CAMEL IS STUPID MOTHERFUCKER!
I'M OUT! GOODBYE MOTHERFUCKER!
- The End.