The bright red blood won't stop pouring out of my wound and I slowly begin feeling my consciousness fade.
Just as my head begins falling to the ground, I hear an all too familiar giggle, "You still have lots to learn."
As Liliana finishes her sentence I see little green dots appear and float to my wound; taking the shape of my hand. Skin begins miraculously taking the place of the green dots and my hand eventually is fully healed.
I'm on my back, lifting my hand in the air, admiring it.
I'll never take you for granted, lefty.
"You're lucky you didn't evaporate your right hand! If you did your ring would've flown off along with the blessing of having two hands." She berates me.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do whatever I just did..."
What happened? I felt so angry and I just instinctively hit something. Losing my hand was not my intention.
I tell Liliana what happened, what I felt.
She sighs, "This is my fault. Remember I told you that you will notice changes within yourself due to our pairing. Now that it has happened more than once and I can tell this isn't normal for you I can see one clear effect. Your emotions are becoming unstable. Very unstable. This paired with natural access to my powers is what resulted in this incident and probably the incident with the King."
So that's what it is...How much will I change because of Liliana?
"You need to learn to control yourself and your powers. That needs to take priority right now. Everything Camila is teaching you has to take the backseat right now, besides things related to spirit powers."
I get up to tell Camila what happened along with my new training objective. But, her legs are shaking and she looks dazed. She is clearly shaken up by the gory scene she just witnessed.
I awkwardly laugh and try to console her.
"Sorry about that...It won't happen again I promise! I'm still getting used to Liliana and her powers." I say.
She tries to laugh it off but I can see it affected her more than she would like to admit.
"It's ok really, l-lets keep training." She stutters.
"Alright, you should go back to the house. We can continue training tomorrow and I'll tell you what I need to focus on. Just go rest for now, please." I give her a warm smile.
The worry and fear on her face disappears and she gently nods, "Alright..."
Camila takes her leave and I am left standing in the middle of the training area with Liliana.
This is insane. My hand just blew off. I saw my bone. My BONE.
Thinking back on it almost makes me throw up but Liliana doesn't leave me to my thoughts for long.
"Ok Roman, we need to make a lot of progress fast if we want to get to Lanuae quickly and have a chance. Listen up," She commands me to sit down and carefully listen to her.
"The way Camila was teaching you to gather energy is the way everyone is taught. It's the only way for them to use things like physical augmentation but for us it's not. As a Celestial Spirit I can do those things naturally, like when I protected your ears back in the Noctis camp. I wanted you to learn the normal way because it's important to be in tune with energy. Even with me, I can only do so much for you but it's a long process and we don't have time for that. What I need you to focus on right now is controlling your emotions and powers."
Liliana then told me the training I will have to go through won't be fun, but it's necessary if I want to progress fast. I agree because what choice do I have? I need to find my family. This world is confusing and I'm constantly asking questions but right now I know what I need to do; I will do it.
We immediately start.
"First, I need full access to your mind." Liliana says.
"You don't have that when your able to hear my thoughts?" I ask.
"Not quite, you can think about it like levels. Being able to hear your thoughts is just the 1st level, while having full access to your mind is the 5th and final level."
"I see, well, go ahead and do whatever you need."
"It will take a second but when it happens you'll know. For now, just make sure your mind is clear."
I nod and begin meditating.
About a minute passes then I feel all my thoughts and senses fade away.
I can't see anything, all I can do is think about how it feels.
It feels similar to when Liliana takes control of my body. I feel like a visitor in my own mind, like I'm hearing someone else's thoughts, looking into them.
It's like a fever dream-out of body experience.
Suddenly, I hear familiar voices.
"Roman! Roman! Let's go play outside!" A little boy's voice exclaims to me.
As the boy finishes talking I feel an intense emotion rise up in me.
I can't even think to identify the boy despite his familiar voice. I can only think of this overwhelming feeling. The feeling to protect and shelter this boy.
As fast as these intense emotions overwhelm me, they disappear.
The boy doesn't speak again, instead I hear a voice I instantly recognize.
The King.
"You are nothing. Your family is dead. You have no hope." He says complacently. I can hear the grin on his face.
My anger instantly grows. It's just like the anger I felt when he was right in front of me. Murderous, relentless -- furious.
Once again these feelings overwhelm me for a small moment until they recede completely in a matter of seconds.
A voice shouts out to me, "How could you do this. I thought you were better than this? Everyone else is succeeding, you have no excuses! So what is this? What's wrong with you?"
I feel humiliation, guilt, sadness. I feel like useless trash. If I was capable of crying right now I know I would.
This cycle continues to repeat. Every emotion you could think of I went through, in copious amounts.
With each scenario ending, another one began. Igniting emotions and memories that I long forget about.
This went on for what felt like hours. Slowly and unbeknownst to me, the fervor of my emotions were fading. I was becoming numb to every scenario; to every emotion.
This continued until eventually, I felt nothing. Every scenario ignited nothing but a blank mind. I was indifferent to the King, to the boy and to every voice that spoke to me.
Then, I could feel my mind return to me.
I open my eyes.
"Now, let's train with a clear mind." Liliana says.