Shi Lian is in her room, arranging her things to their place when a maid knocks on the door. "Young Miss, Madam is calling you."
"Okay, I'll be right there," Shi Lian says and puts down the suitcase below the bed. Shi Lian wants to laugh seeing Evelyn has sent her the scented candle pack and a few of her T-shirts. There is a note that says, "Wear it when you miss me!"
Shi Lian leaves her room and heads downstairs. The maid told her Sha Sha was in the living room. Shi Lian makes her to the living room and when she reaches the doorframe, she notices a familiar face. Way too familiar to take her breath away.
Shi Lian freezes, her gaze fixed on the woman who is animately chatting with her mother.
Sha Sha and the other woman notice Shi Lian's presence. Sha Sha is hesitant about what to say. She knows Shi Lian is not happy to meet Hu Meng Yao, however, it's been five years, and all she wants is peace.
"Shi! Darling, come here" Sha Sha calls her. Shi Lian curls her fingers into a fist, not knowing if she should storm out from here or do what her mother says. She chooses the second one. Keeping her hard stare on the woman, she takes her seat beside her mother on the couch. "Yao came to see you when she got to know you are here."
"Oh? Why?" Shi Lian did not try to hide the sarcasm in her tone. The last thing Shi Lian wants is to have a 'chat' with her ex-boyfriend's mother! Hu Meng Yao, the mother of her ex-boyfriend gives her an apologetic smile but that angers Shi Lian. After what she said to her, Shi Lian will not forgive her.
"Shi Lian, how are you dear?" Meng Yao asks, hesitant to meet her eyes and broaden her smile.
Shi Lian keeps the cold look on her face and crosses her arms before her chest. "If I say I am fine, will you say something to make it worse?"
"Shi!" Sha Sha hisses, shaking her head to not be rude. Fine, she can keep her mouth shut and not say anything rude, however, she cannot pretend to sweet talk with her.
"I see you are still angry with me. It's understandable. What I did to you, I deserve your rudeness."
The room gets quiet, the awkward kind of quietness where no one knows what to say further.
"I did not get the chance to apologize to you years ago" Meng Yao speaks, "so I want to apologize to you for what I did to you. Please forgive me, Shi Lian."
Shi Lian scoffs. "Madam Hu, if an apology could make the pain I felt go away, I will gladly accept it. However, that is not the case."
A hurt look crosses Meng Yao's face. Shi Lian feels she will suffocate if she stays in this room with her for another minute. She gets up from the couch, telling her mother she will go to her room now.
"But...." Sha Sha wants her daughter to talk with Meng Yao. She truly feels Meng Yao is sorry for her actions and wants to apologize to her. Meng Yao is one of her closest friends which only makes it hard as she is torn between her daughter and her friend.
As Shi Lian starts to leave, Meng Yao speaks, making her pause. "Do you still love my Atian?"
The mention of his name gives a striking pain in her chest. She thought she has moved on from him, that it will not affect her but it does. Now that Meng Yao mentions her son's name, she feels angry.
"I am not obliged to answer that question to you, Madam Hu."
"You still love him. You still have him in your heart, isn't it?" Meng Yao says hopefully. It makes her annoyed the way she says so confidently.
"Does it matter? You have already ruined everything" she snaps and leaves the room before Meng Yao can say something.
Meng Yao's lips quiver. She covers her face with both her open palm and sobs in silence. Sha Sha sympathizes with her and goes to sit beside her, consoling her. "Ah Yao, please don't cry like this."
"She hates me. Sha Sha, our Shi hates me. I am such an evil woman!" she cries.
"She does not hate you, Yao. She is hurt, deeply. That accident has left a deep scar in her heart and she is still trying to heal with it."
"I shouldn't have said those things to her. It's been five years, and the guilt feels like a heavy burden that can't be lifted off."
They stay silent for a while, Sha Sha holding her till she has stopped sobbing. Once Meng Yao comes back to her normal self, Sha Sha asks, "How is Atian? I haven't seen him in this whole week?"
"Oh, he has gone out of the country for the competition. He rang me yesterday saying he has won the second prize. He will be returning by tomorrow" Meng Yao tells her with a smile.
"That is so great! Atian is very talented and gifted. "
"I haven't told him about Shi Lian....he will know once he is back. Sha Sha, do you think there is a chance our kids will be back together? I know they both love each other."
Sha Sha doesn't know how should she answer this. In these five years, a lot has changed. Shi Lian just came back, and she has evolved from the way she was used to. Sha Sha smiles tightly, putting her palm on Meng Yao's. "I hope they reconcile and sought out everything."
"I do hope that too."
*
Shi Lian locks the door of her room. She clenches the fabric of her dress near her chest as he feels the aching inside her chest. The words Meng Yao said roams in her head. Does she still love Atian? She doesn't know. She realizes five years isn't enough to get over someone. Even if they broke up because of the accident and his mother, that doesn't mean there is still a chance for them to get back together. Meng Yao expects that she will forget about the past and live like how they used to. But that is never going to happen. She has changed. Her perspective toward love has also changed. She goes to her bed and lies down on her stomach, slowly letting her bottled tears out. There she goes, crying again. When Shi Lian went to America, it was hard for her to adjust.
She would cry every day, and think about Atian all the time. She missed him very much, but as time passed by she told herself that it is not worth it. She thought Atian must have moved on, was living a happy life and here she was waiting for his call all day.
So what if he had said he will always love her? So what if he had told her that no matter what, he will never forget her? Words are only words. They do hold meaning but they do not hold promises. They can give you hope, but they cannot make your wish come true. Words are after all, words.
Every time she thinks of Atian, the scene of the accident will come along with it, fresh in her mind as if it had happened recently. She can never forget the accident that happened five years ago. That accident changed everything.