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"You need me to come with?" my mum asked as I shuffled to get my seatbelt undone.
"I should be able to find my way around. Got enough description to get by."
"Please do this for us. I want my little girl to be happy," she said, stroking my cheek. In her eyes, I could see hope. One I wish I could tap into but I wasn't feeling it except for the dryness that stuck with me since last week's incident.
I regret that terribly.
"I want to be that as well."
"I know Martha's death's been hard for you. It has been for me, not seeing that lovely girl ever again."
I swallowed hard and at the sight of my discomfort, she gave my hand a squeeze and apologised.
"It is no problem. It is better I get used to it than never."
"Ensure my number is on speed dial and Manuel's and Edna's if you need someone to talk to. We are all here for you, you know that, don't you?"
"I do," I replied, adjusting my headphones over my ears. We knew the conversation was ended at that action. I made my way out of the car, waved her goodbye as she drove out of the parking lot and made my into the humongous building.
So much whites and it seemed to set my nerves high. I took out my phone, scrolling through my playlist and decided on Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish. It called me down for most part of my journey but ended as I approached the Counselling Section of the hospital, switching over to Broken by Isak Danielson.
I turned left at the intersection, searching for Room 115. When I did, I hesitated watching others walk in before I could muster the courage to follow suit.
As the rest of the hospital, this room was painted white, chairs were set to create a circle. Others had taken their seats while others eyed me warily. I stood, my headphones on, staring at the faces that weren't different from mine, except from a lady who I presumed wasn't more than 23 who stood on the far end of the room, observing everyone who walked in. Her hands crossed beneath her breasts and her lips twitched like she wished to say something—to me. Tired of gazing at the girl standing awkwardly, she walked towards me, a smile on her face that for a moment gave me a sense of relief in the choking room of depressed teenagers.
"Hi," she said with a hand extended. "I am Angela. I will be overseeing your group therapy session."
"Nice meeting Angela. I am Felicia."
"Ah, seems you're the one Doctor Marlin told me about. He seems to have taken a fondness to you."
"He told you about me?"
"He did. He drafted you here because he wanted you to have someone to talk to. I am here for that. Never be afraid to walk over to me when you have something bothering you."
"Thank you."
"Come have a seat. The session will kick off any moment." We went round and she found a chair for me and I gave a grin of my own as I took my seat.
"David," she called, briskly strolling away. "You look wonderful today. What's with the smile?" she inquired from the boy that stood a head taller than herself. He whispered something that made her burst out laughing but got followed up with a "I am so happy for you. One last session?"
"Wouldn't miss it," he replied, following her into the room. He gave everyone a wave and most seemed to respond to his positive aura. To me, a wink; I weakly tipped the side of my lips and looked away.
"Gather around everyone," Angela requested. A boy with crutches, a leg off, moved to take a seat. She smiled his way, gave him a hug and let him settle down.
"We know why we are here," she said, settling down as well on a chair. "For those who don't what's up here, this is a group support. I know many of us have been through a lot and need that extra reassurance we are going to be okay, somehow and someday. You will be. I am Angela Berc and I am in charge of this group.
"A brief introduction from everyone so we get to know ourselves and understand we are here to help one another to find peace and healing. Healing is a bumpy road but it is worth it. Everyone needs that light at the end of the tunnel but when we get lost, we have brothers and sisters to help us through.
"No one is better than the other. Though different circumstances, we have one goal: to grow and let go of our pasts. It is essential we know this. Until we know the source and wish to let go of it, our healing journey will be stagnant.
"Joe, want to go first?" A baldheaded young boy, dark skinned nodded with a smile. Maybe Angela had that effect on everyone in this room and I loved it. Not as gloomy as I thought.
"I am Joe Sallow. I am 18. After my parents' divorce, I was never the same. Got involved in drugs and wrong friends. My conscience died but each time I found myself alone, I hated my existence. Even under the influence of alcohol, it was bad. There were days I couldn't leave my bed and others I'd stay the whole day with a bad migraine. My girlfriend Anastasia had signed me up for therapy classes and from the start found it hard to convince me. She'd stay through the classes to ensure I was active. I've been working with Angela for the past 3 years and though, I struggle, I have to admit I feel better."
The class clapped and there went James (anorexia), Victoria (bad breakup) who I have to admit had a rough story (rape) then Laura (self harming), Caleb (cocaine addiction and abuse).
"Gabriel, you're next," Angela announced.
"Thank you," he whispered coolly. "I know many of you wonder why I'm without a leg and it is obvious it got amputated. I had gotten a football scholarship a month ago. My last play was a...a mess. There was a horrible... horrible field accident and I happened to be the one worse off with shattered bones and a bad infection.
"I had a final surgery when the efforts made were futile. That was the one that did it. I lost my scholarship. Would be looked at as a freak. My life is ruined!"
"It isn't," Angela comforted. "It is only getting better. What do you choose? Beat them or listen to them. I am challenging you to prove them wrong. You are better than putting yourself in a situation where you become a recluse and fall in the darkness. It seems promising but it isn't. It lures you in. We are in this together. Right everyone?"
Chants of "yes" and "of course" went round and it seemed to brighten Gabriel up.
"The last on my list is Felicia. She's the newest here and let's give her a big welcome."
"Welcome!" the voices mingled harmoniously and the cheerful faces even though few were feigned made me feel so loved and removed me from that dark space in my head.
"It is a pleasure being here. I am Felicia. 17. Was in a coma for five months after a car accident. Lost my b...best friend Martha in that accident. Since I woke up, my life's been hurting. I felt better in the timeless world of unconsciousness. There was less to ache. I dream of going back. I made a major attempt the day I had gotten back home by overdosing my prescriptions. It didn't work out anyway. In short, couldn't get lost a scholarship to Brown University, Martha's dead, most friends from high school, I'm left to face what life had in store. Right now, I'm in a world I don't wish to be in. Maybe we have to be broken."
Angela gave me a smile but went on. "We are broken some days to find the good in everything we didn't care much about. It isn't the end. You'll get back on track. I promise."
"You sure?"
"Anything is possible if you put in your best."
"Thank you."
"That's why we are all here," Angela said to the entire group. "As usual, you are going to be paired with someone but after two weeks would have to switch. Every three days, you are to report how you feel as an individual and as a partner, goals you have achieved and if the routine is making any improvement on your mental health. If it isn't, I'll provide a new regiment for you. We all good?"
When the answers came out positive, she laughed and started pairing everyone and when it got to my turn, she partnered me with Gabriel.
"I'm hoping this is convenient for you two. I know you two need the extra help and I am sure you can give that to the other. I, Joe and Laura are here to help you if you need anyone to talk to.
"I know the rest of the class will need to gather every three days but for you both, we need follow-up sessions and you're to be here every two days. Alright?"
We nodded as she handed a list to us and another bundled set to everyone else.
When she was done, she started by saying, "We are plants that blossom. Though faced as darkness as seeds, they live through it, the rain and sun are the light. Like piano keys, we can be melodious with our lives, and take charge of the keys. We believe in each other and can come through it all."
After much talk about the ground rules and what is expected of us, she asked that we say the group's motto, "Believe. Fight it. Take control. We win" and we were dismissed.
"Gabriel," Angela said. "As you know this is Felicia. Felicia," she said to me, "this is Gabriel. I am doing this because it is difficult talking to the other person. Remember this is about you. Helping another person helps us understand ourselves in ways we never knew. I hope this helps you. I am here to talk if nothing works."
"Thank you," we said simultaneously and she left after offering us hugs that we gladly took. I have to confess it felt so wonderful and gave a certain warmness that frightened the numbness within me.
"Nice meeting you Gabriel."
"The pleasure is mine," he tells me. "Your number?" he asks, offering his phone. I nod, type my number in and he does same when I offer mine.
"Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow," he repeats. "We'll plan something."
"I guess. Bye?" I knew I sounded unsure on the last word but I wasn't in the mood for much talks.
"Bye Felicia." With that done, he moved away, crutches underneath each arm. I couldn't help but stare at the lean body that looked like it could break away anytime it wished and those brown eyes that was as uncertain as the one paired with.
"Reminding me to forget," the song blaring through my headphones continued. He glanced my way and nodded before exiting the room finally. Since I couldn't stand there, staring awkwardly, I filed out of the room.
I reached the intersection and found Gabriel speaking to a man and woman whom I suspect were his parents. She was two heads shorter than her son but stood on her toes to embrace him.
I couldn't help but smile, and in a moment got my phone ringing.
"Hello mum."
"I'm out in the parking lot."
"Coming out now."